1. Have plastic surgery make me look exactly like Cary Grant. Cause I can already do the voice.
2. Go to Vegas, play $2 blackjack and not really care when I'm down $50 at the end of a weekend.
3. Build a Disneyland in Pasadena, cause Anaheim is just too far.
4. Track down Dick Cheney's old heart, buy it back and re-install it for him.
5. Immediately have myself frozen so they can thaw me out when they find a cure for hypochondria.
6. Film the last three Star Wars movies myself. And this time, no silly character names.
7. Be smart and put it in a steady annuity that would pay me $640 a year for a million years.
8. Buy a diamond ring for Scarlett Johansson so big that she'd have to work out just to wear it.
9. Finally be able to afford that great burial insurance I keep getting ads for.
10. Buy a $40 million house... with a $600 million wall to keep all you envious poor people out.
11. Invade Liechtenstein. They've been asking for it for years.*
12. Donate it to Romney and the GOP to keep the Bush tax cuts, because I don't want to pay that extra 3.5 percent on my winnings!
(* -- It's possible that I'm thinking of Luxembourg.)
See more Doug's Dozen lists at www.dougsdozen.com.
And watch Doug's Dozen videos on FunnyOrDie.
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