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Doug's Dozen: 12 Unfortunate Incidents at Cheetah's Funeral

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News item: Cheetah, Primate Actor from 'Tarzan' Films, Dies

The chimpanzee, who was about 80 at his time of death, appeared in the early 1930s installments of the famous franchise.

...now, I don't want to put down Hollywood or anything, but let's face it, this will be a major showbiz memorial service, and I can't help but foresee some problems...

Doug's Dozen: 12 Unfortunate Incidents at Cheetah's Funeral

1. Clyde the orangutan gets in drunken fight with costar Clint Eastwood.

2. Caesar from Rise of the Planet of the Apes turns eulogy into call for uprising against humans.

3. Gorilla pallbearers decide to throw the coffin around for awhile, see how tough it is.

4. Fan gets too close to Cheetah's grieving widow, she rips off his arm.

5. Newspaper obits accidentally run photo of George W. Bush.

6. Elderly Lassie marks chapel, then looks ashamed.

7. Clarence the Cross-Eyed Lion winds up at wrong funeral luncheon, eats caterer.

8. Greystoke star Christopher Lambert denied entrance to funeral by guard who does not recognize him.

9. Christopher Lambert denied entrance to graveside service by guard who recognizes him from Highander II.

10. Star of War Horse kicks TMZ cameraman through a fence.

11. Vera the Elephant of Larger than Life sits in wrong pew, crushes costar Bill Murray.

12. Forest Lawn's Wee Kirk o' the Heather closed after poop-flinging melee.

See more Doug's Dozen lists at www.dougsdozen.com.

And watch Doug's Dozen videos on FunnyOrDie.