From Heartbreak To Heart Attack: What You And Your Loved Ones Need To Know

Are you, or those you love, at risk? Who do you know who's living half-heartedly? What about you in the past 48 hours at home, work, and in your community? Are you aware that doing so places you at higher risk of a heart attack? Yes, it's true. Not only that, but heart disease is the leading cause of death for men and women in America. Although we hear more about "the big C," compare heart-related mortality (631,636) to cancer-related deaths (559,888), according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention.

The Link between Heartbreak and Heart Attack. Chronic, half-hearted living is associated with a syndrome called "Vital Exhaustion," which, turns out to be the predecessor to a heart attack. Dr. John Graham, a Canadian import to New Mexico, and clinical professor for the Department of Psychiatry at the University of New Mexico, speaks eloquently on this crucial matter. The precursor to heart attacks carries with it, according to Graham and others, a predictive value from the very first episode. Women, in particular, take note, since our 'numero uno' killer is massive myocardial infarction, or, heart attack. During such an attack, the heart doesn't get the blood it needs, neither the uptake of adequate new oxygen, nor expulsion of carbon dioxide. Which, in laymen's terms, means big, big doo-doo? This potentially deadly syndrome is linked with the following symptoms:

• unusual fatigue
• increased irritability,
• Depression, anxiety, and/or burn-out.

And, check this out. Of 41 cases of patients studied in a merger of two studies:
• "36% had experienced real and threatened loss,
• 21% fear, and
• 36% a death in the family."

Reflecting on the toll of the past year with all the changes in the economy and world issues, it's not a big stretch to imagine the many lives around us matching this profile, and perhaps, in the person staring back at us in the mirror.

The Challenge of Facing Heartbreak. It's crucial to face what's upsetting, and take action to deal with any real or threatened loss. Please note, this is not 'positive thinking hooey,' but, clinically true. The obstacle for doing so, however, is that we not only cover over our feelings of loss, threat, and fear, from others, but we are apt to do so from ourselves. Doing so weakens our chances of recovering much needed vitality and strength to move forward into healthy living.

The Power of Living the Whole-Hearted Life. Many years ago, I began to notice the pattern that Graham describes. Here's how it went: the person, often a woman, would say to me something like this: "My heart's been broken." Frequently men made comments like this: "I don't know why but I just 'can't get it up, literally or figuratively. I don't know what's wrong with me." To get a baseline, often, I'd suggest these individuals get a physical. Usually, there was no physical evidence of a problem. Despite this, many, many of these folks told me: "I just don't feel like myself. Others seem to be happier. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with my life?"

The second population came from cardiologist referrals. Having already experienced cardiac episodes, these folks independently told stories of loss, disappointment, often accompanied with decreasing life energy prior to their illness. None of them had shared this with a professional, believing they could "pull themselves together," privately. In every single case, their healing has come from powerful medicine: facing their heartbreak, and learning the necessary skill set to support their heart's recovery, re-engaging in the greater meaning they discovered through their life threat. It's in our best interest to live fully engaged. Not only do we score higher on happiness indexes, and lower on depression scales, but we exude a joie de vive that's contagious.

A Place to Begin. We do well to consider revising how we think about heartbreak, and take action steps that support where we really are, discovering how we can be increasingly authentic, attending what's underneath any temptation to mask over the truth. Living with 'all our heart,' does not mean pretending that the bad stuff is not there, but finding a way of growing through it, as distinct from unconsciously 'going through it.' Living out the directives of our heart's desire carries a buoying effect. The more we can give ourselves permission to savor what we've got, putting our 'whole heart' into the moment, the better off we are. It's good for our health, and 'heart smart,' as well.

Check List to Determine Where You Are.

1. What real or threatened losses/fears/heartbreaks have you suffered this past year?

Ask yourself what you've done about this? Are you being what I call a 'brave warrior?' Are you giving yourself permission to 'take a load off' and seek help?

2. Have you noticed increased irritability/lower energy lately?

Identify what's draining you. How might you build better boundaries?

3. How well are you sleeping?

Consider unplugging from the T.V., computer/cell phone a good hour before you sleep. Make sure there is no light in your room.

4. How much sexual energy do you have?

 

Comments

[Dr. Judith Rich - Huffpost Blogger]

Dear Cara,

I get as much from reading your exchange with readers as I do reading your posts, which is to say, a LOT! Your communication is not only clear and direct, but it also has a warm and fuzzy quality, like as in, I want to sit down and have a cup of tea with you and let it all go. You exude safety!

Even so, I've come to stir the pot, so what's this "Love Project" you have up your sleeves? Knowing you, it has to be good. Can't wait to hear about it.

Keep up this incredible dance you do. It's so much fun to watch!

All good things to you,
Judith

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks for your kind words, Judith. I must say, our HP readers are just the best. It is a true pleasure and honor to have the exchange. Not one goes by that I don't learn. Heaven knows, there is just so much more to learn. Life is not dull, that's for sure.

Blessings for being the Light that you are. I will surely keep you posted on The Love Project.

Cara

[BlackYowe]

Now I found this very helpful and interesting. No silly New Age stuff in this piece! Thanks Dr. Cara Barker!

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Your response is most appreciated, BlackYowe.

I must admit, I do find myself wondering what it is that was helpful in it. Input is so helpful to me. That said, that you dropped by, and added to the conversation is much appreciated.

Cara

[BlackYowe]

My Dad died in 2005 and I have had some problems coping . I am a little concerned some of the stress and shock has affected my health. It's rather personal I guess and its not something I feel really eager to go into on HuffPost that is why my responce was short. I think for a time I was truly living a half hearted life as you put it. I am doing better but still working my way back to really living. Just know I found your piece very helpful and it reinforced some things I already sort of knew deep down but was not facing.

[Kari Henley - Huffpost Blogger]

HI Cara!
Great post. I would add to your list a study done at Duke that studied patients facing massive heart disease. They found that those who had more than 4 friends were more than twice as likely to survive as those without. This is an incredible statistic that I do not think has adequately been brought to the public. The interesting thing is: these 4 friends did not even have to be a big part of your daily life: they just had to be INSIDE that person, with a steadfast knowing that there were 4 people out there in the world who cared about them.

Increasing social connections is another one to add to the list! It helps ease heartbreak and keeps us grounded.
Have a great week!
kari

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Kari. This is such a lovely addition. It reminds me very much of what Michael Beckwith calls our Beloved Community. The interesting thing is that this is consistant with the most recent research on aging well. Turns out that tops on the list is community. I am so grateful you are part of my circle, my girl.

Love and appreciation your way, Kari,
Cara

[MerhabaAbi]

Hi Cara,

I've made some decisions lately and because of the changes I'll be going through, I have some fear and anxiety. But since the life change is exciting and for the better, I just ascribe listlessness to stress and old fashioned laziness. My wife hasn't expressed any fear in the income drop-off we'll be experiencing very soon yet I sense something different with her. I think I ought to find out just how much "our" decision is scareing or worrying her. Thanks for another fantastic article.

Much love,
little brother

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Dear Little Brother,

First, let me tell you that my love is with you is this new life change. This takes real courage to be intentional about going into places of uncertainty which are unmapless. Good for you. Too often, we avoid the Edge of Change because we forget that we are here to grow. And, so, I say, bravo. As for the listlessness, there does seem to be a 'zone' preceding intentional change, a time of 'letting the field lay fallow.' Not to worry. Just breathe in/breathe out.

What a wonderful thing that you are 'checking out,' what you are noticing that seems different in your wife. It's all too easy to assume we know. Before you speak to her, you might want to write down what you are noticing. Then, ask yourself how these qualities might be an aspect of yourself. This way, you've called back any projections, and she will feel the spacious safety to be heard from heart.

What a gift you are,
Cara

[tapeatsbill]

One breath love......­....the second breath love......­..........­.the third breath gratitude.

So goes my favorite meditation and tonight it goes to you Cara, The Wise Healer.

Bill

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

What a very dear thing to say, Bill. I must say, however, that the truth is I heal nothing. I figure the best I can do is breathe in/breathe out, prepare the atmosphere for what needs to arrive, and be grateful if it is Grace.

Love and gratitude your way,
Cara

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

Wow, this is great. I love the analogy (although as you illustrate not really an analogy)..­.living half heartedly can cause heart issues. It just makes sense. I experienced significant loss over the past couple of months. I tend to feel that I am fairly good at allowing myself the dignity of my process. Upon returning from each funeral I had very low motivation and did not want to do much of anything, and I gave myself full permission to accept that and be with what was present for me. I have spent some focused time processing what's present, although, I do know that this is a process that will of course occur over time.

Thanks for this important heartfelt article.
love,
Jason

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Dear Jason,

It's so good to hear from you. I especially appreciate the effort during this difficult time in your life with multiple losses. What I do know is that your vital force is alive and well. Just take your time, and throw away anybody else's stop watches for you. Everyone's process is unique.

My love and prayers are with you, my friend,
Cara

[TheIndependenceParty]

In caring for clinical patients in the hospital over forty years, I would see families at their loved one's bedside over month, at times. Often I would later have those same family members as patients, usually in a very short period of time afterward, with any number of physical ills, ... including heart attacks, but sometimes cancer, and other issues. Certainly not a "clinical trial" of any sort, ... and they had to go somewhere, ... why not their local hospital, ... where I would encounter them too.

What was clear was the toll that worry, and loss of sleep, love, and affection, ... took not only on my patients, ... but upon their families. Death, ... of adults and children alike, exacerbates that psychological and physical toll.

I've wondered whether recovery from loss, and adjustment to life after loss, restores some or most of our "heartache-based" heart issues, or whether it is cumulative over a lifetime. Each of us is, of course, a "lab rat" for such as this. If we did not care, we would not suffer, ... and live very long, and meaningless lives, I fear!

For my part, I will take the heartache of loss, for all the joy which came before it. But what a tradeoff!

Wonderful post. Thanks!

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

First, Independent Party, I want to thank you profusely for your years and years of service. At the age I am, in my 60's, I do have a clue of what this means to be in the trenches for so much of a life-span. From your comments here, and some time ago when you wrote, I am certain that you have been a great comfort to not only patients and their families who suffer, but to staff as well. Bless you.

I have shared the same questions as you for many years, beginning with the Viet Nam era, when I served, as well as through the death of my only son, who was nearly 19 at the time. I used to tell my husband, a pathologist, that I was certain that upon autopsy, there could be found damage to the heart from heartbreak. It was that real to me.

What I discovered was that on those times our heart is 'cracked open' most profoundly, we have an opportunity to discover genuine warmth, kindness, compassion, not only for others, but, for ourselves. But, as you way, what a price. For me, it has been a worthwhile process, although the losses themselves, are what they are, exacting the toll they do.

All good things, and gratitude as well, your way,
Cara

[DiogenesOfAlaska]

I agree and I don't think there are any excuses. Like, for example, the notion that if you live half-heartedly, at least only one half of your heart could suffer an attack. It just doesn't seem to work that way.

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Great point, Diogenes. I appreciate you joining in the conversation. Hope all is well with you.

Blessings and appreciation,
Cara

[BZ49]

So simple, yet so difficult for so many of us. 'Growing through' a negative experience, rather than 'going through' it. So often we try to tough it out, rather than experiencing the path that leads to personal growth. Interesting to find out that the growing process is tied to better health.

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

With recent research and appreciation of neurobiology, we will, no doubt, be receiving more and more quantifiable evidence that an intention, and action, to awaken more and more, creates the new neuropathways that happen to link up with improved health. Stay tuned to the work at Harvard, for one.

I don't know about you, but I find the requirement to face the 'owie' stuff very challenging. So, I can understand resistence, completely.

Blessings your way,
Cara

[Kevin Keough]

In his novel, "More Die of Heartbreak", Saul Bellow makes perhaps the simplest and profound observation about people moving through life.

"More die of heartbreak than anything else yet there are no mass movements against it or demonstrations in the streets".

Dr. Cara Barker has makes the same point using the language of science armed with facts of medical research.

Question: Will we ever have the courage and good sense to distribute those rubber wrist bracelets to heighten awareness about breast cancer and 101 other diseases----for the greatest killer of all--heartbreak ?

[TheIndependenceParty]

I will stand in line to buy several of those wristbands, ... and would hope they come in a "teal", ... or some comforting color. I will hand them to every mother or father, sister, brother, or friend that has lived life by loving and caring, ... and risking their heart for the sheer opportunity to love and care for others.

In the end, that is what the wristband should say, ... "LOVE", like the sculpture here in Philadelphia. There is no sense of loss, where there was no sense of love.

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Let me know where to get them, please. By the way, did you know that aqua is the color chosen most often by wounded healors. Just a little FYI.

Your timing is really syncronicity. I am in 'the works' of launching something I'm calling "The Love Project." At the end of the day, it all gets down to love, does it not?

Speaking of which, love your way,
Cara

P.S. Those wristbands have me excited! I may be reached at:
[e-mail]

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Kevin, bless you. I shall not only check out the reference you provide, but wear the first wristband. How shall we proceed to create them??????­??????????­??

Your observations are simply a treasure to me, not only professionally, but personally. You might want to read "The IndependentParty" blogger response further down the road, here. You are kindred souls.

All blessings and warmest wishes,
Cara

[Anne Naylor - Huffpost Blogger]

Dear Cara,

What a vital (literally) topic you have picked up here. The amazing changes being demanded of so many necessarily mean the experience of loss. For change to happen, you often have to let go of something in order to make way for the new to come in its place. In my experience, there is sadness involved in this process.

It is too tempting to go into "pathological positivity" and not touch in to the sadness and sense of loss. Although again in my experience, when I do allow myself to be with the feelings of sadness, disappointment, frustration etc, I get to be rewarded with new vitality, even joy. A willingness to re-engage with life at a high level.

Your contribution here is I think really important and valuable. I hope many take note.

With love and appreciation,
Anne

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

I appreciate your Wisdom, insights, and time in responding to this piece, Anne. You are so right, and not alone. It takes a great deal of courage to face the feelings we have that are so uncomfortable. But, the benefit is worth it, and certainly good for our health, good for our heart. You are such a champ at facing squarely what is so!

Much appreciation,
Cara

[TheIndependenceParty]

So true, Anne! I recently spoke with a father who had lost a child as had I, and he said that in an unexpected way, he felt "exhilarated" (his word) in overcoming the grief that followed the loss of his son. Somewhat like mountain climbing, or bungie-jumping perhaps, there is a sense, when you begin to breathe again, that your pulse races at simply feeling alive again. It is the release from feeling that you were literally dying in the aftermath of the life you mourned, ... and that your plunge into the River Styx, to retrieve the one you lost ... and your return to the near shore, was worth the effort. Only then can you go on, ... when you once again feel your heart beat with joy, ... that you know you are alive at all. The "exhilaration" I believe he was describing, is what we call "life".

Our days are marked by many events, small and large. We gravitate out of fear to the positive, but can not avoid the darker moments which will find us. Without proof of any kind, I believe that we harm ourselves most, as Cara describes occurs, when we outwardly pretend all is well, and our spirit knows it is not. How we manage loss and grief makes all the difference, yet there is so little time to learn, and so few good teachers.

Cara, ... and you Anne, you are two. Thanks!

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

My 'cup is full,' IndependentParty. I just read your response to Anne. Oh, how the pieces fall into place. You, as a bereaved parent, are a member in our club to which no one wants membership. All I can say is that your child Spirit, must be smiling at you. What a teacher you are. Your writing, by the way, is stellar. I shall hold you both in my heart.


As for the experience of 'excitement,' I know EXACTLY what you mean. Isn't it amazing how death of who/what we believe we cannot do without, has a way of returning us to real living, if we are willing to 'work the process'?
Cara