Second Life Hookers Way Less Interesting Than Real Life Hookers

02/13/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

I discovered over the weekend that you can sorta make a living--albeit in Linden Dollars--as a Second Life hooker. (The current exchange rate is 250 Linden Dollars to the US Dollar, and a high-priced Second Life call girl makes 2000-3000 a night, which amounts to 3 or 4 lattes in the real world.) I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, because every economy in the real world also seems to exist on Second Life, but I've never actually been on Second Life, nor have I even had the inclination, so this was news to me.

And I was intrigued. Oh, the possibilities! Can you imagine what hookers are like in a virtual world? They could be Ph.D candidates-cum-hookers! Or astronauts-cum-hookers! Or race car drivers-cum-hookers! Or classical pianists-cum-hookers! (Yes, I'm aware that I just wrote "cum" four times.) So I went on a Second Life escort site to see what these virtual ladies of the night were all about, expecting to find many unexpected and therefore titillating choices.

Name: Fuktoi Nakamura
Nationality: English
Languages: English
Age: 19
Bust Size: D

"Amerasian, best of both worlds. I'd love to be your instrument of pleasure: I'm Bi, girls don't be shy. Escort/model/assasin (sic), take your pick."

"If you want, I do dress in cosplay. I can be innocent if you want, or dominting (sic). Men/Women welcome."

Name: Kimmie Park
Nationality: Asian
Languages: Chinese, English
Age: 23
Hair: Black
Eyes: Blue

"I'm a 23 year old slender Asian play toy...I am naturally submissive but can switch."

And then, quite suddenly, I was bored. Bored out of my gourd. Between the drive-bisexuality, the declarations of submissiveness, the Asian chick with the blue eyes, the obligatory and dare I say weary mention of cosplay, and the horrible spelling, I was no longer intrigued, "Escort/model/assasin" notwithstanding (which was kinda funny). If this is as good and imaginative and kinky as hookers get in Second Life, then life must be just as dull, pedestrian and predictable as it is in the First.

Sounds like. So. Much. Fun. Sign me up.

[via BuzzFeed and Kotaku]