07/18/2008 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Michelle Merkin Musings

Michelle Malkin doesn't know what a "gherkin" is. Yesterday, she posted a 60 Minutes interview with the Obamas during which Barack made tuna fish sandwiches for his family with chopped-up gherkins in them and wrote, "(D)on't ask me what those are, I have no idea."

Is Michelle politicizing food again? Does she think tiny pickles are elitist, too? Or is she a Size Queen? Perhaps pickles are too sour for her sweet constitution. Or she doesn't own a dictionary. You would think that, as a blogger, she'd be hip to this newfangled thing called Wikipedia. Or maybe it's that the word "gherkin" is Persian in origin...and we know how she feels about Persians. Persians are foreign. Persians are terrorists. In which case, I gather Michelle doesn't use the words "candy," "lemon," "pajama," or "sugar" either, since they're Persian, too.

What did Michelle eat when she was pregnant? Non-elitist pickles? Like, Vlasic or something? I guess she doesn't realize that even Vlasic makes gherkins, too. Maybe we should send some over to her, extending those tiny pickles like an olive branch? "Malkin" and "gherkin" -- they actually share the same suffix! And when you combine them, you get the delightful word "merkin." I know, I know, a merkin really has nothing to do with any of this, but for some reason, as I was thinking of Michelle Malkin and her problem with tiny pickles, a pubic hair-wig just happened to come to mind.