Think back on the greatest gift you've ever received. What was it? Now, give the gift exchange a 180 degree turn, and remember the favorite gift you've ever given? I'll bet neither gifts were gift cards! For the past month, I've been researching men and women, boys and girls for their favorite gifts, given and received. Interested in what made these gifts special, I dug deeper than the item, and asked for the story behind the choice. The results were fascinating.
Every single person mentioned the importance of personal involvement and connection. You might not think so at first when you hear the selection. For example, Millie, a 73-year-old woman describes the diamond earrings her late husband, Harold, gave her. George, a 47-year-old 'techie,' smiles as he told me that his was a set of golfclubs from his brother. This is not the end of the story, however.
The Secret of Great Gift-Giving.
Turns out that what makes these selections favorites has to do with demonstrating personal relationship. In fact, George does not play golf, unlike his brother Richard. Having lost his job two years ago, Richard had no apparent means of gift-giving. What he did know, however, was that his brother had very fond memories of their dad, who was an avid golfer. So, Richard took out the golf clubs his father left him when he died five years earlier, and gave them to George, who told me:
I've never been more moved by a gift, ever. Imagine, my brother giving me his prize possession, and now he has no means of playing. Years ago, we had a rift going on, you know, the stupid sibling rivalry sort of B.S., but we realized we were wasting precious time when Dad died. I've got the best brother in the world. I can never repay him.
Then there's Millie. You might think the choice of diamond earrings is superficial. Maybe. You decide. The background story is that Harold's parents escaped from Europe during the Holocaust with his maternal grandmother, Sadie. The only material possession she had was a simple pair of small diamond earrings that she was given by her employer, for whom Sadie was a housekeeper for many years. When Hitler came to power, this employer gave Harold's grandmother the earrings, telling Sadie she must leave the country while she could. Perhaps the earrings could provide passageway. When Harold's company folded last year, and he lost his healthcare insurance, subsequently diagnosed with colon cancer, he entrusted Millie with Sadie's earrings and the story, as he lay dying. Through them, he told her, "I will be with you forever, my darling."
As I took the time to listen, and really hear each participant in this study, I was impressed with the magical effect love has of imbuing gifts with meaning that defies any pricetag, or gift you can find on the Internet. I recall three such times, myself.
One gift came from my mother, when she stayed up all night to make me a little pillow that she stuffed with discarded nylon stockings. Crippled with severe rheumatoid arthritis, it was a gift of sacrifice. The second was from my "Godmother," Carrie. The year before I turned 21, on my sister's 21st birthday, Carrie gave my sister the only thing she had "of value." It happened to be a starburst pin with a diamond center and pearl rays, a piece her grandfather was given by his plantation owner when he was freed from slavery. One year later before my birthday, Carrie told my mother she had nothing left, so decided to make me something for my gift. Nearly blind at the time, Carrie spent 9 months making a handmade quilt from the scraps of her favorite things. As she presented it to me she said: "Now, child, any time you know anyone who gets afraid, you just take old Carrie's quilt and put it around them. I sang a prayer into each stitch." Forty-four years ago, Carrie gave the gift that was priceless. The third came from my best friend. She copied every single piece of her prized music collection, so that I might use them, too, in the transformational work we each do with groups. Again, priceless.
Priceless Gifts Become Our Classics.
The fact is that the magic of gift giving was captured best by O. Henry's holiday classic "The Gift of the Magi." If you are struggling to find the best way to express your appreciation for someone you love, and haven't 'got a clue' as to what would be best, let's turn to O. Henry for guidance.
There is no tale timelier for today than this particular story. It begins with a young couple who are broke. Truly in love, each longs to express their affection and gratitude in a way which touches the heart of the other. Problem is, the wallet is empty. What to do? Although any sign of prosperity seems absent, each of them considers what their beloved might cherish. Knowing that "her man" highly cherishes the gold watch he was given, but has no watch fob (chain) on which to wear it, she comes to a solution. She sells her only prize possession, her hair, to purchase his gift. Whereas he, knowing that his wife's mane is her significant beauty, sells his watch to buy a beautiful adornment for her gorgeous locks.
Six Essential Guidelines to Master Gift Giving:
While there is infection in disease and sorrow,
there is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious
as laughter and good humour. (Charles Dickens, "A Christmas Carol")
Now, it's your turn. What's the best gift you've ever given or received and what's made it so? What gift do you wish you could give this year, but haven't found the means? What might substitute?
For more, see carabarker.net. For updates, contact me at dr.carabarker@gmail.com to save time, click on Become a Fan. Stay tuned for upcoming developments with The Love Project, including "Practicing Love." Stay tuned! Follow Dr. Cara Barker on www.twitter.com/DrCaraBarker.
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The Gift Of The Magi by O Henry
Holiday Shopping - Special Coverage on CNN.com
Holiday Shopping - Up To The Minute - CBS News
I apologize for commenting so late. I never really come up with anything to say except that the beauty expressed by the gifts you wrote about made me cry.
love,
little brother
I loved this post...thank you :)
Mine was a moment shared with my husband. In that moment, we both shared with each other that we wanted to give our Christmas money (the money we would spend on each other) to a friend who lost her home and all belongings in a fire earlier this month.
In that moment, we also shared a depth of connection, intensity, and love that I'll remember my whole life long.
Peace, blessings and joy to you, you giver, you!
Cara
every time I help someone is a best gift!
Love is the greatest gift - to give or receive
Joy to you each,
Cara
you have once again touched a vital topic - and a timely one, too.
As I read, I thought, "Oh, that's easy, Love!" And I thought about all the love I have experienced, giving and receiving.
But then, I thought, There Are Gifts Equal To Love! Many times, these equal gifts may spring from love, but not always, and we should honor them, too.
One gift I have been thankful for on many occasions is someone's time. This gift, unlike love, is a vanishing resource. A person only has so much time and when they give it, it can be a prescious thing, whereas a loving person never runs out of love - as you, sweet Cara, are such an obvious example.
Another gift I have both given and received which is as prescious as love is the gift of life. Not merely procreation, someone can save your life, and you can save someone else's. I am grateful for those who have saved me - at times from physical danger, and at other times from life changing events that could have "ruined" my life. Powerful are those moments when you recognize that you were saved somehow, or that you saved someone else - sometimes people you did not know, or who would never know you. ...Unlike love and time, giving the gift of life may not be something that can be planned, though sometimes, like a tissue donation, it can ...
- - prescious gifts are these -
I want you to know that in this hour, as in so many others, you are an exquisite example of the bright and shining Light that is the meaning of this Season and life itself.
Cara
Meeting Deb
What gift do you wish you could give this year, but haven't found the means?
An art school for street children I came across in my travels.
What might substitute?
Last night, in the middle of the night, my cousin was killed in a plane crash. What a reminder that the best gift is to receive the present moment, cherish the love and miracle of it all, and pay it forward?
Know that you both are in my heart,
Cara
May all good things come your way,
Cara
The most valued bowls of tea ceremony are irregularly shaped,
and some have gold patches here and there accenuating (rather than concealing)
damage suffered at the hands of long ago owners
Asymmetry and irregularity allow the POSSIBILITY OF GROWTH,
but perfection chokes the imagination.
Donald Keene
A blessed holiday to you, dear one,
Cara
I have participated in give away ceremonies that have been so powerful- everyone brings an object of great personal sentimental value, of which they feel moved to give away. all objects are displayed and each person chooses the item thety are attracted to and shares a story of why. Finally, the person who brought the gift shares their own story. There were so many moments of tears as the synchronicity of stories bonded two people together so tightly. One woman chose an angel ornament and said it reminded her of her mother... turns out the owner shared that it was in fact, a gift from her own mother, who had also passed away... stories like that are priceless treasures.
What a creative assignment you gave yourself! Love it.
I treasure an antique necklace timepiece my husband gave me one year when we were first married- with the note that the best gift he can give us is the gift of time.
love to you and yours this Christmas!
Kari
How timely your words and heartfelt wisdom this day. Just found out my cousin was killed some hours ago in a weather-related plane accident (he was the pilot), and leaves behind three children, a young wife, and devasted parents, not to mention our whole circle. Embracing today, the gifts that are here, the love that is our origin and our connection to all sentient beings, is the medicine that heals all things.
What a medicine woman you are, double Aquarian, Kari. I am in your debt.
Cara
I would say most heartwarming gift would be from an eightysix year old friend from the Music City. She always had to work to support herself until last year when she was laid off, highly intellectual , classy,well read, we talk about the political situations ..Each year she sends me an yearly subscription of the mag. ~This Week~ ( not cheap)..among other books and so on..
As for myself I don`t want to receive a gift `cause I can`t give away anything that comes with so much love. Here in this site I have some dear, dear friends like yourself, it give me so much pleasure to wish you and them Happy Holidays with lots of LOVE and HUGS ...to you Cara
Your words are just the best medicine today, possible. Love and hugs back to you, gypsynomad,
Cara
And in the years since, the world has gone global, and we can write, and hear and see our friends, such as I do yourself, anywhere and at any time. A few years ago I gave web cams to my siblings and children around the country, ... a way to reach one another from afar and share a smile from 3500 miles away.
Happy Holidays to you, my dear friend. I send my love to you, and my appreciation for your reflections over the past year.
So, my friend, the sweet sharing of your memory gift touches me. I feel like I am there, overhearing those voices and musci, and struck by the wonderment of it all. There is nothing more, is there?
As for thank yous, truly, it is I who must thank you. Over these two and one-half years of writing for the HP, meeting a soul like yours has made it worth the while.
May your footsteps bring you along a joy-filled path,
Cara
All good things your way,
Cara
may you be in surround sound of love,
Cara
Happy Holidays, everyone, and blessings to all! It's been great fun interacting with y'all for another year.
All blessings your way,
Cara
It sounds like your cousin excelled as a student in the course of life, and having learned his lessons and balanced his karma it was simply time to move on. Now could be the time for family and friends to celebrate his life and throw a graduation party in his honor.
Sending much love and many blessings back atcha...
My father gave me tools just once; utilitarian and pragmatic they were, except for the screwdriver, which was more. It was a big one, with a dark blue handle... he always used it for tough jobs. Dad worked with his hands. He made stuff, fixed things, and just messed about for fun in his tool room. When he could not find a tool for a particular job, or the one available needed improvement, he would make his own special tool for the job. Tools were important to him; they were an extension of who he was.
By giving me the tools, I knew he was expressing a shared love, a bonding of purpose, and a hope for my enjoyment of them as he had, but then I saw in the bottom of the last package, the blue screwdriver, the one I still have and use for big jobs, the only tool his father gave him... the impact of that simple act was upon me, and is still.
Each time I reach for the blue screwdriver, I give a thought to my dad, and sometimes, I look up and say, "Thanks dad! It's just what I needed." Somehow, that simple little gift revealed and continues to reinforce my understanding of the utility, tradition, hope, and love entwined in a gift, and the true nature of giving.
A gift of obligation is filled with purpose; one from the heart is filled with love.
Merry Christmas!
Lawson Meadows
May this find you thriving and deeply appreciated,
Cara
Over time, the models would wear or break, and new ones were required. The originals and subsequent replacements were handmade by an older gentleman who my father said was a cross between a craftsman and an artist.
On occasion I would spend time at the factory, and I would sit in Mr. Jorgenson's wood shop watching him work: unhurried, methodical, purposeful, he gently and lovingly caressed the wood as he uncovered the images within. How did I know his hands expressed love? I didn't then, but years later, seeing my wife caress our infant children and witnessed the way she gently smiled at them as they slept... I know now.
It was not only the wood he loved, but the process with which he applied his skills. As you said, love is revealed in the process. He was lucky in that he was able to work at his passion as a career; I was fortunate to be a witness.
Thanks for jogging my memory, and for the inspiration.
Lawson
I don’t know what the greatest gift I have ever given is. My hope is that I have shared myself in the very same manner mentioned above. That I have connected with love in the spirit of the season beyond anything material. And if it left you feeling like you were the most important person in the world, then, that is the greatest gift I could give.
The gift and joy of the season to you dear friend.
May this holiday bless you and yours in ways beyond what can be imagined,
Cara
The latest this year was a beautiful 40-year old handmade patchwork, embroidered quilt that a Uzbek lady made for her son's birthday in 1971. Subsequently sold to a Turkish rug merchant and I purchased it there years ago. I gave it to a 22-year old girl to encourage her to broaden her horizons and told her the story to help with that.
I gave a beautiful embroidered Indian tree of life fabric that I had for years to a woman I met recently who desperately wants to change her life to encourage her to pursue her dream.
For myself, the one of 2 things I ever received of worth was the tackiest, loudest pink children's trinket box (barbie style) from my mother when I was 21!!! I treasured that piece of crap like you wouldn't believe until the glue gave out. I knew it was probably a childhood desire of hers but all the same I was touched.
Then, in 1996 she left me a two-line letter thanking me for bringing her over to Europe for 3 months. The second line said "I can't express how much I love you." That was special. Thanks for reminding me to remind myself.
I love you too. You Are A Very Special Lady.
Happy holidays
Catherine
The description of 'your homemade patchwork' warms my heart. What a magnificent way to pay love and gratitude forward. And, I must admit, while I was never a Barbie fan, the gift from your mother is more than touching.
You are such a Sweet-Heart!
Sending you every prayer for a blessed Holiday,
Cara