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Donnie Fowler Headshot

What a Bunch of Whiny Sourpusses

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It has just gotten awful for the Republicans. Tear-shedding gut-wrenching heart-breaking sad.

The party of tough talk and unflappable belief in their version of America -- the party willing to send others' kids to war to prove how tough they are -- has just become the most whiny, bitchy, sad little thing you've ever seen. Like one of those poodles with a red ribbon and a pedi-pedi and an owner who you just want to hand a sandwich to and beg her to eat, please eat. It's gotten so bad that Republicans even gave up smashing beer cans against their foreheads to have tea parties for each other.

It's all the fault of someone else. The group who insists we can do it alone and don't need any help from anyone else and nobody better question us 'cause we know what we're doing so you better not speak up or we'll call you un-American anti-apple pie terrorists socialists godless wimps has, well, fallen victim ...

... poor victims of the media who won't treat them fair and balanced

... poor victims of dweeby little college professors and meek little school teachers who are bent on indoctrinating their kids

... poor victims of sad little dictators like Hugo Chavez, Fidel Castro, and Kim Jung Il who just won't listen!

... poor victims of the Intertubes & the mean pajama-clad bloggers who won't leave them alone

... poor victims of the American voters who threw 'em out of power

... poor victims of Nancy Pelosi & Rahm Emanuel & Arlen Specter who keep pullin' the wool over their eyes
... poor victims of the mean old French who wouldn't play with them in their Iraq sandbox

... poor victims of the unions who won't let their executive friends take all the money and run
... poor victims of the gays who are ruining their god-blessed marriages

Geez.

Who wants to follow a Republican Party or conservative movement that sits in a corner, sucking its thumb, and whines about how the world is out to get them and they just can't do anything about it!?

At least they've still got Dick Cheney, Rush Limbaugh, and Newt Gingrich to show us how to be real men. (Or should I say moose-hunting Sarah Palin?)

Waaaah! Waaaah! Waaaah!

Waaaah!

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Donnie Fowler
San Francisco