News item: An X-rated video of Johnny Carson having sex with one of his wives is reportedly being shopped to private collectors.
For those of us who are priced out of that market, or else don't have space for this kind of collection, but are still curious about what the late King of Late Night did even later at night, here are...
DOUG'S DOZEN: 12 WEIRDEST THINGS IN JOHNNY CARSON'S SEX TAPE
1. When Doc Severinsen shows off another gaudy testicle-tattoo.
2. How Ed McMahon laughs twice as hard whenever Johnny loses his erection.
3. That ain't his golf club that Johnny is swinging.
4. Turns out Tiny Tim is anything but tiny.
5. Turns out Tiny Tim is anything but tiny (the fifth one is always a rerun)
6. Carnac predicts tape will feature Ryan Seacrest, The West Wing's Allison Janney, and Bill Clinton's favorite activity. (Opens envelope): "Name a DJ, a CJ and a BJ."
7. A sex scene with Conan O'Brien, who doesn't last as long as you hoped he would.
8. Part where unclean yak sits on Joan Embery's face.
9. When Carson's wife complains his sex tapes used to last 90 minutes.
10. When Johnny catches his wife playing Hump the Band
11. When they get divorced at the Slauson Cutoff and she cuts off his Slauson.
12. Whole thing ends with Leno screwing Letterman.
Read Doug's comic novel, Memoirs of a Time Traveler,
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