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Donna Flagg

Donna Flagg

Posted: July 7, 2010 04:57 PM

Do You Earn or Deserve Respect?

What's Your Reaction:

I've seen it a lot and must say, I find it odd -- ineffective managers struggling with the frustration of not being able to get their employees to perform the way they want them to and further, not knowing what to do about it. I can recall having conversations with my own direct reports over the years inquiring as to why things weren't getting done or moving forward. They, in turn would complain that their staffers just didn't give them the respect they "deserved." It was such a distorted answer, and I got it all the time.

For some reason, there was (and still is) an implicit assumption that because one person was "over" another, the "higher" person would automatically be treated with unconditional, unwavering deference. Maybe that was true during the agricultural and industrial ages, but even then, it wasn't respect, it was control and those days are gone. In order to be effective, managers need to see the difference between deserving respect and earning it, because motivating someone has nothing to do with position and title, but rather how one behaves -- period.

That said, for managers who want respect, remember that it does not automatically come with the job. It's the person, not the position that people admire. And it's behavior, not title that impresses them to act.

Consistency: You must be consistent. You can't show one "face" to one group or level in the organization and another to the people who report to you. It screams "two-faced," which quickly turns to lack of trust for anyone who witnesses it. Without trust, people will not feel safe working for you. As a result, you'll get little from them and more likely, nothing at all.

Fairness: Don't play favorites. You must apply the same rules to everyone and give people the benefit of the doubt -- equally.

Freedom: Respect begets respect and trust begets trust. If you want people to trust and respect you, you must trust and respect them first. If you try to control people, they will resist your very presence. Healthy productive people don't like to be constrained by someone who needs to exercise a false sense of power.

So the next time you wonder why people aren't listening to you, ask yourself what you've done lately to engage their attention. The belief that people should do something simply because "you're the boss and you said so," is just not enough.


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07:23 PM on 08/17/2010
Earning employee loyalty and respect. Public/corp. managements are into a phase of creative disassembly. Hundreds of thousands of jobs are being shed. Even solid world class institutions like the University of California Berkeley under the leadership of Chancellor Birgeneau & Provost Breslauer are firing staff, faculty and part-time lecturers. Yet many employees, professionals and faculty cling to old assumptions about one of the most critical relationship of all: the implied, unwritten contract between employer and employee.Until recently, loyalty was the cornerstone of that relationship. Employers promised work security in return for employees fitting in, performing in prescribed ways. Longevity was a sign of employeer-employee relations; turnover was a sign of dysfunction. None of these assumptions apply today. Organizations can no longer guarantee work , even if they want to.
Organizations are now forced to break the implied contract with employees – a contract nurtured by management that the future can be controlled.
Jettisoned employees are finding that the hard won knowledge, earned while being loyal are no longer valuable in the employment market place.
What kind of a contract can employers and employees make with each other? . Employers and employees face financial conditions together: longevity of the partnership depends on how well the for-profit or not-for-profit continues to meet the needs of customers and constituencies. Neither employer nor employee has a future obligation to the other. Organizations train people. Employees develop the security they really need – skills that enhance future employability.
10:08 AM on 07/08/2010
Very true. Like you, I've seen far too many people in my career who think a title or position confers and demands automatic respect. It never does.

But the managers and bosses who trusted me and my fellow workers to get the job done, who listened to (and acted on!) feedback from the people doing the actual work, and who got down in the trenches and pitched in when needed -- they got respect, a satisfied staff and our best work.
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Donna Flagg
11:53 AM on 07/08/2010
It seems so simple doesn't it? Yet people find it so elusive.