Tom Hanks, Sean Penn and Prop. 8

As actors Sean Penn and Tom Hanks have recently demonstrated, emotions are still running very hot when it comes to Proposition 8 and gay marriage. At the Academy Awards, Penn just said that traditional marriage voters should "sit and reflect and anticipate their great shame and the shame in their grandchildren's eyes..." Hanks recently called Mormons who supported Prop. 8 "Un-American" before later apologizing.

Because of circumstances mostly beyond my control, I have never quacked with the vast majority of ducks. As an American who grew up in abject poverty and was homeless a number of times as a child, I got to experience forgotten and shunned parts of our nation in ways most in Washington never will.

As a conservative, I've always tried to give some of the forgotten a louder voice. Sometimes, that voice has offended some of my fellow conservatives. Sometimes liberals. I have honestly never cared. Ironically, one of the gifts of crushing poverty -- if you have the judgment to identify it -- is the freedom to ignore the naysayers and to not worry about pleasing them to move up the corporate or government ladder. When you have literally lived in a car or a refrigerator box, there is very little these people can threaten you with that doesn't make you laugh out loud.

Today, my wife insists I plant myself into the shoes of others way too often and mentally torture myself in the process. I disagree. With empathy comes understanding. With understanding, come solutions.

Because of Prop. 8 in California, "traditional" marriage is continually inserting itself squarely into the national dialog. For many of my fellow conservatives, being gay means choosing an abhorrent or unnatural lifestyle. I strongly disagree.

Thankfully, we live in a country where it's our right to believe or not believe in God and to honor that belief or difference of opinion in our own way. I happen to believe in God. I also happen to believe that God does not favor one religion over another, and that we are all God's children. Straight, gay, black, white, or brown. It does not matter. We are all entitled to the exact same human rights. Rights that must be protected.

My opinion has always been that we are either born gay or straight. We are just hard wired that way. Because of where I've come from, my only criterion in judging people over the years has been, is he or she a good person. That's it.

When I was a low level writer in the Reagan White House, Melissa Etheridge had just put out her first album. I walked past a record store, saw her face on the cover and instantly thought, "Wow. What a beautiful woman."

Years later, after learning she was a lesbian, watching her heroic battle with health issues, and reading about what a dedicated parent and partner she is, I think she is more beautiful than ever and a wonderful role model for all who aspire to lead a productive, meaningful, and loving life. Who cares about her sexual orientation. As a child of God, is she a good person? That's all that should matter. Period.

My years in Washington have also taught me a sadder truth. That being that often times, special interests and ideology are the enemies of honest disagreement and civility. Proposition 8 (the "traditional" marriage initiative that passed in the Golden state by a 52 to 48 percent margin) has clearly reinforced that truth.

As one who believes that real solutions and understanding can only come from the common bond of human dignity, empathy, and a shared respect for diverse opinion, I'm troubled that a vocal minority of activists in favor of gay marriage (some obviously from Hollywood) have chosen to vilify fellow citizens who believe in traditional marriage. With that name-calling in mind, I recently sat down with my lesbian niece and her partner and was told point blank that "these people are not the face of gay america and calmer and more reasoned voices need to come forward to represent our community in this debate."

Agreed. As one who forms my own opinions, I don't need a church or government to tell me who I can love or consider my life-partner. Do I think children would gain more being raised in a "traditional" mother and father household? In theory, yes. There is much to be gained from understanding the male and female perspective. That said, I truly believe that same-sex partners can be just as good or better parents than "traditional" moms and dads. It comes down to the ethics and character of the individual.

I have long thought Tom Hanks is a reasoned and needed voice in Hollywood and the national dialog. On this issue, he shot from the hip, missed and cleared the record.

For me, Sean Penn is anything but a reasoned voice. As one who is married into a wonderful Jewish-Venezuelan family, I've always been disturbed that Penn's uninformed ideology allows him to be used as a propaganda tool by Venezuelan Strongman Hugo Chavez.

The same Chavez that is inciting anti-Semitism across South America, just had his thugs desecrate a Synagogue in Caracas, and whose supporters, as quoted in a Washington Post editorial, want to "publicly challenge every Jew that you find in the street, shopping center or park...and called for a boycott of Jewish-owned businesses and seizures of Jewish owned property." While Penn continues to name-call those in this country who disagree with him, maybe he can take the time to explain his friendship with Hugo Chavez.

In the meantime, the gay marriage debate cries out for civil dialog and understanding. Two conditions that President Obama says are desperately needed across the board in Washington. The same President Obama who is on record against gay marriage.

Comments

[JHCowboy]

I happen to be a long time member of the Mormon Church and I am also gay. I have experienced first hand the bigotry, the shame, the pain and the fear of homosexuality instilled in me by that church and it took me over 20 years of counseling and a lot of work to extricate myself from the self-hate and self-loathing I was taught. I'm proud of Sean Penn and Tom Hanks. These men are men who stand up for freedom and telling the truth. If you believe in a "Traditional Marriage' then live it but nobody (no individual, group or religion) has the right to intervene and amend the constitution regarding me and the person I love. It's pretty simple people and that is why I am praying that the California Supreme Court will strike this unfair and unjust amendment down forever.

[lesbianpride]

Hello people........

This is Doug MacKinnon's niece.....­..........­...the lesbian who sat down with him and expressed to him my feelings & the feelings of a lot of LGBTQ people! No we didn't laugh behind his back or mock him in any way, he listens to what I have to say..........which for some government offical's is a really hard thing to do!!! Now he is using my feelings along with others to help us win this battle we have been fighting for years & will continue to do until we actually win.

He has been the one person in my life that has supported me in everything I do, no one could ever ask for anyone better in there life!!!!!!

We want the same rights as those of straight people & for my uncle to help me get the word out is very helpful!!!

[LMPE]

I've got a better idea: do away with marriage entirely. If two people love each other, can't they form a family without needing official recognition?

[The Ghost]

Hear and see Civic and Community Leaders like State Senator Mark Leno, State Assemblyperson Tom Ammiano and MLK Jr. protege Rev. Dr. Amos Brown protest Prop 8's Passage before the 10,000 assembled on San Francisco's City Hall Steps, the site of Harvey milk's murder @ http://trifecta.tv/prop8/

[indywoman]

This post is all about your hatred of Chavez, which I can certainly understand. I can't speak about Sean Penns association with Chavez, because I am uninformed on the subject. However, I think Sean Penns voice as he expresses it concerning gay rights, is exactly right. I was so proud of him on Oscar night for saying what he did.

One shouldn't tip toe around equal rights. Women certainly didn't achieve equal rights under the law by having "reasoned voices" on the subject. They fought in the street and protested everywhere as visibly as they could. They were arrested and abused, and thats what it took to drive the point home.

The same kind of protest is being held now concerning gay rights. Gay RIGHTS under the law. It shouldn't be a fight, it should be common sense. And people who organize and fund anti gay rights legislation are unAmerican. Their religions should not have tax exempt status when they engage in these acts.

[indywoman]

It is mostly religious groups that are fighting against gay rights. When this happens, it goes against our constitution, and they should lose their tax free status. This country was founded on the principle of freedom from religion. Therefore, religion should have no influence in the making of our laws. It couldn't be clearer, they are breaking the law.

We, as American citizens have the right to practice any religion we want, but we don't have the right to force our religious principles on to other people. So, what the religious conservative right has been doing now for so many years is illegal.

Sean Penn is one of the most pure hearted people I have ever seen. His willingness to be hated by so many to fight for human rights, is very admirable.

[bannorhill]

Cite a law they are breaking?

[FearlessFreep]

The law of decency.

[zlohcuc]

"publicly challenge every Jew that you find in the street, shopping center or park...and called for a boycott of Jewish-owned businesses and seizures of Jewish owned property." While Penn continues to name-call those in this country who disagree with him, maybe he can take the time to explain his friendship with Hugo Chavez.

Forget about Penn and Chavez for a moment- I wonder, does this type of targeting ever happen to gays in many aresa of our OWN country? Watch the early scenes from "MILK" and ask yourself how this type of discrimination continues 40 years later and then ask why?

[JZ735]

Yes, I find it very disingenuous to attack the poster boy for conservative venom, Sean Penn, in addition to their other favorite whipping boy, Chavez.

[clbrown3]

The term "marriage" is just that...a term. While Obama is against gay marriage, he is for full gay rights. I side with the belief that separate but equal is inherently unequal, however, at this point...I'd take full rights and live without the term marriage if that's what it took to achieve full equality.

Traditional marriage is sexist, racist, and homophobic. If we are truly for "traditional marriage," then we are for a bonding contract. We are for families selling off their children through marriage to move up in the world because that's what traditional marriage was...a contract. It was also racist. Blacks and interracial couples did not gain the right to marry "traditionally." The term "traditional marriage" has evolved to a political stance over the past years. Go review the history of marriage and you will see that if we went back to its roots...marriage is quite awful. It's been twisted by the conservative right to maintain a majority right!

Its absurd to think that because someone is gay, they dont deserve to be by their partners bedside when they are dying. Gay people will achieve full rights one day...I just hope that its in my lifetime. I've been with my partner for almost 8 years which is longer than most "traditional marriages." It sickens me to see strangers meet on a TV show to marry and gain full rights while I have to fight tooth and nail to achieve those same rights.

[FearlessFreep]

"While Obama is against gay marriage, he is for full gay rights."

BS! You cannot be for "full" gay rights but against the key gay right of our time. This is an insulting attempt to have it both ways by a president who should clearly know better.

[FearlessFreep]

"That definition is clear and treats every man and every woman equally." Just like the definition that forbade interracial marriage, which used to be the law of most states.

[JohnFromCensornati]

"For many of my fellow conservatives, being gay means choosing an *abhorrent or unnatural* lifestyle. I strongly disagree."
"I'm troubled that a vocal minority of activists in favor of gay marriage (some obviously from Hollywood) have chosen to vilify fellow citizens who believe in traditional marriage."

Why is it that you just stongly disagree with your fellow conservatives who call gay people abominations, deviants, perverts and "sinners", but gay activists engaging in vilification "troubles" you? Why is it that you don't just "strongly disagree" with them as well? Could it be that your god belief forces you to view religious bigotry as somehow more acceptable? I know that I really am not interested in hearing about why I should follow *their* imaginary friend's rules about how *I* should live my life.

"With that name-calling in mind, I recently sat down with my lesbian niece and her partner and was told point blank that "these people are not the face of gay america."

Until today, I was unaware that your "lesbian niece and her partner" were the people who got to choose the "face of gay america". Good to know, although it would have been more helpful if you'd given us some idea of how we could influence their decision.

[clevelandchick]

Yours is by far the most excellent comment/rebuttal to Mr. Mackinnon's piece.

Those who financed and supported Prop 8 did so with vilification in mind. They actively fought to deny rights of individuals...then expect their victims to accept it quietly without calling them out on it. They are actually fighting in court to make their monetary donations to a political campaign private.

The Prop 8-ers don't want to suffer the consequences of their own actions. They still want their gay friends to like them, they still want gay customers to support them financially by patronizing their businesses and they still want to deny those same people equal protection under the law. They want to get away with being moral bullies. Sorry, not having any of it. Sean Penn was right on the money to call them out for the shame they deserve.

Mackinnon's lesbian niece may not have the guts to fight for her own rights or straight friends to stand besider her in that fight, which hardly makes her the face of gay America or qualified to choose who is.

I know well more than just one or two gay faces....my best friend, my husband's business parther, my neighbors, dozens of friends....and they do appreciate Sean Penn's words on Oscar night. And after being vilified by moralilty bullies such as the Prop 8'ers their whole lives, they hardly have any sympathy for them. Nor should they.

[JimR]

Your post is very disturbing. This attitude only succeeds in convincing more people that gays are people to be feared. It does nothing but hurt the cause.

[pangursperson]

Excellent rebuttal.

[FearlessFreep]

"That is the current law!" Not for long.

[Cacaoatl]

Why Proposition (h)8 is unconstitutional: "No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws." Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution, Article One

'Nuff Said.

[bannorhill]

So Fundamental Mormons should be allowed to have 56 year old men to marry 6 or 8 fourteen year old girls and exercise their equal protection rights?

[antaeus]

In the words of Lisa Simpson, "Yes, I'm gonna marry a carrot."

[jukesgrrl]

I don't think that gay people should be married. I don't think straight people should be married either. I am in favor of abolishing your marriage, because I "reason" that if you have made a commitment in your heart to your wife, you shouldn't need a piece of paper from the state to honor your commitment to her.

How does that make you feel??

[rektruax]

I'm happily married... But I agree with you 100 percent. My commitment and love for my wife was not strengthened by any degree after we decided to let da gubment recognize our relationship, but it did provide us an easier (and better) April 15th. It also helps in the decision making regarding our kids.

Still, you are correct... Most people of the world have a real problem with letting go of quaint traditions. Especially the ones involving the imaginary friend. But, as long as it's here, all citizens should be allowed to to engage in a govt. contract with whomever they choose.

This is a religious issue plain and simple. Our fore-fathers had the good sense to kick that nonsense out of our lawmaking process more than 200 years ago. But there it is...

[johnfoirdfw]

Well, this is a lovely essay and I appreciate your kindness, wisdom and tolerance. However, I have a hard time "understanding" and feeling like "civil dialogue" when someone tells me that I am somehow less than them, not as good, an aberation. Kinda sticks in my craw..

[raker]

Thanks for acknowledging that gay people are human too, and that liberals can be very nice - except when they reject religious influence on public policy and demand equal rights under the law. It appears that you're suggesting we'd all get along better if gays and liberals would think twice about public policy matters, and then not say anything. Computer says no.

Same-sex marriage is a matter of civil rights and equality under the law, Venezuela notwithstanding. The mormons put a lot of money and energy into taking that right away, It was inhuman and immoral. It's a shame that Tom Hanks apologized. Mormons would probably find it inhuman and immoral if their rights as mormons were voted away in a referendum. It could happen. Apparently every right of every individual in California is subject to the whims of the mob, so watch out or someone could drop a house on you too.

There should be no compromising on equality for all Americans. Don't expect civility from people you treat with patronizing scorn.

[rcdcr]

And that goes TRIPLE for me!

Very well said, raker.

Now be a nice little gay boy or girl, and maybe next time they will give us out rights back.

Is this not the biggest load of crap?

[pangursperson]

Maybe not the biggest, but pretty close to it ;-)

[carter2004]

Relentlessly sane. I would only disagree to the extent that you are confusing vitriol with strong convictions, as many in this debate tend to do. Calling someone a bigot is one thing, but pointing out that the call for "traditional marriage" is most likely unconstitutional or blatantly unfair is not.

Rhetoric about "cooler heads" notwithstanding, it is very hard for LGBT people to be told that they are not worthy of the same fundamental rights as everybody else. If that doesn't get you pissed off, nothing will.

[JZ735]

Rhetoric about "cooler heads" notwithstanding, it is very hard for LGBT people to be told that they are not worthy of the same fundamental rights as everybody else. If that doesn't get you pissed off, nothing will...

As a gay man, I haven't been a big fan of gay marriage. For myself...but I am all for my friends who have wanted to be able to legally tie the knot, from my oldest sister to my niece, to lesbians I know at my church, to some guys who live down the way from me.

I agree with those here that not enjoying a fundamental right is a problem. I just don't have a particularly great impression of the institution of marriage, seeing it as more of a trap and a burden and a hindrance to true love between a couple. Being in my early 50s, many gays and lesbians my age wanted to have little to do with the traditional, stultifying institutions, whether it was organized religion or marriage itself, that seemed to enslave our parents or siblings.

[KeysE2S]

If Church and State were truly separate, we wouldn't be having this debate. There is no language present in the US Constitution that could be used to support discrimination against same-sex partners.
But because a certain brand of Christianity is insecure by nature, it seeks the government's stamp of approval. So the issue becomes muddled.
Also, if we've got Mr. Penn on one "extreme" (I really don't think what he had to say was all that scathing), then you've got the Reverend Fred Phelps on the other.
And you can't look at this particular debate in a vacuum. The history of discrimination against GLBT people in the country has to be taken into account. Can you name any famous instances of "straight-bashing"? What is the hetero equivalent of the Harvey Milk story?
Homophobia is a very unique form of bigotry. Dave Chappel's humorous example aside, no member of the KKK is black. But if we take, say, Pastor Ted Haggart as an example, clearly there are a percent of folks whose "hatred" of GLBT folks is second only to...wel...their lust for the same. By defining homo-sex as "abhorrent" and "dirty", homophobes give themselves permission to raise it to a fetish level when they engage in it. They don't want to see same-sex partnering as an expression of something natural, because that ruins the fantasy of being "contrary to right order".
These folks aren't going to come around. They have no reason to.