So tonight's Presidential debate on foreign policy, the first such meeting between Sen. John McCain and Sen. Barack Obama is now confirmed to be on like Donkey Kong! We can't help but wonder if The Maverick is feeling a little twinge of regret over his decision to selflessly suspend campaigning while his opponent continued to hunker down like a Hardass Asian Student in three days of intensive debate prep. As our parents always say, "When preparing for an important test: study until you want to die, or else kill yourself."
1) If a question includes big words, respond with a sentence that includes the phrase, "shore up the economy."
2) Remember: we are in a crisis mode! Or something! Crisis mode!
3) Always keep your eye on Putin when he's flying overhead.
4) If needed, drug your child and coo over it for the cameras. Use a baby with a mental disability for maximum effect. If you do not have a baby or young child with a mental disability, an adopted child of color will suffice.
5) Be sure to tease your hair before going on camera.
6) Divulge no information. Stick to making fun of "hope" and cutely wrinkle your nose when necessary. Oh, and "Drill, baby, drill!"
7) Say "John McCain" as much as possible.
8) If you're asked to cite an example and can't think of one, just say, "I'll try to find you some and bring 'em to ya!"
9) If you're feeling bullied, remember that you were a beauty queen and/or prisoner of war and everybody else is just jealous.
10) Declare war on Russia.
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