Hollywood insiders familiar with "The biz" know that the TV industry is currently knee-deep in pilot season. Every year, hundreds of pilot scripts jockey for a coveted position on a network's primetime lineup, but most unfortunately never see the light of day. One such script, was the highly lauded pilot...

The Missing Emerald Elephant
Five brothers were apprehended in the palace and thrown at the sultan's feet. One of them, the guards asserted, had stolen the prized emerald elephant of Damascus, a precious gift of both monetary and sentimental value to the sultan. Whichever man was deemed guilty of...

Very few people believe in God nowadays, so you can imagine my thrill when I finally got reservations for his new restaurant. The grand re-opening of God's family-friendly rotisserie diner, Holy Smokes, is His newest endeavor and latest foray into the culinary theater. As a human, and thus, one of...

Knock, knock! Hey European Union roomies, ol' Greece here. Sorry to interrupt your studying and everything. Quick announcement: I totally can't pay the rent this month. I was hoping you could be a bro and spot me some bread until I get back on my feet. You know I started...

A Large Castle Soundstage

(Massive Applause as King Artie and the Knights of the Round Orchestra Play an up-tempo Big Band rendition of "Greensleeves")

(HOST enters from the set's drawbridge in a dapper suit of leather jerkin. He takes his monologue position.)

HOST: Thank you. Thank you. Welcome to the...

A few days ago, the Associated Press reported a three year old to be diagnosed with alcoholism, making him thought to be the youngest alcoholic in Britain. How does a child who's usually too busy collecting Pokemon to chug a Corona become an alcoholic? It typically results from...

A few weeks ago, The New York Times ran their tenth annual Year in Ideas issue. It boasted the brilliant innovations and marvelous accomplishments our society achieved in the past year. Subjects included a bulletproof t-shirt, turbine-less wind power, and a guitar that always stays in tune. While...

Dear American,

On behalf of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, I extend our mighty, nuclear capable seasons greetings! While I myself do not ascribe to your decadent primate behaviors of tree decorating and red-bellied fat man worship, I comprehend that this holiday holds significance in your feeble American minds....

I stared pensively at the furry rodent in front of me. His eyes silently betrayed years of sorrow, pain, and a losing battle with narcotics. His shirt looked like it hadn't received a clean press in decades -- the signature letter 'A', once bold and defiant, now faded beyond recognition....

Level 1: The Federal Reserve Bank

What was that racket? Run out of your office into the trading room. You will witness a cut-scene of investment bankers ransacking the building. The ghost of JOHN MAYNARD KEYNES will emerge informing you that that Wall Street has taken the...

This week, Electronic Arts will release Medal of Honor for the Playstation 3 and Xbox 360. The game is a remake of EA's hit World War II first person shooter franchise (think Duck Hunt with Nazis). The premise of this new Medal of Honor is identical: you lead a battalion...

Several days ago, the United States Second Circuit Court of Appeals upheld the right for bars and nightclubs to enact "Ladies Night," a promotional night--usually on a weekly basis--designed to grant women discounted drinks, and occasionally even free entry into the exclusive lounges. Such a landmark civil rights...

In this recession, jobs are harder to find than ever before -- especially in Hollywood. And if you're looking for work in "the Biz," you need to know the right people. Fortunately, you know me, and I've been privy to some hot leads floating around Tinseltown lately. With any luck,...

Waiter: Hi, welcome to Olive Garden. How many parties?

Mother: Two. We're going to order together and engage in a cooperative dialogue.

Waiter: Excellent. Right this way.

Mother and Republican sit at a table. Republican shifts anxiously, pulling on the tablecloth.

Mother: Honey, can you sit still like a big...

The ascension of Alvin Greene, a jobless man plucked out of obscurity and inexplicably hoisted as South Carolina's Democratic nominee for the U.S. Senate, continues to shock reporters and befuddle political pundits nationwide. Some people might balk at his dearth of credentials, lack of any political experience, his...

Dear United States Supreme Court,

I am writing to apply for a position as a Supreme Court justice. I have significant experience in peer mediation and conflict resolution and can be a valuable asset to your bench. As I'm sure you're aware, your court--the Supreme Court--is the final word on...

Hello! Welcome to the new Facebook privacy policy. If you're reading this that means you're interested on how we--the most powerful social networking site on the planet-- distribute your personal information. It also means that you're one Snoopy Steve and all Snoopy Steves are logged and flagged in the Central...