How to Be A Modern Goddess...According to a Guy

One question arises whenever I pronounce the distinctly un-pithy title of my book for women - 'The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Embracing Your Inner Goddess and Finding the Fulfillment You Deserve':

"What qualifies you to write this book?"

Well, nothing really. See, I actually don't want you to just listen to me and accept everything I say - the whole point of the exercise is to figure out stuff for yourself. I present ideas for you to test. If the principles work for you, use them. If not, toss them and use something else. This is the 'be your own damn guru' principle.

Moreover, you may have noticed that I'm a guy. I'm generally pleased with that situation, intermittent requests to die for my country notwithstanding. However, it poses handicaps when attempting to gain deep insight into the feminine psyche.

That's why I borrow the brains of remarkable women like Marianne Williamson to aid me in the task. She wrote this great book called 'A Woman's Worth' that everybody should read, guys included.

I've also caught glimpses of the goddess and know what she looks like. The Taoist principle at work here says that you can't see a mountain if you're standing on it. You, the goddess, are standing upon the mountain of goddesshood. I, the pilgrim, am looking at you awestruck from the foothills. This means that often I can see and appreciate you better than you can yourself.

Now I know what you're thinking: "Who, me, goddess? I am not pretty enough - it's the pretty ones who have that kind of power." Or, if you're pretty: "Well, I'm pretty, but there's always someone younger, prettier, with smoother skin and a nicer butt." Or: I am not smart enough. Or: I'm too smart. I'm too young and inexperienced. I'm too old.

All the internal chatter is self-contradictory nonsense anyway, so let's just stop it all right now. That brings us to the first Goddess Principle

1) The Goddess exists now and only now. Get rid of all the excuses. You are what you've been waiting for. Claim the power and be it.

Eastern traditions like Hinduism and Tantric Buddhism hold that we are all incarnations of the divine. So the goddess already lives within you - it's just a matter of acknowledging that presence and revealing it. I love this line from 'A Woman's Worth':

'That's all that separates the queens from the slavegirls: a shift in consciousness from denial to acceptance of personal power.'

Now I don't know how you define 'goddess' for yourself. Maybe it means being the embodiment of compassion, grace, beauty, sensuality, kindness, wisdom, or joy.

However you define the term, there is no physical barrier keeping you from expressing those qualities right now - like 7-11, goddess-hood is available to you 24/7. You merely have to choose to express it. That is the second principle:

2) The goddess is service. Service is at once the exercise of her power and the flourishing of it. The more of it you do, the more you grow into your goddess power.

The power of the goddess is the power to elevate those around her -- with something as simple as a word of encouragement, a warm hand on the shoulder, or a look of appreciation. That kind of service is its own reward.

When I think of examples of the goddess, names like Marie Curie, Florence Nightingale and Oprah Winfrey come to mind. Nobody says they're perfect, but they are perfect in giving their particular gift fully. That motivates the third principle:

3) The goddess serves by giving her gift. Therefore she specializes in the giving of her particular love-infused gift.

Athena, Diana, Aphrodite, Inanna, Guan-Yin -- all are goddesses from different traditions, each with particular attributes: wisdom, love, fertility, compassion, and the all-important bowhunting skills.

Service is not the same as servitude, and you need not be all things to all people, so stick with your strengths. The part about compassion, service and love are never optional, so make sure you have those down. Then specialize: pick some aspect of the goddess that you're already good at and be exceptionally good at it.

Once again, Marianne Williamson expresses this more eloquently than I ever could:

[The world] will change when every woman gets it that we are all beautiful, powerful and strong. That we deserve love and approval and support. That we would all be glorious if we could only spread our wings. That we are, each one of us, a portion of a great and mighty Goddess self. ('A Woman's Worth,' p32-33)

4) The goddess embodies both feminine and masculine energy, but majors in feminine and minors in masculine in her intimate relations with men.

If you're interested in being appealing to men, here's a little secret: we guys like you because you're women! It's an amazing, beautiful thing. We like strength and confidence, too, but more as the spice rather than the main dish (hint: most straight guys aren't not looking for a guy facsimile in a companion).

It's a challenge, especially with all the masculine energy necessary for success in the modern world. Yet it's well worth your while to practice leaving the directive yang energy at work and to bring more of the receptive yin energy to your hearth.

That's a topic for a whole other article. In the meantime, embody those wondrous feminine qualities of softness, grace and receptivity, and we men are putty, I tell you.

5) The goddess leads with love. She does not wait for the world to arrange its circumstances to be just so for her to give her gift.

The first two Goddess Principles established that your gift is ever-present. So what are you waiting for - give it already!

Oh, I see. You're waiting to give your gift to someone who's *worthy*. See, but this is not about commerce or quid pro quo here. This is about you being the ever-shining sun - not because it's a good idea, but rather because it's your nature. This is about your heart being open all the time. The openness and radiance are their own reward. And, as a pleasant side-benefit, the good men will notice and flock to you in droves (if that's what you want).

So practice opening your heart right now. Imagine your child, niece or nephew and the barrierless love you feel for them as they run up to you to give you a flower. How open is your heart now? How ready are you to embrace that child? Does it feel good?

Then why not practice the openness all the time. And if you're single, that open, loving version of you is the one you want on display, since it's the most likely version to capture the attention of Mr Right when he saunters along.

In a recent seminar, I elaborated on these concepts. Click here to listen to an excerpt and download the full hourlong version of the 'How to Be A Modern Goddess' teleseminar. I hope you find it useful and uplifting.

Comments

[research]

Cinderella complex.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinderella_complex

[elsie900]

Erm... thank you for posting, sir, and I'm glad you approve of us women and all, but I respectfully don't think this article is going to make me go out and buy your book.

I'm sorry, really. Please don't hit me.

[liviapeacock]

Please, this is so over done. Not every woman is a "goddess", and not every fire fighter/police officer/soldier is a "hero".

These titles have become watered down and meaningless as ordinary people try to convince themselves they are actually extraordinary.

Note to population: Hollywood makes romance up and we have all been fed a steady diet of fantasy which we now expect to come true.

[ohjodi]

Oh, WHATEVER.

[ariadne1959]

At the risk of sounding unladylike, here’s a tidbit on how to become a modern god…according to a gal: keep your limited and ill defined notions of the divine ‘feminine’ to yourself. Better yet, do your female audience a favor by redirecting your opinions on the rarely mentioned subject of creating evolved definitions of masculinity. You mentioned that as a ‘guy’ you’re generally pleased with that situation. I would rethink that position if I were you and take a good look at the atrocities your male gender has committed against women worldwide throughout recorded history; all in the name of ‘masculinity’. Women have embodied the compassionate attributes mentioned in your article throughout the ages without any reciprocal positive affect upon the evolvement of the human species. Until you boys can figure out a way to define yourselves without putting women and children in extreme detriment, then we can talk.

[yappnmutt]

why so complicated? girls have it. guys want it. once a girl figures that out they can be any fictional or nonfiction character they want because ultimately they control the path, not only of their domain, but of the world.

[propitiousmoment]

I've got an idea! How about if we all quit demanding from each other that we be more or less than we actually are. How about if we let each other be our true selves. What a connection that fosters. A truly loving, grownup, lasting relationship has to be based on honesty, truth, and authenticity. Don't tell me not to be strong. Don't tell me not to be vulnerable. Don't tell me to be or not to be anything. If what I can honestly give you does not meet your needs, or if what you need is to diminish me, then obviously it was not meant to be. How can you expect to build a lasting relationship on the sands of something one or both of us is not? How can you expect that the parts of me you want me to suppress for the sake of being with you will not intrude whether you want them to or not? This writer's whole premise is the old stuff-your­-woman-in-­a-box-beca­use-you're­-too-insec­ure-to-han­dle-a-real­-relations­hip scam. Too many women have fallen for that through the ages, and lived greatly diminished lives as a result. Real men can handle a real woman. And a real woman will give a real man infinitely more satisfaction than the pretend person you try to create by forcing her into your preconceived mold.

[peccadillo]

The world's shortest how-to manual on how to be a goddess to a man, by Dr. Tammy:

Stand by your man
Give him two arms to cling to
And something warm to come to
When nights are cold and lonely
Stand by your man
And tell the world you love him
Keep giving all the love you can
Stand by your man

Put that into practice, and YOU can start writing how to books based on your success.

[dianadavies]

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

[krisgarfield]

I just got cramps.

[brooklynbetty]

Gimme a break.

[krisgarfield]

Oh Golly...A breadwinner at the office...a cook in the kitchen...a lady in the living room...a w.h.o.r.e in the bedroom.

I guess I'll go shave my legs now...or my inner goddess won't be complete.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFT!

[dianadavies]

More male nonsense that will make scores of average women feel lousy about themselves. This is a typical male fantasy. No thanks.

[Shewolf68]

"We like strength and confidence," admits Benzar, "but more as the spice rather than the main dish."

Sounds like he likes it, so long as it doesn't interfere with HIS sense of his own self and masculinity. But thanks for that "all Women are Goddesses BS. Why is it that Women NEVER concern themselves with whether or not they are Goddesses? Isn't this once again, another "Ideal" propagated once again by mens fantasies of women and how they should present themselves, behave, dress, seduce men, have sex..whatever?

Thanks again Doc...once again putting Women in another box...this time it is your box.

[timezone]

Goooo, Shewolf!

[zola77]

great comment.

[hollyglightly123]

You lost me at #4, the rest was good. I say this because we all have archetypal patterns. Some of us are earth mother, very maternal, loving and all feminine yin energy. Others are more warriors, Athena-like. I personally have a lot of yang/masculine energy. I am trying to release more of the yin because I think I've hidden/protected it. But I think that even if I were to release all of my yin, I'd still probably be outweighed by the yang. So for us, to change who we are so that "the guys go putty"... not really good advice. I need a man who's strong enough to handle my energy, whether I'm in a yin or yang moment.

[anelder]

Understood - add to your thought process that we all need to feel needed. Too much yang on eithr side would eliminate that very human need. So Yang you may need that strong enough to handle man but please let him feel there is a part of you that needs him.

[edgeofchaos]

It's a rule of life. We get what we give. But give smart.

"Service is not the same as servitude, and you need not be all things to all people, so stick with your strengths.­..speciali­ze: pick some aspect of the goddess that you're already good at and be exceptionally good at it."

Excellent.

Then pick the right recipients. People who exercise service in return. Do not try to change anyone. Do not try to teach. Do not try to please those who see faults in you, rather than appreciate your strengths.

Otherwise, you will be sucked dry.

[fleaba]

Honey, if the goddess ever had an emissary to teach women how to become goddesses...it wouldn't be a man.

[timezone]

Amen, flea

[krisgarfield]

WAY TO GO!!!

[elsie900]

This reply wins the Internet.