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Doug's Dozen: 12 Things I'll Do As Soon As I Win That $640 Million in the Lotto

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1. Have plastic surgery make me look exactly like Cary Grant. Cause I can already do the voice.

2. Go to Vegas, play $2 blackjack and not really care when I'm down $50 at the end of a weekend.

3. Build a Disneyland in Pasadena, cause Anaheim is just too far.

4. Track down Dick Cheney's old heart, buy it back and re-install it for him.

5. Immediately have myself frozen so they can thaw me out when they find a cure for hypochondria.

6. Film the last three Star Wars movies myself. And this time, no silly character names.

7. Be smart and put it in a steady annuity that would pay me $640 a year for a million years.

8. Buy a diamond ring for Scarlett Johansson so big that she'd have to work out just to wear it.

9. Finally be able to afford that great burial insurance I keep getting ads for.

10. Buy a $40 million house... with a $600 million wall to keep all you envious poor people out.

11. Invade Liechtenstein. They've been asking for it for years.*

12. Donate it to Romney and the GOP to keep the Bush tax cuts, because I don't want to pay that extra 3.5 percent on my winnings!

(* -- It's possible that I'm thinking of Luxembourg.)

No video this week, but please feel free to revisit these holiday classics.

See more Doug's Dozen lists at www.dougsdozen.com.

And watch Doug's Dozen videos on FunnyOrDie.

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