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Men and Sex -- The Real Truth

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Men -- all they want is sex. Right? Really? No, not really! Not all men want sex all the time. A stereotype that plagues the male species. Men often get a bum rap, depicted as constantly sexually motivated, as if they live in a mental squirrel cage with a constant agenda to get into their spouse's panties, nighties or "whatever-ies" she's wearing.

At times men get labeled hound dogs, sickos and insatiable, like seeing a bobble head doll with a non-retractable erection. What a shame. Society, the male species included, needs a better, more accurate view of men and what they truly want from their mate -- both when the clothes are on and when naked.

So what does sex truly mean to men and why do they seek it? How might this be different than women or at least a variation on what females experience in their desire and search for physical release and connection?

For many men, sexual contact opens up a gateway to their soul. Like turning on a spigot of running water, they suddenly get in touch with raw feelings, the virtues of tenderness and the need to depend on another human being for warmth and safety. Men become softer and more human in that they gain access to a wider variety of feelings, thoughts and emotions. Moving, consistent sex turns their world upside down. Their heart inside out. Their love for life and wife bubble up from a deep well of feelings they often wall off, becoming clearer like a camera lens bringing its target into focus.

Most men have no history of positive role models for how to treat women, what real intimacy looks like and how to translate their needs for closeness into a positive way of pursuing their lover. And this is the rub! Think about it. Women want men who open up their feminine heart and body skillfully. Like a finely wrapped gift, they don't want the beautiful wrapping paper and ribbon hurriedly ripped off, wadded up and tossed into the garbage. They want to experience profound safety, honor and excitement in how men approach them, hold them and ask to be inside. Men, on the other hand, are quite capable of "paving the way" to intimacy -- after the fact. They surrender to their feminine, touchy-feely side during and after sex. During and after!

What a chasm in timing. Men want sex, which helps move them into a deeper connection with all their emotional wants and needs. Women want that deeper connection before the bedroom door opens. Ultimately, they both want the same thing. Passionate, rock-the-bed-stand, earthquake sex with souls bared wide open in tenderness, connection and erotic touch. And orgasms that spell not only physical release, but the intersection of two souls who need a deep kind of love suspended in time, delivered with expertise and boat-floating sexiness.

Yet if not on the same page, working mindfully toward the same spirit-building bond, great sex becomes more like the every-so-often lunar eclipse. Brilliant planets and moon shading one another for a brief, spectacular show that disappears into the sky returning far away in time -- too far away.

Some thoughts for men to consider. Kind of "how to get your wife naked and succeed" speech.

1. See your penis as a gateway to a larger soul-moving finale. Yes, your soul, your needs for affection, love, tenderness and love. Focus on those moving parts, the inner needs for dependency and life-changing connection with your lover. Set your penis-focus aside in favor of your softer, inner self.

2. Know before you penetrate her, you have to first penetrate her heart and soul. Yes, she wants sexy, exciting, erotic touch and all the fireworks that go with it. But many women want blood-curdling fireworks that first launch her internal emotions, make her feel like she is the most beautiful, cherished woman in the world. You heard it, cherished. All the time, hours and days before you embrace her naked. Does your woman feel that valued, apart from her body and the sex she gives to you?

3. Set the right goal. Like a strategic business move, go for the gold. The gold? Yes. Try to create closeness and affection that surface from a well of care and compassion, like the vapor from a hot spring exuding from below. Take your mind off your sexual desire long enough to feed your mind full of goodies like, "How can we just hold each other and experience our love in the moment." Or, "Let's look into each other's eyes and without words, express tenderness and the thrill that we know each other and have each other for life."

Many men are starved for affection, for the soft embrace of a woman who gives them the tenderness and warmth they don't know how to ask for. Sometimes don't know even exists within. Without these kinds of components, love-components, men search for closeness and bonding with such a limited emotional experience. So they keep pursuing sex, to get these gems -- thinking that the excitement of intercourse provides Nirvana. Not so. Many other moving parts.

So, guys, check in to your needs for love and connection. Let these guide, direct and sponsor your real wants and needs. Sex is a gateway to the soul. A gateway, not an end in itself. Break through and give her what she needs, what you need. True sex-success.