Huffpost Comedy
The Blog

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Doug Molitor Headshot

Doug's Dozen: 12 Christmas Carols for a Really Bad Year

Posted: Updated:

This year, I've had a hard time getting into the holiday mood. Between violent clashes at Wal-Mart and on Wall Street, unrest abroad, and the nastiest crop of American politicians in recent memory, I think we need to update the ol' Christmas catalog. So here's

DOUG'S DOZEN: 12 CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR A REALLY BAD YEAR

1. WHAT CHRISTMAS

2. DECK 'EM AT MALLS

3. GOD DAMN YE, FAIRY GENTLEMEN (sung by The Bachmanns)

4. SILENCE, NEWT!

5. O COME, YE UNFAITHFUL

6. THE FIRST NO-WELFARE

7. I'LL BE HOMELESS FOR CHRISTMAS

8. HERE COPS COME ASSAULTING US

9. O, HOLY SHIT!

10. WE THREE DEPOSED DICTATORS OF ORIENT ARE

11. HAVE YOURSELF A MONETARY CRISIS

And Ann Coulter's smash hit:

12. ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTIANS, IS JEWS

(No video this time...but if you're in the mood, click on this beloved classic from last week,

...and remember, every time you click Funny, a writer gets his win!)

Special thanks to Dean Stefan!

See more Doug's Dozen lists at www.dougsdozen.com.

And watch Doug's Dozen videos on FunnyOrDie.