Neither are the residents of the Pacific Northwest 'sleepless in Seattle,' nor is insomnia confined to our greater Seattle area, despite the continuing T-shirts with this phrase hawked at Sea-Tac Airport! By now, if you've been following the HuffPost Living Section, you've reviewed most of what's 'out there' on the subject. So, valuing both you and your time, let me 'cut to the chase' on the topic, in an attempt to be useful, rather than redundant.
Dare I say it? What if insomnia is not the issue? Yes, we know sleeplessness is linked with a number of health concerns, not limited to weight gain, tissue inflammation, cardiovascular conditions, maturity onset diabetes, and so on. Louise Hay is not the Lone Ranger when she suggests that too little shut-eye is related to a problem with letting go. The question is, letting go of what?
When top Fortune 500 big-wig, Wilson, came to find the remedy to his trouble with inadequate sleep, his words differed from Elena's, a 54-year-old elementary school principal. Both had tried prescriptions, over-the-counter herbal remedies, and 'counting sheep,' none of which had worked.
When I asked them individually what they believed was the cause of their distress, however, their answer was the same: worry. Although Elena worried she'd have to lay off more staff due to tightening budgets, and Wilson was more concerned about his inability, as he put it "...to get it up anymore when I want to," both experienced a similar frustration of 'swimming against the current.' Fighting life as it is turns out to be a set-up for bigger problems. Not surprisingly, each identified sleeplessness as the enemy. Admittedly, insomnia is a game changer.
Another Strategy. Since nothing else had helped, I suggested we get 'out of the box' and take a leap from a literal to a metaphorical way of understanding this challenge. Blessedly, they 'were game.' I say 'blessedly' because we cannot solve a present dilemma through the same old, worn-out 'eyeglasses.' Both were open to what follows, patient, and got results. I asked them to consider the following 7 suggestions:
1. What if the underlying problem is NOT that you can't fall asleep? Sure, you want and require more sleep. However, what if there were another, greater part of you that is trying to help you symbolically wake up? To their 'huh?' I continued: Outside our Western culture, there are indigenous people who believe that the onset of the spiritual journey often is heralded in by insomnia, especially when the non-sleeper is post-menopausal. The idea being that when you've reached a certain stage where you've handled responsibility to the village compound, then it is time to take up your duty to the soul. While Carl Jung did not emphasize the menopausal aspect, he certainly differentiated our life duties by these two stages.
3. What might your unlived life be; your "Soul duty," that's possibly nudging you to pay attention? Hint: What heart's delight have you been putting off too long?" Elena was waiting to travel to Peru for the past 20 years. Six months ago, her only brother, an athlete, died suddenly of a heart attack. Since then, she had insomnia. Her mortality 'clock' was ticking. Wilson, twice divorced, started seeing a younger woman. Although he was smitten, he was terrified his grown kids would judge him, so he kept his secret life quiet. His heart condition worsened, and blood pressure rose since he was keeping what's important to him walled off from his support.
4. For the next week, notice what drains your energy. What do you need to release in order to honor more of who you'd like to become? To answer this one, notice which tasks, situations and people leave you most depleted. You don't have to change anything, if you don't wish, just notice and record so that you can create more ease in your system when you're ready. Wilson noticed he was particularly fatigued after a family visit, where he kept the conversational ball on a superficial level.
5. On sleepless nights, imagine, as vividly as you can, with all your senses, yourself slowly, slowly, slowly letting go of the circumstances that leave you drained. Pretend that you have been handed pruning shears, and you are 'cutting away' the dead branches on your metaphorical Tree of Life. Enjoy the weight that's lifted, the stillness, the space.
6. Be good to yourself. By allowing yourself to step away from the clamor of the world, out beyond what's deadening, you enter the domain of new life. New seeds sprout best in quiet, un-pressured places. Be kind to you. All new life requires a patient labor and delivery. Some take longer than others, as I was reminded on New Year's Day, when my daughter birthed our grandbaby. There's a time to push, and a time not to push. It's important to know the difference. During the experience, I was reminded of the words:
Follow-up. Well, it took some time for Wilson's doors to open, and get more sleep. First, he needed to prepare himself to meet with his kids and tell the truth, awakening to the fact that it was not their judgment that was keeping him awake, but his own. Both his family and he are adjusting. Elena returned from Peru two weeks ago. She's sleeping "like a baby," and planning her next trip to Africa where she'll be volunteering at an orphanage on her vacation.
7. Take heart. Whatever new life is taking shape and form through the 'birth-pains' of your insomnia, be assured something beautiful is on its way through your life force if you don't push at the wrong time. How do I know? Simple: create a welcoming atmosphere for what is beautiful to your heart and healing will come in amazing ways. Said Frederick Bailes:
"Nothing kills the healing consciousness so easily as the habit of criticism...
Criticism poisons, but love heals."
Recall 'Sleepless in Seattle"? The story began with an ending, in a cemetery. The new chapter begins through a child's willingness to ask for help, when he cannot sleep. No wonder it's a classic. So are you!
I've missed you during my holiday! Let me know: How you are? What would you like to let go of this year? What new life would you most enjoy welcoming into your heart? What would be fun 'just for fun?' Thanks for passing this piece along to your special contacts!
Love,
Cara
P.S. Mama, baby, and grandma are doing beautifully!
Follow Dr. Cara Barker on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DrCaraBarker
As the mayor of Insomniasville, I offer my sincere thanks for your insightful commentary on the subject.
Here in Insomniasville, we labor under the mistaken notion that our fair city is a land of disease and unhappiness. While this may be true for some of our citizens, please be aware there is an entire army of us who have indeed, as you suggest, "let go", and surrendered to our fate. We are the Night Owls, the Midnight Creatives. We keep the world spinning whilst the rest of you are asleep.
Most of us would not trade our hard earned membership in this club for a "normal" sleep existence. We quite literally would not know how to function as we count on those extra hours while the world is still to tend the fires of creation.
We appreciate the work you're doing to make others aware of the truth about our fair city.
God bless,
Dr. Rich
Love,
Cara
So it looks like there's some traffic or trade between your city and the rest of the world, with a perfectly functional currency exchange: soulwork and written words.
We need to pay attention to what is happening: a very lucrative industry has arisen around “insomnia†– one that sort of reminds me of that old “Stepford Wives†movie. Just go to sleep, don’t learn, don’t question, be a good little zombie.
Well, Arianna and Cindi have let the cat out of the bag, and I am very grateful to them for sparking what I hope will be a revolution, an awakening that we need to pay attention to the deeper lessons awaiting us if we stop long enough to be still and listen.
I have taken a more systematic, educational approach to helping people learn how sleep works and investigate what may be contributing to their sleeplessness. We are each unique, so no one answer is going to solve our problem. I respectfully offer a different path – one that empowers women to take charge of their own well being.
Thank you for your wise and insightful post,
Kat Tansey
www.kat-tansey.com
www.InsomniaReliefRecipes.com
Thank you for your generous remarks. It is clear that you are doing fine work in the world, and making a beautiful contribution. One sentence really stand out for me when say: "perhaps sleeplessness is just the soul’s way of waking us up to what we wish we could sleep through." Yes, I do believe, as you do, that we are here on Planet Earth to be far, far more than little zombies marching along, never knowing what it is to be fully alive. Bless you as you help people awaken!
All blessings your way,
Cara
I've missed you during my holiday!
You are always near!
Let me know: How you are?
Radiantly happy!
What would you like to let go of this year?
Last year!
What new life would you most enjoy welcoming into your heart?
The wonder of the unknown .. to enjoy not knowing what will happen next. The goodness of life.
What would be fun 'just for fun?'
dancing on rainbows
Ed
Peace and blessings, and oodles of love,
Cara
Great question! Because it's rarely about the surface issue is it? It's funny, at the beginning of the year, I always struggle with minor nagging injuries. Injuries that come from tension and results orientation. I become more aware every year of the tremendous expectations I put on myself in January, as if by getting it right this month, I can do it the rest of the year. LOL. Of course, in actuality, the journey is the journey and it takes as long as it takes . . .
Great to hear a fellow Jungian. Thanks!
Peace and blessings,
Cara
You always write a blog that "I" need to read. My sleeplessness I've blamed on my new neighbor. It was soo bad upon my return from vacation that I had to take a sick day this week just to catch up on lost sleep. I asked my uncle towards the end of the year, why do I always wake up on a :00 hour? I wondered if it meant something. I'm sure it does, but the accuracy was intriguing to me.
I am learning to pinpoint what drains me and I believe it's my work environment. I love what I do, but the people and the politics stand in the way of what I love. I decided to start the New Year fixing what I can control, even if means moving to another job.
Congratulations on the new grandbaby! What an exciting way to start off the year.
Blessings,
Ebony
With so many thanks your way,
Cara
Thanks,
Ebony
And indeed it is not, for me. I guess I am lucky, in comparison to those authors and readers of this weeks living page. Actually, it is by reading these articles that I realize that I have reason to be grateful for having a sound and long enough good night's sleep.
Well, I do wake up frequently, or sleep lightly, or maybe sleeping a lot proves that I'm not sleeping well enough or whatever. But I lay down and fall asleep without bad dreams. No idea how I got there.
I see you everywhere in the living section and you always have something cool to say. I'm happy for you and your sleepfulness/ Keep being you. You're great.
little brother
Maybe that's the new trend: sleepfulness. It's what comes after mindfulness.
:-)
Cara
May this New Year bring you rest, rich dreams, and waking joys,
Cara
I'm lost. I've spent the last 23 years being Sgt. Mike and Dad. Now, nobody needs me anymore. I feel so isolated. My wife loves me but i don't know why. I've just got to remember that she does and try to get through till tomorrow I guess. Sleep is easy. Just take a couple pills that prescribe don't use alcohol and have a drink. Being awake is a little more difficult.
Thanks for everything,
little brother
I missed you.
little brother
Cara
Hear this: good things are coming your way. You are most definately needed, even if you are inbetween job descriptions and identities. The liminal space, the inbetween place, is always the most challenging. Think of it as winter before the sprouts. All beautiful things need darkness, time, patience, tending. Speaking as only one person, let me say directly that you make a very real difference in my world. So there! I have a hunch that the day will come when you recognize why the discerning love you so very much!
Til then, I'm sending you love, prayers, and every good wish. The awakening is on its way,
Cara
I recall times in my life when I would wake up at exactly 3:13am every single night, and obsess about an unresolved issue with a business partner. I literally could not let it go, nor could I solve it during waking hours.
I was so exhausted that I finally let go.....
I think the insomnia was a way of beating the fight out of me. Eventually, I just got too tired to wrestle anymore, and I gave up the jig.
Love your tips and a very smart blog on our collective sleep theme!
Kari
PS - by the way, my daughter was also born at 3:13am so go figure...
Has anyone told you yet in the last 10 minutes that you are not only loved, but love? I'm telling you this right now: you are adored!
Cara
"
Peace be with you, my friend. You are spreading it like the sunshine,
Cara
Great to see you back - welcome! I love what you offer here. I have some insomniac friends that I shall be passing this on to. The stories you give illustrate where there is a resolution.
I go with the idea that any challenge has the potential of a blessing. So if something is a problem there is a gem hidden within it. So we can go looking for the gems and not focus on the issue.
I really appreciate your angle on the Sleep Challenge 2010!
Best love and blessings,
Anne
Love and blessings your way,
Cara
Wake up calls to more of our loving; healing ourselves from our mis-perceptions; giving generously into our world that cries out for our help.
We are none of us alone. We are One world. What a blessing that is.
Grace to you always, all ways.
Anne
Cara