I'm a dreamer. And much like my fascination for Mr. T causes me to repeatedly dream I'm his sidekick in "A-Team" episodes, I've always dreamed of being a mascot.
To be large, fluffy, and with a permanent expression no matter what the situation - cool under pressure akin to Chuck Norris even when surrounded by a troupe of Lithuanian assassins with eye patches.
Indeed, aside from a federal holiday for Burt Reynolds' birthday -- it just doesn't get much better.
Despite this mascot fascination, the Mustached American community has some mild concerns about the premier mascot showcase -- the Capital One Mascot Championship -- concerns that are being discussed with willing, open-minded officials at the highest levels of Capital One, as well as with the United Coalition of College Mascots.
While this year's Capital One All-America Mascot Team is broader than ever and ranges from the glitz of UCLA's Joe Bruin to the mononymous Monte of the University of Montana, just two of the 16-mascot-team have mustaches: the University of Idaho's Joe Vandal and the University of Texas El Paso's Paydirt Pete. That's only 12.5 percent.
So as the mascot team competes throughout the college football season to be named the Capital One National Mascot of the Year at the Capital One Bowl on Jan. 1, winning $15,000 for their university mascot scholarship program - it will serve as a reminder of 1988, when mustache penetration in America was at an all-time low (ironically also about 12 percent).
But we will indeed encourage voting each week, supporting the candidacies of Idaho's Mr. Vandal and UTEP's Mr. Pete, as well as encouraging write-ins for the likes of New Mexico State's Pistol Pete, Virginia's Cavalier, Wyoming's Cowboy Joe, and of course, Three Rivers Community College's Rocky Raider.
Can a Mustached American win the Capital One National Mascot of the Year? I can only dream.