11/30/2008 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011


A recent online poll conducted by the US Embassy on the China Daily website shows that 75 percent of the People's people favor Obama over McCain. An analyst of a Horizon Research survey on Chinese interest in the election posited that the reason for this is "(Obama's) age, energy, and even complexion, which signify the US dream, are more appealing to the Chinese," but I think we all know why they love the guy.


So you know what that means, right? Obama not only shared his toys, but he, like the Chinese, first tainted them with lead paint. Then he put teeny, easy-to-choke-on magnets in them, before pumping them full of the date rape drug GHB. Next he coated these toys in Cadbury chocolate containing melamine, to ensure children would eat them, which was all part of his secret plan to not only ruin the Easter holiday but to cripple the American economy, before seizing control of the government and appointing underage-albeit-adorable gymnasts-who-turn-out-to-be-robot-assassins to his Cabinet and making those Opening Ceremony drummers the new U.S. Armed Forces, while forcing honest hard-working Americans to speak ching-chong, eat dog, play the violin until their fingers bleed, use chopsticks instead of forks, be really good at math but really bad at driving, and, and... all that other evil stuff those Commie, wealth-spreading bastards do for shits and giggles on their way to taking over the world.

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