Prop 8 for the [Easily Manipulated, Exploited, Poorly Indoctrinated] Kids

Dear Little Irene and Randy,

It's great that you're getting involved with politics at such a young age. Having not hit puberty yet, we're sure it can get pretty durned confusing with all of the grownups around ya filling your head with all sorts of "information" and "facts" about important things like, "Why homosexuality is wrong" and "The certainty of you suddenly encountering the confusing situation of your mom being a man and your dad being a woman if Proposition 8 doesn't pass in California." So many big words! And not enough playtime or candy, Right? Are ya with us? High fives!

So we wanted to get real simple and tell you a couple of things about your parents. They're actually goblins. That's right, goblins! Do you know what a goblin is? A goblin is a monster who has a human brain cut in half and then half again, one that is shriveled up and purple like a prune! Eww! Prunes! They also smell really really bad, mostly because they eat brains for breakfast! Yuck! Don't forget this, either -- goblins have ugly feet, and because they are so stupid, they can't carry on normal conversations, carry on productive lives, or write two verses that rhyme.

So these goblin parents of yours, they were cursed by a very ugly, wicked witch with a very, ugly wicked nose with a wart on it (Ewww!) a long time ago -- a punishment for stealing cookies from autistic babies. Don't worry if you don't know what "autistic" means (by the way, it means "awesome.") Anyway, so your goblin parents knew that one day they would have children, and those children would not be goblins! They would be wonderful, sweet, beautiful children named Irene and Randy. But the goblins knew, because of the curse, that those beautiful children would be disgusted if they knew that the goblins were goblins. Maybe those beautiful children would abandon the goblins, because they were so icky and stupid! So they went to the witch doctor and asked for a spell... and the spell gave them the power of a hypnotic music. With the gift of one very simple, hypnotic song, they could brainwash their beautiful children, and channel the hate of goblins somewhere, anywhere else! That's right! They could make their children hate somebody else!!

So they wrote a song, which wasn't very good (because they're stupid goblins that can't rhyme), and they played it for you every day. And you've been hypnotized with hatred ever since!

Additionally, your parents have also stolen most of your Christmas presents, killed your dog and goldfish, and eat cake while playing video games every night after you go to bed.

Oh, and also, we have heard that if you sing the "Yes on 8" song more than 14 times, you also turn into a goblin.

The moral of the story is: divorce your parents. They're narrow-minded assholes that have exploited and filmed you doing something terrible. When you grow older, we are sure that you will regret this, and on that day, we hope that you consider socking them both in the neckmeat.

And our advice to you is: if you want to get a lot of candy on Halloween, dress up as a sign that says, "Vote NO on Prop 8!" And when you walk around the neighborhood, be sure to chant, "Bigotry is Dead! My Parents are Goblins! Vote No on 8!" And no, it doesn't rhyme -- but that should just make it easier for your parents to follow along.

If you have any questions, just stay in touch!

Love and gummi bears,
DISGRASIAN

Comments

[Truth789]

Wow teaching your kids hate and intolerance at an early age! Their parents must be proud sigh!

Please Please Please Vote No On Prop 8! In the name of Equality and Love and Respect!

If Yes wins.....who knows how bad it can get.

[erockv]

Before I started watching the video I just assumed the kids would be white.

[pollen8]

This is so screamingly horrifying. It's distressing how people are so ready to exploit their own children in the name of "Protecting Family." Sigh...

[wembles]

absolutely foul. disgusting and foul.
no on 8. do not legalize hate!

[JohnBisceglia]

HuffPost's Pick

This abuse of children is THE abomination of the decade. Children? For political gain? For religious dominance? For power? Ick. This poor child is now PROGRAMMED to consider all non-heterosexuals INFERIOR and NOT DESERVING of civil rights. If it is not HATE, is it LOVE? What is it?

These kinds of things have finally MOTIVATED the gay community. You know what is happening nationwide? More and more of the LFBT community is deciding:

"No. we will NOT be a political football anymore. Debate until you collaspe from loss of breath, what you CANNOT do is take my tax dollars and say I owe this country ANYTHING when this country allows Christian Zealots to create and establish 'law'. "

[Pegasys9]

Gee, I thought the argument against prop. 8 was that it's about equality.
I guess faciously villifying parents ("narrow minded ***holes, 1/4 of a brain, etc...) is what it's all about.

I'm beginning to wonder who agrees to publish this dreck.

[JerryFreeman]

I 'm against Prop. 8. that said, I notice hate and intolerance on both sides. The far right does not have the excusive on this. The hyprocrisy of the far left is so glaring for the simple fact theyr'e usually first to cry intolerance, yet can't stand to hear another point of view. Thats the true test of free speech, its not just when you agree with it. I just saw on the news last night of two individuals in west hollywood that have hung Palin in effigy. Although I really dislike this woman, what if it had been Obama hung in effigy? I guarantee the there would have been a larger uproar and protest cjiting hate and racism.

[notamarin]

Yes, there would have been a larger outrage if it had been Obama. There is a lot more meaning in hanging a black man in effigy in this country. That is history's fault, not Obama's.

But there WAS outrage over this fool in west hollywood. He was Olbermann's target for sure.

Re: the left being tolerant... I call nonsense. The left is completely tolerant of who you want to marry. Trying to claim that they need to respect views of discrimination towards them is nonsense.