04/14/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

John Edwards' 12 Worst Valentine Gifts

Guys, it's hard enough choosing the right Valentine's gift for the love of your life. Imagine trying to do it without the wife finding out! And then imagine you're a multi-millionaire who was nearly elected Vice President and is now running for President. So you really have to be discreet. Especially after you knock up your beloved while you're out campaigning on your family man image. Well, that was ex-Senator Edwards' dilemma a couple of years ago.

So take heart, guys. No matter how lame the card or the posies or the box of See's you buy is, as long as you're only shopping for one, you're ahead of John Edwards.

In fact, this week's Doug's Dozen is a lesson in what not to do: John Edwards' 12 Worst Valentine Gifts.

Rumor has it he's going to ask Rielle to marry him, as soon as he's divorced. Talk about romantic! I bet they write their own vows. I think they'll pretty much have to, if they don't want to get laughed out of their own wedding.

By the way, wouldn't it be great if Rielle Hunter's middle name was Fortune?


Comedy writer "Big Joe" Kenny has the misfortune of having cancer...and inadequate insurance to cover the costs of his treatment. But he has the good fortune of having hugely talented friends who are rallying to raise money.

A series of benefits at the Comedy and Magic Club in Hermosa Beach will star on various evenings: Sarah Silverman, Garry Shandling, Roseanne Barr, Dana Carvey, Kevin Nealon, David Spade and Howie Mandel. For more information, please go to: