Orrin Hatch's 12 Ways the Poor Can Balance the Budget (VIDEO)

07/12/2011 03:57 pm ET | Updated Sep 11, 2011

Orrin Hatch knows the rich have had enough.

Now, that doesn't mean they've got more than they need. Sure, 400 U.S. families own more than the bottom 150 million Americans. But "enough" is a relative term. What you or I would consider a vast fortune, they would call barely getting by. To ask them to get by with three percent less than what they're used to would be cruel.

And of course, Orrin Hatch certainly doesn't mean to say that the rich are satisfied with what they have. You or I would like to get a raise, and rich people are exactly the same. They, too, want more. The difference, of course, is that what they want, they get. That's Orrin's job.

No, what Orrin means, is that the rich have had enough of us sponging off them. Insisting that the roads and bridges and rails and airports we use be maintained. Demanding crystal-pure water and air, even though we choose to live in some pretty dirty areas. Throwing a tantrum if our kids can't get an education or we can't get First World medical care. Depending on Social Security as if it were some government-sponsored insurance program that we contributed to all our lives to escape grinding poverty when we're old. And forcing the rich - who otherwise would be creating better jobs for us -- to pay as much as 36% of their disposable income in taxes...while we non-rich skate by paying only 31%.

At most!

Because the bottom 50% of society are so lazy and/or unemployable (and really, what's the difference?) that they don't even pay income tax. Sure, they pay a lot more than 36% of their disposable income in other taxes (sales, excise, property), but whose fault is that?

The point is, it's wrong to blame the rich because of our own sloth, stupidity, and poor choice of parents.

So this is why Republican Senator Orrin Hatch of Utah would say, on the floor of the United States Senate with Fourth of July gunpowder still scenting the air, that the rich are overtaxed and the poor have it too easy. That the poor need to sacrifice more.

Orrin's just trying to make sure his kids have chosen the right parent. The one who knows which side his bread is buttered on. And in that same spirit of entrepreneurial brown-nosing, I'd like to chime in and help Senator Hatch.

I therefore offer my modest suggestions as to how we can squeeze a little more out of these worthless sc...uh, coddled masses: Doug's Dozen: Orrin Hatch's 12 Ways the Poor Can Balance the Budget.