Doug Molitor

He'll bet you $10,000 he wasn't a bully.

Oh, whatsa matter, you too chicken to bet?

Someone take your money, loser?

Hey, stop hitting yourself!

... Yeah, it wasn't a good day for Mitt when the news broke that when he was a high school...

News item: Newt Gingrich had a bandage on his finger after being bitten by a penguin at the St. Louis Zoo.

If you think I'm leaving this one alone, you're crazy.

So herewith are...

DOUG'S DOZEN: 12 NEW DETAILS IN THE "PENGUIN-BITES-NEWT-GINGRICH" STORY

1. Gingrich identified his attacker...

News item: George W. Bush says he doesn't miss being president.

This took me about ten minutes, and only because I'm a slow typist...

Doug's Dozen: 12 Replies to the Easiest Set-up of the Decade

1. It's mutual, dude.

2. And you sure missed while being president --...

I've noticed a lot of arguments on the Internet run aground due to unsound reasoning. This is undoubtedly the result of the recent full moon. In order to combat such irrational thinking, I present this list as a public service...

Doug's Dozen: 12 Logical Fallacies Defined!

1. Reductio ad...

1. Have plastic surgery make me look exactly like Cary Grant. Cause I can already do the voice.

2. Go to Vegas, play $2 blackjack and not really care when I'm down $50 at the end of a weekend.

3. Build a Disneyland in Pasadena, cause Anaheim is just too...

Last year, Rick Santorum sent out a Hanukkah card with this quote from the New Testament:

"I am the light of the world. He who follows me will not walk in darkness but will have the light of life." (John 8:13)

Now you might wonder just how many Jewish...

Newt Gingrich won South Carolina, and now Mitt Romney has won Florida.

But for those of us outside those states, who haven't seen hours of informative Super-PAC ads that dispassionately analyze the policies of our would-be standard bearers... how are we to make up our minds?

Some of the differences...

The infamous photo...

1. "Oh, don't worry about getting polish on my silk sock. I like firing people."

2. "Maybe I did say brown polish. But that was minutes ago. Now I want black."

3. "By the way, better untie Rover from the fuselage."

4. "Don't expect...

Let me get this straight.

This year, the Tournament of Roses Parade was not held on New Year's Day, because it fell on a Sunday, and Pasadena is one of the few towns in godless California where people still gather and worship.

So you had an ENTIRE DAY to sober...

News item: Cheetah, Primate Actor from 'Tarzan' Films, Dies

The chimpanzee, who was about 80 at his time of death, appeared in the early 1930s installments of the famous franchise.

This year, I've had a hard time getting into the holiday mood. Between violent clashes at Wal-Mart and on Wall Street, unrest abroad, and the nastiest crop of American politicians in recent memory, I think we need to update the ol' Christmas catalog. So here's

DOUG'S DOZEN: 12 CHRISTMAS...

Republicans... just admit it.

You cry every time you see that damn film.

And why shouldn't you?

The most heroic guy in town -- a true Ayn Rand colossus -- is brought low and defeated by a starry-eyed socialist who pretends to be a businessman but wouldn't know how...

Fox News's Megyn Kelly thinks cops pepper-spraying unresisting prisoners isn't so bad, because after all, it's "a food product, essentially."

My advice to Megyn would be first, to spell her name with a normal vowel. Megyn Price gets a pass because she's funny, humane, and sexy. Megyn Kelly...

What is it with the press and their obsession with remembering stuff from less than a decade ago?

If Newt Gingrich rented himself out to help Freddie Mac market junk mortgages to people whose income didn't justify it... how is that his fault? That's what consultants do. Hey, he...

How does Herman Cain remain atop the Republican field in poll after poll?

The answer has to be...charm.

And by that, I mean an extremely lucky charm in his pocket.

Or maybe the lucky charm is in Barack Obama's pocket, since Cain is the Democrats' dream opponent. Except that...

Well, that's how Reuters spelled it. Or it could be one Gadafi (the Guardian), Quaddafi (CBS), Qaddafi (WaPo, NY Times), Qadafi (Malaysian Sun), Gadhafi (CNN, Wall Street Journal), Kadafi (LA Times), or Kadhafi (Agence France Presse).

We'll never get it out of him now.

But to me, he'll always...

Oh, there are a lot of reasons. In fact, there were over 24 before she washed her hands.

She got nervous because she couldn't see Russia from the District of Columbia.

Also, she was worried about the cocaine cartel there.

Nor was the District of Colombian coffee all it was...

It came at the end of a summer with too many superhero movies and too many Republicans debating each other.

Ron Paul, Michele Bachmann, Rick Santorum and Rick Perry fought valiantly for the honor of dragging the Republican Party the furthest back in time. Like some dire Syfy MOW...

Refuse to raise the debt ceiling? Worried that the president is an illegal alien? Like to pepper their speeches with gun talk?

No, that's both of them.

Well, how about that nails-on-the-chalkboard voice, the bumper-sticker speeches, the hunt-the-poor vision for America's future?

Nope. Still could be either one....

Question for Rupert Murdoch: Why do you need to gather so much intelligence, when what you disseminate is ignorance?

While that question may come up this week, I think it will be overwhelmed by more mundane concerns such as invasion of privacy, bribery and other corrupt practices.

Tuesday,July...