Free Demetrius Oglesby

In Aurora, Illinois, there's trouble. On Thursday, May 31 at West Aurora High School, 200 students incited a melee that many teachers describe as a "food fight." Teenagers, bored with booze and firearms, have taken to using food as crude missiles, which are indiscriminately launched into crowds of innocent children. We include the following graphic footage of the Attack at Armstrong High as an example:

Due to the sad state of public schools, these children have no military training, and so guerrilla cafeteria warfare usually escalates to a giggling, messy frenzy. No lines are drawn: freshmen hurl pizza at sophomores, sophomores --without leadership and in peril of Involuntary Smiling Syndrome-- attack seniors, leaving juniors no choice but to strike pell-mell at all insurgents regardless of academic rank or social status. Some reports confirm the use of milk, a homogenized chemical agent sometimes laced with rBGH.

Even though hundreds turned on their own classmates in the tumult, only one West Aurora High student faces a felony charge --Demetrius Oglesby. Demetrius has been charged with resisting arrest after running from a police officer who was hobbled during the pursuit. In times of insurrection, the law clearly outweighs the shame of being a klutz.

Five days after the food fight, the West Aurora High School camps appears calm. However, rumors run rampant of a new weapon that employs wads of dampened paper, which are then shot through a plastic straw. According to reports, the weapon is easier to conceal than a sandwich and, much to the horror of teachers and parents, contains no nutritional value.

Who can truly be found guilty during a sustenance-based war? It seems all too convenient a person eligible to vote was chosen to bear the legal brunt of the brutally delicious attack. While the school administration might place Oglesby with other upstarts like Leonard Peltier, does the Aurora Teenage Resistance need another martyr? No. Aurora, and the rest of America, should take this time to heal. The damage is done. There is no need to cause more harm. Free Demetrius Oglesby.