Why the Mullahs are Un-Iranian: 7 Fatal Flaws

For all of us who have been observing and supporting the Iranian protests from afar, there are two useful things we can do: send the protesters our encouragement, and spread useful information.

So in the spirit of educating my fellow Americans and other non-Iranians, I thought I'd give you a primer on why most Iranians dislike the ruling mullahs. It's because the mullahs are missing some essential elements of being Iranian:

1. Iranians have style. If you have any Iranian friends, you may have noticed that they're quite fashion-conscious. Sometimes they may take the labels, gel and sequins to excess, but you can't deny that looking good matters to them. And the traditional provincial costumes are all lively, colorful and elegant.

Contrast this with the shabbily-clad mullahs in their turbans, threadbare robes and pseudo-pious megabeards. As a kid in Iran, I couldn't believe these slobs represented us and that all these sophisticated, educated European dignitaries would shake hands with them on TV. What was the world coming to?

It's almost as if the mullahs and their followers take pride in their slovenliness. It even reflected in the clumsy way they rigged the election numbers: "Everyone voted against the opposition candidate -- even his own family. Yeah." And you know what? That has zero style and ain't very Iranian. In fact, a Persian term of derision for mullahs and their fans is 'rishoo' - bearded people. And we are so through with rishoos.

2. Iranians are neighborly. Hospitality is one of the central tenets of Iranian culture. If you've ever been a guest at a Persian home where the host stuffed you with food beyond your burst capacity, you know what I'm talking about.

In Iran, a guest is considered a gift from heaven, and stories of locals fighting over foreign travelers for the right to house and feed them are legion. And during the current unrest, private homes have opened their doors to take in the wounded, keeping them out of hospitals (where the authorities routinely arrest them).

So by the rubric of Persian hospitality, drive-by beatings of unarmed people on the street with electric batons, shooting at them indiscriminately, and arresting them in hospitals -- as the mullah's goons have done -- are not very neighborly acts. So I'm calling them un-Iranian.

3. Iranians are fun-loving people. If you have any Iranian friends, you know what I'm talking about: we like a good party. We may be second only to Brazilians in our fondness for a raucous good time. And our parties tend to be vast, excessive and, uh, spirited.

Outsiders may think that as a Muslim nation, Iranians don't like to drink alcohol. But you would be mistaken, dear outsider: the love of mey (wine) and aragh (booze) is a cornerstone of Iranian-ness and enshrined in immortal Persian poems, religious edicts be damned.

So the whole idea of Iranians needing to hide their parties for 30 years and live in a perpetual tremble lest the authorities barge in and find their stash of moonshine and consequently ship them off to jail untried is pretty intolerable. And the mullah-imposed austerity of no short sleeves, no party music and no socialization between the sexes is a load of un-Iranian bullshit. If there's one thing that's going to foment revolution eventually, this is it.

4. Iranians are god-fearing folk. From over 2500 years go, beginning with the Zoroastrians and Mithraists, the Persian people have believed in a (mostly) benevolent higher power. The name may have changed from Ahura Mazda to Allah, but the concept is the same: said power is fond of good deeds and less fond of mean ones. Since then, Persians have adjusted their behavior accordingly to stay on Higher Power's good side, just in case.

Therefore I state without further proof that mullahs who think it's okay to shoot indiscriminately at innocent unarmed civilians are not god-fearing. The only thing they fear is the loss of their own entrenched, illicit power, and they have demonstrated their willingness to resort to any number of ungodly acts to preserve that power. They are therefore godless and un-Iranian.

5. Iranians are largely secular folk. So I just said Iranians are god-fearing. And there was this popular Islamic revolution thirty years ago. But you know what? For the vast majority of Iranians, religion is not the centerpiece of life.

Yes, there are super-religious pockets here and there, especially in the provinces (think blue states and red states). But for most of the city folk, especially the under-30 population comprising 70% of the headcount, life is about getting by. Like most other places on earth.

So the whole idea of the corner mullah being in charge of your whole life -- the guy whose job it was to show up for circumcisions, weddings and funerals and sing an occasional off-tune dirge for the Prophet's grandson Emam Hossein -- is inimical to the Iranian spirit. And frankly ridiculous. Theocracy is as Iranian as sachertorte.

6. Iranians are tolerant folk. In 539 BC, Cyrus the Great, King of Persia, created what amounts to the first universal declaration of human rights. The Cyrus Cylinder, on display at the British Museum, enshrined freedom and religious tolerance as the law of the land.

The live-and-let-live ethos has been an overarching feature of Iranian culture since then. The mullahs' hard-line theocracy, religious intolerance, suppression of free speech and general bullying flies right in the face of this ethos, and is thus categorically un-Iranian.

And finally...

7. Iranians revere their Iranian heritage & culture. If you ask an average Iranian what makes her Iranian, she will most likely launch into a long-winded story involving the poets, kings, philosophers, and scientists of Iran and her kinship with all of them going back to 539 BC.

She will also talk about how the country was invaded by Alexander the Great, the Muslims, the Mongols, and the scheming British, and prevailed still. As the superb National Geographic article 'Persia: Ancient Soul of Iran' chronicles, all the invaders were eventually expelled or assimilated by the greater Persian culture -- a thread that has carried through unbroken since Zoroaster.

Contrast this with the mullahs who have perennially attempted to supplant Persian words with Arab ones, suppress traditional New Year (No Ruze) celebrations involving bonfire-jumping, and tried to raze Persepolis and all mentions of Iran's 2500-year imperial past.

This, my friend, is not just un-Iranian, but anti-Iranian. And the protesters can no longer tolerate anti-Iranians ruling them. That's why the mullahs' time is about to end. May history prove once again the ascendancy of the Iranian people's will and the triumph of their resilient culture over unjust and unwelcome rulers.

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Comments

[Melody Moezzi - Huffpost Blogger]

LOVE IT!! Merci, merci, merci for explaining all this. And I love how you organized it. Brilliant. Thank you.

[edsheik]

And another fact, how did al those millions of african slaves come here and convert to christianity? how many pre christian pagan religions still exist in europe today?

yazids, zorastrians, christians, jews and mandeans still exist in the middle east. muslims could have killed every last one of them but dident, and all these groups were infact allowed to worship freely, why would they still have their places of worship today?

[edsheik]

to any persians in here and to the author especially, let me ask you guys this. what does your sucess here the knowledge you've aqcuired here on the u.s have to do with iranians in iran? do iranians in ran get more credit for your success then the american schools and universities you were tauhght at? do iranian teachers back home get all the credit for something that mostly american trachers taught you by you simply growing up here?

now why should persians get any credit for ibn sina who grew up with arabs, studies in arabic, was fluent in arabic, and was a devout muslim and not a devout zorastrian? and most of the schollars, and scienteist of the muslim golden age were arab and persians had absolutley nothing to do with it.

[edsheik]

this is the real problem here, persians like the serbs cant accept the fact that they were defteated in battle, they claim it was a suprise attack and invasion by the arabs, they are too ashamed for some reason to admitt they were defteated by a much smaller army, that had less superior weapons then they did. Khalid ibn walid, was argubly the greatest general that ever lived, having defeated 2 empires in a row, persians and byzantines with less soldiers and less superior weaponry. why? because islam united the arabs, before they were a unch of nomands runing around killing each other, getting drunk and doing nothing with themselves. islam weather you like it or not united them and made them powerfull in just a few short years. whats arabs did in a handfull of years the persians did in over a THOUSEND years. you people know this so you try and somehow rewrite islamic history by saying that arabs were better off before islam which is laughable.

[edsheik]

zorastrians dident accept converts that is why they dident force christians or jews to convert, you have to be born zorastrian in order to be one, jews and christians welcomed the arabs after they defteated the persians in the battle of qadessyia because they were people of the book and were proetected under islamic law, under the zorstrians they had no protection., got that? THEY DEFEATED THEM IN A FAIR AND SQAURE BATTLE, it was NOT an INVASION. 15,000 vs 150,000, 10-1 ratio and the arabs still won.

[avicenna]

Persian culture and people are the epitome of the aspect of human nature that caters to the appreciation of what is beautiful about life. As an extension - it is the birth place of the Indo-European languages that makes the most of the use of analogies and flowery poetry - and the place where esoteric thought always has had an edge over the exoteric. This dichotomy is what, I believe, has led to a somewhat clash of ideals between Iranian culture and perspectives and with those who hail from the Middle East (those of Semitic heritage - Arabs and Jews) that take the "word" in a more literal vein. The same conflict is mirrored between the sexes. As Rumi would say - there a million ways to kneel and kiss the ground - another obvious Open Secret.

[mamacat]

There are many Iranians living in Southern California. I am struck by how moral and beautiful the ones I have met are, as well as educated and hard working. Their dislike of the mullahs is pretty much universal

Several hundred years ago, Western societies went through struggles to diminish the power of the Catholic Church in the running of the States. I suspect it is inevitable that Iranians will eventually rid themselves of the domination of the mullahs. They will remain an almost universally muslim country, at least for another hundred years or so, but allowing religious fanatics to run their government and their daily lives just doesn't make any sense. Until these things come to pass, I pray that the right-wing nuts in this country do not succeed in making war with Iran. As the most advanced country in the Middle East, we need to have good relations with the country and the people as soon as possible.

[JScott]

I agree....
But some of the mansions are a little over the top, Persian palaces are aka McMansions.

[tapeatsbill]

He Alex,

Thanks for posting. My background on paper is far from your's. Irish Catholic, Jesuit educated west coast of US kinda guy. I have fallen in love with the people of Iran. Read Jared Cohen's book about his travels in Iran and his stories are totally in line with this post.

Watch Jason Jones from the Dailey Show interviewing regular Iranian folks, doing his shtick and palying football with kids in the park. You can't help but fall in love with these people.

I have seen the Iranians and they are us.

As they say in the south, peace on ya'll.

[mutron]

I have to disagree with number three. All the Iranians I have known here in the US are hardly fun loving people. In fact they seem quite a dour and depressed bunch that do not know how to let loose and have a good time. Having lived in Los Angeles where there is a large Iranian community I have seen it first hand and also my brother is married to an Iranian on the east coast and they are not much fun to be around.

[PhilipB]

I enjoyed your article.

[mergina]

Get religion out of running your lives, and the Muslim world will be a better place. Can you REALLY believe that if there is a god, that THAT almightly all knowing universal being of compassion and light wants you all to live the way you do, wants you to treat each other the way you do?

[eskelet]

pleaae how about a follow up to make the actual connection between arab,specifically the Lebanese schism and the Iranian mullahs. thousands of mullahs were *imported into iran during the safavid rule in order to culturally separate iran from ottom turkey. current regime's apathy towards iranians betrays their origins and deepest desires for the iranian country...

[MissTrish]

Sorry I'm going on so long, but I wanted to make one last point. In my own experience as a native of Los Angeles who has spent my entire life here, I know many Iranians, Syrians, and Egyptians. There is a tension, sometimes very subtle, that exists between Iranians and Arabs from what I have experienced in my many years of conversations with Iranians and Arabs. Because Iranians have a knowledge of their own history that spans over 2500 years, they are fully aware of what the Arabs learned from Persian culture and, from what I've heard and experienced, Iranians in Los Angeles have find Muslim Arabs religious intolerance disgusting and Christian/ Muslim Arab infighting tragic.

Every Saturday and Sunday, I meet up with a fairly large group of people at our local Starbucks. We bring our various newspapers and discuss politics, world affairs, family here and abroad. Inevitably, the Syrians will argue with the Egyptians who will argue with the Lebanese who will argue with the Jordanians and eventually the Israeli immigrants will join in which is when I join the Iranians in diving under one of the patio tables. It's exactly like watching the Serbs, Croats and Bosnians start arguing about whose version of the truth is actually "the truth". It would seem Arabs have more in common with people from the Balkans then Persians.

[Khirad]

Thanks for taking all that time. I have nothing much left to comment on though... ;)

[MissTrish]

Even after the invasion of Persia by the Muslims, Persia was and is still the most religiously tolerant country in the region. The majority if Persians converted to Islam, either by choice or by force, but their history of religious tolerance and the teachings of Shia Islam kept the overwhelming majority of Persians from seeing their fellow Persians who were Zoroastrian, Mithraist, Jewish or Christian as anything other than fellow Persians.

Arabs can rightfully claim that the Renaissance in Europe was only possible because of the books they had left behind while they were occupiers. But the Arabs learned this knowledge of complex mathematics, science, astronomy and architecture only after they invaded the Persian empire. Arabs may have brought the knowledge to Europe as invaders, but they learned the knowledge in Persia as invaders. That's not an insult. That's simply a fact. After more than 200 years of extensive archeological research throughout the region of the Middle East, there has never been anything excavated that is as architecturally sophisticated as the monuments and buildings that post-date the invasion of Persia by the Muslims.

[MissTrish]

Dr. Benzer's first few points highlight the fact that Iranians aren't Arabs. That's not meant to be an insult to Arabs. The simple truth is that Iranians - or Persians - are not Arabs. Scientists who study patterns of human migration using DNA samples can't pinpoint an exact location for the origins of the Persian people, but they seem to have migrated to Persia from the Caucus region of present day Russia thousands of years ago. They brought with them their own distinct culture and identity. Unlike Arabs, Persians were not tribal, so they had a greater unity as a civilization which meant they weren't constantly fighting each other. Because of that, their culture flourished and grew because their society was stable and peaceful.

Again, I am not trying to insinuate that I think Arabs are of a lesser status as Persians. I am of Irish ancestry and my Celtic ancestors were tribal until they united against a common enemy - the English.

Persia, like Mecca before Islam, was a tolerant and cosmopolitan society that had a thriving community of the Jewish diaspora and a Christian community when it was invaded by the Muslims. In fact, Persia was one of only two civilizations where no apostle or disciple of Jesus was ever harmed, the other being India. Because of the already well-established idea of religious tolerance, Christians were allowed to preach the teachings of Jesus without fear of harm. No Christian was martyred in Persia by Zoroastrians or MIthraists.