THE BLOG
08/04/2015 05:03 pm ET | Updated Aug 03, 2016

Doug's Dozen: 12 Slogans for Starbucks CEO if He Runs for President

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I'm ready to make this happen, with...

Doug's Dozen: 12 Slogans for Starbucks CEO if He Runs for President

1. "Worth more than a Hil of beans."

2. "Not just serving the 2%."

3. "It's morning rush in America."

4. "Champion of the pour."

5. "Don't make the pie bigger, make the tables smaller."

6. "If you think my coffee is bitter, try Hillary when I get the nomination."

7. "Wake up, America - Jeb's speech is over."

8. "Unlike Trump, I'll never give you grounds for divorce."

9. "I'm not Scott Walker - I don't make a dime from Kochs."

10. "Blacker and hotter than Ben Carson."

11. "Write in my name - and try to spell it right, OK?"

12. "If you don't vote for me, I don't give a crap. If you don't drink my coffee, you won't give a crap."

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Read Doug's comic novel, Memoirs of a Time Traveler,