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Donald Kaul

Donald Kaul

 

Sarah Palin and the Dozen Dwarfs

Posted: 03/28/11 01:41 PM ET

Cross-posted with OtherWords.

The tea party effect: no Republican who can win the general election in 2012 can be nominated.

There are those--I won't name them, they know who they are--who have taken to calling the slate of Republican presidential hopefuls "Sarah Palin and the Seven Dwarfs." That's unfair.

There are way more than seven GOP politicians ready to run. I put the list right now at about 12, give or take a dwarf.

And there'd be more except that John Thune withdrew from the race a month or so ago.

Most of the rest of the GOP gang showed up in Washington a few months ago to try out their acts at the Conservative Political Action Conference. Generally speaking, the candidates spoke with one voice--for God, guns, and Ronald Reagan. They were uniformly against health care, taxes, and Barack Obama. (Have I mentioned that the conference was about a quart low on new ideas?)

The 10,000 attendees listened to all of the speeches, then made Ron Paul, the Texan flat-earther, their choice for president. (Did I also mention that its sense of reality was running on empty?)

Ironically, the only Republican that a clear majority of Americans could pick out of a police lineup--Sarah Palin--failed to show up at the conference. She and Mike Huckabee, the comfort-food candidate, were busy organizing their sock drawers. Or something.

To call the Republican field weak is to understate the obvious. It's a collection of has-been (Newt Gingrich, Haley Barbour, Mitt Romney), never-were (Tim Pawlenty, Rick Santorum, Mitch Daniels) and "who's he?" candidates (Herman Cain, Jon Huntsman).

The real problem the Republicans have, however, isn't the relative anonymity of their candidates--after all, hardly anyone knew who Obama was two years before he was elected. It's the fact that no Republican who can win the general election in 2012 can be nominated. Call it the tea party effect.

Republican candidates aren't merely afraid of tea party conservatives, they're terrified. One after another, they've repudiated past votes, policies, and beliefs in fear of offending those wild-eyed people in the funny hats.

Romney? As Governor of Massachusetts he advocated and got passed a health care plan much like President Obama's. He's now against it.

Pawlenty? When he was Governor of Minnesota he backed cap-and-trade legislation, a scarlet letter to real conservatives. He has apologized for the error.

Newt Gingrich? The former Speaker of the House may be a great advocate for the sanctity of marriage, but both times this do-what-I-say-not-what-I-do adulterer got divorced, he was dumping a wife suffering from a severe illness. The first was recovering from uterine cancer and the second had recently been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis.

Go through the list. Everyone's got something about him for conservatives to hate.

No wonder they look back so fondly on Ronald Reagan, the mythological figure bearing the name of our 40th president.

To hear Republicans talk, Reagan was George Washington, Winston Churchill, and John Wayne rolled into one.

He really wasn't. The real Ronnie wasn't as bad as Democrats made him out to be, but he was guilty of one great sin: He convinced the American people that they could have all the government they wanted without having to pay taxes for it.

He tripled the national debt during his time in office and set his party on the disastrous course the United States still travels.

Yet, given the yahoos and know-nothings the Republicans are left with today, I can see why they look back upon Reagan with fondness. He was a man of great charm.

Then again, so was Bernie Madoff.

 
Cross-posted with OtherWords. The tea party effect: no Republican who can win the general election in 2012 can be nominated. There are those--I won't name them, they know who they are--who have tak...
Cross-posted with OtherWords. The tea party effect: no Republican who can win the general election in 2012 can be nominated. There are those--I won't name them, they know who they are--who have tak...
 
 
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10:12 AM on 04/05/2011
you did not mention Rand Paul. he is the real threat to Obama. I do not want to see him as president but he will i think end up being the republican candidate and he will be hard to beat. forget the rest Paul will win the nomination and we democrats had better be prepared for a tough fight. I do not think at this moment that Obama can beat him. Obama as much as i like him and still respect him is no leader he is not presidential material and the faster he looses the democratic primary the better off we will be. I had so high hopes for the man but he just does not have the make up for a political fight, it is not in him. he either looses the primary or the democrats loose the government and then the country will really suffer. i was hoping that for the good of the country that Obama would not run again. i still feel that he is a man deserving of great respect just not a man deserving of my vote for president.
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Harbinger08
You have the right to remain silent
07:13 PM on 04/07/2011
Not going to happen. I live in Kentucky. He's not presidential material. If he spends a term as a Senator and makes a huge impact, then the subject might be worth revisiting. But I seriously doubt it.
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99er2049er
Obama 2012 - Romney 2048
11:42 PM on 04/01/2011
I would vote for every member of the GOP. To be in the stupidest new reality show of the decade. We can call it something like GOP Madness.

Every republican presidential front runner would make a perfect character in this reality show. Each week, they would compete against the Real Housewives and Jersey Shore for dumbest statements and craziest antics.
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comicpro
Stupid Should Be Painful
01:15 PM on 03/31/2011
Great article and funny to boot! Yes the GOP candidates are long in the tooth,short in intellect and are going to eat each other alive in the primaries. I hope like hell they have plenty of band aids!!
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99er2049er
Obama 2012 - Romney 2048
11:45 PM on 04/01/2011
This is going to be the fun part. Remember when we had to watch the democrats attack each other during the primaries?

Now it will be the truly fun part. And you know republicans are the biggest name calling dirtbags, so just imagine how much dirt they will dish out on each other. Perfect democratic advertising material to be used in their run against the GOP winner, as if we don't already have enough ammo from the GOP just opening their mouths when they speak to their own base.

How will the democrats sort through all the GOP speech blunders to pick out the best 10 or even 100 to use for commercials???
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SVPincalif
Practice random acts of kindness
11:51 AM on 03/30/2011
I wonder what will happen when Sara doesn't run and all the Teabaggers who donated to her PAC hear she's quit on another job she proclaimed to be able to win.
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99er2049er
Obama 2012 - Romney 2048
11:47 PM on 04/01/2011
ahahahah I love it. Maybe the lady who says she's not a witch will take the teabaggers money and run for president. Or Bachman. Either way, this is gonna be a laugh a minute ride. Children, don't quote the GOP or teabaggers historian quotes, as they are always wrong (and you will get an F in history class if you try).
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99er2049er
Obama 2012 - Romney 2048
10:59 PM on 03/29/2011
The GOP may not win the election, but they can continue to block all legislation the democrats try to put out, so it will still be another 2 years of not getting much done. Thanks GOP, you all really suck!
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11:37 AM on 03/30/2011
you had the majority in both houses and it is Nancy Pelosi fault along with Harry Reid, they forced what they wanted through....

call them and complain
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99er2049er
Obama 2012 - Romney 2048
11:48 PM on 04/01/2011
I agree. I think Obama is trying the peacemaker and compromiser position now, so he can win over the independents for the 2012 run. Then I believe he will just let loose on the republicans every time they block quality democratic legislation. I would love to see Obama and the dems let loose on the GOP once and for all!!!
11:20 AM on 03/29/2011
Bernie Madoff did an infinitesmal amount of harm to the country, compared to Reagan.

In Madoff's case a few rich people aren't, and they all learned something.

In Reagan's case, the whole middle class was flushed down the drain, and still hasn't figured it out.
06:38 PM on 04/01/2011
Boy, that is so true. Madoff was a piker compared to the damage from Reagan but I don't think Reagan fully understood what massive damage his policys would do in the future. Don't forget even Reagan RAISED taxes several times as did Bush Sr.
It's really the Bush/Cheney admiistration and the complete hijacking of the GOP by the far right that has caused today's middle class catasrophic damage..
10:18 AM on 03/29/2011
Columnist Donald Kaul has done the remarkable and syntheticized a succinct law from the current chaos of Republican politics: "The tea party effect: no Republican who can win the general election in 2012 can be nominated."

The GOP's problem has slid into that critical territory beyond repairing. The tea partiers and fringe reactionaries are beyond self-discipline in Congress and state houses, revealing in ugly detail the skewed vision they would impose on the rest of us.

And it's not just that we are appalled by and reject their nonsense. It's that every day we're more determined to turn them out in 2012.
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99er2049er
Obama 2012 - Romney 2048
11:00 PM on 03/29/2011
I love when the GOP turn on each other. Lets get them fighting, go tea party, go republicans. Hey republicans, did you hear what the tea party said about you? Hey tea party, the republicans say you aren't worth jack squat. Now start tearing each other apart!!!
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99er2049er
Obama 2012 - Romney 2048
11:50 PM on 04/01/2011
The GOP/Teabaggers have completely tarnished any good standing the republican party had left (and it certainly didn't have much left after Bush/Cheney and of course Palin/McCain). They are just a laughingstock, but a really really frightening laughingstock (kind of like the killer clown you see in Steven King movies - funny, but scary as hell at the same time).
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Targetdog
Remembering recent history...
08:29 AM on 03/29/2011
"And there'd be more except that John Thune withdrew from the race a month or so ago." - I was sad to see Thune withdraw so early, he was "sooooo handsome" and a "rising star" according to HP.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Targetdog
Remembering recent history...
08:26 AM on 03/29/2011
This is the ONLY Palin story on the politics page at HP? Where oh where will I go for my comic relief? I may have to resort to watching real comedians for a change.
11:21 AM on 03/29/2011
No, no, she's there, too, weighing in on BO, again.

Whenever I start to lose faith in that guy, she pipes up and reminds me what a statesman he really is...
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Targetdog
Remembering recent history...
12:36 PM on 03/29/2011
Yeah, that non-story popped up the minute I made my post.
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99er2049er
Obama 2012 - Romney 2048
11:52 PM on 04/01/2011
Obama has class in the way he handles the immature and relentless attacks the GOP puts out on him. I hate to say this, but that was the only good quality George Bush had. Bush did a horrible job as president, but one trait he did have that I liked was he showed class by not attacking former and current administrations.
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99er2049er
Obama 2012 - Romney 2048
11:02 PM on 03/29/2011
I have mixed emotions about Palin. I can't stand seeing her face, and hearing her voice, it sends chills down my body. I wish she would disappear off the media...However, I like when she speaks because she just takes her party down a notch each time. Plus the GOP doesn't like her either, yet they are too scared to speak out against her, so when she's out there, the GOP suffers a little more each time (and I believe baby Jesus cries a tear as well). ahahahhahaha

Mixed emotions....
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11:40 AM on 03/30/2011
really took the party down a notch.... like last November... GOP need her
06:41 PM on 04/01/2011
Well, Michele Bachman is doing the impossible and making even Palin look good (and boy thats hard to do)
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OneFish
Various and assorted mutualistic microbial buddies
02:26 AM on 03/29/2011
This seems like good news if the analysis is correct. Now, how can we get our current crap^H^Hop of Democrats to become progressive, liberty loving, supportable politicians?
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99er2049er
Obama 2012 - Romney 2048
11:03 PM on 03/29/2011
Wouldn't that be amazing if we could get the old democrats to come back and stand up for the values of the constituents that voted for them?
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OneFish
Various and assorted mutualistic microbial buddies
05:02 PM on 03/30/2011
When pigs fly...
10:23 AM on 03/30/2011
Sometimes the dems are just the lesser of the evils.
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OneFish
Various and assorted mutualistic microbial buddies
05:02 PM on 03/30/2011
That I can accept, but then we have to talk about how much less, and recently it's not enough.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
boomcat44
If you're gonna be a BEAR....be a GRIZZLY
02:12 AM on 03/29/2011
Amazingly, all 12 of the Dwarfs are called DOPEY.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
librldem
Snarking for Merika n jebus! Glory!
08:53 AM on 03/29/2011
LOL f&f
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
thinkingwomanmillstone
My life is microbiodegradable.
09:21 AM on 03/29/2011
f/f
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
mudshark12
Now who are you jiving with that cosmik debris?
01:05 AM on 03/29/2011
Great article by Donald Kaul! However I strongly disagree with one point, which is that the GOPee conference held 2 months ago is more than 2 quarts low, the "check engine" light is on and the damn thing is about to overheat and seize up!

Sarah Palin, who failed to show up at the conference was at Iditarod, Alaska for the dog sled race. Mike Huckabee the comfort-food candidate, also a no-show, was busy experimenting on a new recepie for beef stew. These two knew how much of a crashing bore the conference was and blew it off.
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99er2049er
Obama 2012 - Romney 2048
11:04 PM on 03/29/2011
Oh noooooos, what is we all gonna dooooos????
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
mudshark12
Now who are you jiving with that cosmik debris?
11:20 PM on 03/29/2011
Sufferin' succotash I dunno daffy! (I like your avatar)
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10:48 PM on 03/28/2011
Whoo Hoo!! What a great article. Just so amusing! The TRUTH is funnier than fiction, by a long shot. Thanks so much.
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shilparules
10:47 PM on 03/28/2011
Super Sarah Palin certainly bestrides the narrow media/political world like a colossus, dwarfing all who scramble & scurry under her majestic & regal gaze.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
catbyte
Anishinaabe in MI
09:12 AM on 03/29/2011
Huh?? Do you post on TDB under the name chiefbigknife? Your overly florid prose about the Quitter from Wasilla suggests it.

Anishnabe in MI
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
MaineSenior
Not born in Maine, but I have a right to choose
04:41 PM on 03/29/2011
I love the image you've planted in my mind of what we see while looking up at SP bestriding the world; is she wearing a skirt?
dessertsfirst
because life is too short!!
10:18 PM on 03/28/2011
Excellent post, Mr. Kaul,,,, way to put it into perspective.