That Chinese Sperm Bank Photo: You've Been Shanghaied
I saw this NSFW photo on BuzzFeed this week, allegedly taken at a Shanghai sperm bank, and my immediate train of thought was, Yick Yuck What the Fuck Their Sperm Works but Their Hands Don't Being a Woman Blows.
And then that quivery Kate Bush song, "This Woman's Work," came on in my head, and I was pissed.
But I conducted a little investigation and found that this picture first surfaced on the interwebz in late 2008, and it was immediately dismissed as a hoax by officials at Renji Hospital in Shanghai, where the sperm bank is located. So why, then, does this meme still persist? A coupla theories:
- Because the world needs more Asian massage parlor jokes
- Because everything in China is wack and fucked-up and backwards, unlike in the West
- Because Asians are inscrutable, as are their customs
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Tamar Abrams: From One Single Mom to Another
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Louise Sloan: You Can Take the Sperm Out of the Man, But Can You Take the Man Out of the Sperm?
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Bob Burnett: This Just In -- Sperm Have Rights
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Your right it is universal in human society. The main difference is that in America the " I love you long time" charge is a 40 minute hour.
A while back it clicked, and I realised we have Stanley Kubrick to blame. It was his film Full Metal Jacket that popularized the phrase "Me love You Long Time" and the idea that Asian women are all whores at heart. Not his intention I'm sure, but that's how it ended up - aided and abetted by the 2 Live Crew rapsong 'Me So Horney'.
From there it became part of the lexicon and many a comedy show have used it and the 'happy ending' as a punchline. It's sad, because I really feel it (now, in the past 5 years) when I walk in public with my Asian wife of 20 years.
Of course rather than blame Kubrick we could get into a discussion about the fault really lying with American G.I.'s in Vietnam ... but if the spin machine is correct Asia has a long tradition of selling women/children for sex dating back a long time so it's not America's fault. It's just an Asian cultural thing.
Yeah, right.
Don't worry about it. As near as I can tell, the practice of selling young women into sexual slavery appears to be almost universal in human society. As we speak, it's happening on just about every continent, including North America. Whether it's Asian massage girls, Eastern European "mail-order brides", or young African girls hired as "domestic help", there's a different form of sexual slavery in every dirty, dark corner of the globe.
But don't worry, the Republicans have a plan to fix this problem: deregulation and lower taxes for the rich!
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