I am thrilled to be in New York this week for the "Women Entrepreneurs Rock the World" conference (along with a Yankees game!). One of the guest speakers is my dear friend Taryn Rose. Talk about an inspiration. Taryn is a former orthopedic surgeon, and if that's not impressive enough, she combined her understanding of feet with her love of shoes to create a multi-million dollar empire built by necessity -- the creation of comfortable stilettos. This opportunity to network and exchange ideas with six-hundred other female entrepreneurs sparked my train of thought about how far women have come over the past one hundred years -- and how far we still have to go in our pursuit of genuine economic equality.
Yes, it is true -- women in America have come a long way. We've evolved beyond sexy secretaries and "Fly Me" stewardesses to hold positions in every conceivable field. Women no longer have to go to work and endure condescending "atta girl" butt swats a la Mad Men. We now have freedom and choices that were once only a dream. We comprise more than fifty percent of the workforce. We have closed the education gap. We can get married or not, stay that way or not, and we can openly have sex with anyone we please. We can have children in or out of wedlock, and we can decide whether to have a career or stay at home.
Sounds fabulous. So what do modern women have to complain about now that we have it all? The answer is plenty, because something unexpected happened once American men realized that American women had succeeded in their fight for liberation. It seems the fellas made a calculated decision of their own. Men conceded to women's liberation by exchanging equal opportunities for women with the historic obligations of men, and out the door they went! Buh-bye! And half of them never came back.
Women fought for the right to have it all, and now we have the obligation to do it all. Talk about bitter sweet. The big question for all modern women is this -- how are we supposed to do it all without sacrificing our children, our careers, our marriages, or ourselves? One thing is for sure, even if it's possible, it's certainly not easy -- for any of us. My own entrepreneurial ventures are 100 percent determined by how much I can accomplish between the hours of carpool. Now, toss in a dutiful husband, a feverish child, grocery shopping, a sink full of dishes, and ten errands that should have been done yesterday, a shower, and oh yeah -- a business, and you have the challenges of a typical 21st century woman. I acknowledge that I am a turtle in this race. I gave up on speed long ago. When it comes to my business ventures, my goal is simply to cross the finish line -- in this lifetime.
Here it the biggest obstacle to the workplace advancement of women: we can change the law, but we cannot change our biological make-up. The fact is, most women have children, and children are indeed one of the greatest joys in our lives. However, with a 50 percent divorce rate, way too many women are now forced to raise those babies on their own -- much to the detriment of their kids, as well as their earning power. The sad reality is that it's nearly impossible for women to compete in an economic race against men when women are forced to run the race with babies strapped to their back. It's no mystery why single women with children are by far the largest demographic living in poverty in America. Some women may think that with all of our liberation and opportunity, they don't need men anymore. However, children certainly do. Modern women are going to have to accept that men can bring value to our lives. And that's okay. It doesn't make us weak. It makes us smart. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that a strong partnership is an asset when it comes to balancing business -- and babies.
As a flag-waving liberated women, I still realize that our struggle is far from over. Women must step up our fight for affordable childcare and flexible hours. We also need to go above and beyond to help each other -- not only in business, but by sharing our wisdom to help guide young women to make intelligent decisions in the first place. We need to bring men on board our businesses to be our allies, and our advocates in attracting financing and venture capital for our companies. (Women-owned businesses receive less than 10 percent of venture capital funding). We need to unite our strengths and become mindful and proactive in not supporting anything or anyone who undermines our respect, our careers, our marriages or our families. We have to preserve the rights we've fought so hard to have. We also must maintain our professional dignity and self-respect while keeping our husbands in our homes and our children on the right track.
So here's to all the great female entrepreneurs gathering in New York this week. Good luck to you all. And for all of us women, thank you for continuing to crash through those glass ceilings, even if you have to do it with a baby balanced on your hip. Oh, and very importantly -- Go Yankees!
Follow Donna Estes Antebi on Twitter: www.twitter.com/donnaantebi
As a childcare provider, my partner and I have tried to maintain very afffordable rates. We realize that it is difficult for 2 working adults to pay for childcare, much less a single parent trying to pay for it alone. I say here's to you and the positive words you bring to women everywhere! I salute you and women all over the world. There is nothing we cannot do. Keep up the good work!
Inspiring article!
Forced ? I doubt that characterization wholely. Most women fight for custody and get it.
I read the article but I've always wanted to say "why" ? Why do women choose to have children without a compatible job for both then complain about how hectic and chaotic their lives have become ?
Seems more like someone protesting too much.
Knowing that we are most likely to be the primary care-giver to our children (usually by choice), the responsibility is on us to decide when (and if) to have these children and what sacrifices you are willing to make for that.
I'm not saying we have to choose between a career and children, but we have to realize that we can't have it all and men don't have it all either. I don't envy men at all.
I also think it's important to do more research into the demographics of single parents and not attribute the problem to divorce. How many are teenage mothers or have children as a result of an accidental pregnancy?
The circumstances that we have children under are largely responsible for what we can do with our career afterward, and for that we are equally, if not more responsible than our male counterparts.
Also, regarding flexible hours: it will great if we can get those, but when it comes to hiring, if I need flexible hours and an equally qualified male (or female) candidate doesn't, guess who gets the job?
As for childcare... yes!! Childcare costs way too much and we need to do something about it :)
I think the most important thing to take from the article is that we need to support each other and I'm all for that.
May you continue to enjoy!
We got some unintended consequences. When we dumped "Father Knows Best," we got Homer Simpson - the foolish, hapless father figure whose immaturity is what makes him funny. But it's not funny. When we critiqued the male ideal's darker side, we lost the good stuff too. The social strictures that kept men in their "proper" roles in the 1950s weren't much nicer than the ones women faced...an unmarried man at 40 had to be a "momma's boy" or...(whisper, whisper) "homosexual."
It's good those strictures are gone, but I look back at my grandfathers and wish for a man like them. There are indeed many excellent men in all age groups - exemplary teenagers, excellent fathers, excellent husbands, and simply good, decent guys. However, I do think they all are searching a bit for a "revised masculine ideal." Boys and men need heroic ideals for which to strive (beyond athletic fame or Goldman-Sachs-style success) - and women need men who strive for them.
Couldn’t have said it better whilst appreciate your words as a single father of two daughters in whom I've instilled similar thoughts. It's a pleasure reading your salient thoughts and accordingly I just became your 26th fan. And, yes, you’re the 1st person I'm a fan of as you were my 1st fan.
Write on...'say it loud and say it proud,' if I may borrow from that yesteryear chant.
Congratulations on your noted accomplishments too…success is yours to enjoy!
In raising my son, I try to seek out exemplary friends...his Grandpa is cool (featured in Hot Rod magazine - he's gotta be the king of cool!). In addition, I'm hoping to steep my son (and daughter) in King Arthur and his Knights, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, Thomas Paine and all those Founding Dads, Galileo, Newton...etc. etc. Lots of good stuff to build on for that "revised masculine ideal"...but we as a society are definitely still in a collective muddle.
All the best in the hard (but rewarding) work of single parenting...
"It's no mystery why single women with children are by far the largest demographic living in poverty in America."
"Women must step up our fight for affordable childcare and flexible hours."
"We also need to go above and beyond to help each other..."
Anyone who cares about children should be fighting for affordable childcare and flexible hours. We all benefit from having healthy and well-cared for kiddos in our communities. The alternative we face long term - could be spending $210,000 per inmate annually!!! Already, approx. 39% of America's children are being raised in very low income households (that earn up to twice the poverty rate - around $44,000/yr for a family of four). 39% of the homeless population is under 18. As a nation, we shouldn't allow such incivility. How do we expect children being raised in such dire circumstances to succeed? Do we really want to waste our tax dollars "throwing people away"?
Unfortunately, we live in a "bootstraps" nation - where we're taught to look out for and take care of ourselves. Hopefully, articles like your's will start to chip away at that outdated thinking.