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12 Things That Make Boehner Cry (Doug's Dozen VIDEO)

12/14/2010 05:10 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

He cries in TV interviews, he cries on the floor of the House of Representatives, he cries at the RNC. And he laughs all the way to the bank.

Why does talking about kids make incoming House Speaker John Boehner so weepy? Well, maybe because he's about to screw over a whole generation of them. I know that would get me a bit misty. Still, I'd have to hydrate for most of the day to run the kind of irrigation Boehner does in every damn speech.

But the Boehn-man is more than a mere human. You or I haven't got the sheer gall to pass out tobacco lobby checks on the floor of the House and still say the word "integrity" a hundred times a day without bursting out laughing.

To his earlier nicknames, John of Orange, the Tanman, Dr. Hell-No, we can now add Tammy Faye Boehner, the Public Waterworks, the Majority Whimper, the Lame Ducts, the Bawlin' Change, and the TearMaster.

I now know how Obama gave up the public option, the middle-class tax cut and prosecutions of Bush/Cheney for torture...Boehner opened up the floodgates, and pretty soon it was, "Okay, okay, John, for God's sake, pull yourself together. You can have the $750 billion! Just stop sniveling!"

But it's not just kids and generational wealth transfers to the rich that get Boehner going. I've got 12 More Things That Make John Boehner Cry.