02/15/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

The Chopsticks Diet: People Used to Just Call it "Eating"

The Chopsticks Diet is one of the latest nutritional fads, centered around eating healthy Japanese food with -- you guessed it -- chopsticks. Author Kimiko Barber contends in her new book by the same name that using chopsticks is the key to staying slim.

"In Japan, food is served in smaller portions and is designed to be eaten with chopsticks which slow you down, so you eat less."

I love the audacity of this idea. Because it's so obvious. And it's such an outrageous example of "branding," of selling a "concept" that has been quietly going on for thousands of years in certain parts of the world, only up until now, it was called "eating." And because people (like Victoria Beckham) are gonna fall for this shit hook, line, and sinker the way they fell for feng shui, because it's Asian and ancient and therefore good for you, like yoga, acupuncture, Chinese herbs, shiatsu massage, tai chi, and everything else "discovered" by D-list actresses and Hollywood wives and lifestyle douchebags.

Kimiko Barber: "Haha, suckas! Ka-Ching...Chong!"

And somebody's gotta get rich selling this Eastern mysticism-opiate to the masses, so it might as well be Kimiko. I'm just bummed I didn't come up with the idea myself. Because then I'd be richhhhhhhhhhh! And I'd eat really richhhhhhhhh food because I would be one richhhhhhhhhhh bitchhhhhhhhh and then I'd get fat because I wouldn't give a fuck what people thought of me because I'd be richhhhhhhhhhhh and wasteful and I'd wallpaper my bathroom with hundred dollar bills.

[via BuzzFeed]