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The One Essential Thing You Can Do to Find Contentment

Posted: 07/14/10 09:40 AM ET

At 8:10 a.m. the car in front screeches to a halt. The lights turned red for those of us heading east. Perched on a rather precarious Seattle hill at the corner of Marian and 4th, two Gucci and Armani-clad business types are in hot debate, one shaking his index finger at the other with the words: " ... if it weren't for Obama, we wouldn't be in this oil mess in the first place. Guys like him are the nemesis to a global market." Guy #2 adds: "There's a bigger piece of pie if he would look in the right direction."

As a white pigeon circles overhead, I find my attention turning away from the duo on the street corner, and following the bird, who now has on his tail two wrens. I look up. On the fourth floor, above the two men below, a somewhat disheveled woman leans on her elbows, at the window sill, peering out through tattered lace curtains which are gently moving in the early morning summer breeze. Below, a decrepit window box houses a single, blue-red geranium. The woman breaks off corners of her sandwich, sharing her breakfast with the winged ones that comes by for a visit, as she sings to them.

Twenty minutes, and some 10 miles further down the road, at Children's Orthopedic Hospital, in line ahead of me at the cafeteria, two bleary-eyed parents are heavily engaged in letting anyone who will listen know that it's "... the doctors' and nurses' fault that our girl isn't getting any better after two months of hospitalization for a terminal illness."

Upstairs, in the restroom, a single mom washes the sleep from her bloodshot eyes. She is pale, in rumbled denim shirt and jeans. I ask her how she's doing. Riana tells me: "Today is a good day. Benjamin is still here. He's nine, been sick since he was a baby. He's struggling. But, he's still here." I ask Riana what helps her find contentment in such a difficult situation. In her words:

"We got what we got. My baby's still here for another dawn. I sing a lot when I remember that's what we do when we either don't like what we got, or we're happy about what we got."

"How did you mark this morning? Any particular song?" I ask.

"Oh, yes. I open the curtains as the sun is about to come up. We can't see it from the room directly, don't have the money for that view. More like we got cement. But, we see the gold, shining on the building and the trees. So, I sing's 'em 'Morning Has Broken.' I keep opening those curtains as wide as I can, and singing the words I remember, and make up the rest. We've always liked singing together. Now he can't, so I do it for the both of us. When we sing, we 'be's' fine."

As I look into her shining, though exhausted eyes, the words of Rumi come to me. I share them with Riana, and all the Rhinas who happen to be out there who I have not yet met:

"You are a ruby in the midst of granite."

Now the fact is, that the whole verse continues, which is a good reminder:

"You are a ruby in the midst of granite.
How long will you continue to deceive us?"

The One Essential Thing We Can Each Do to Find Contentment: It is so tempting to get stuck in the granite, until pretty soon, what we are left with is more struggle than is needed. It is so easy to lose sight of the ruby, the people, who, despite their apparent circumstances, embrace the ruby, and discard the rest. Regardless where you are today, in your city, your village, your nation, this world, there are millions of stories unfolding in the lives of those you know and have not met. Either way, the stories continue. Some are tales of gratitude. Some are sagas of unrelenting suffering. Some shake their finger at the government, the leaders, the economy, and the healthcare staff. Others notice they are not alone, and share a humble meal, a little song. Today and tomorrow, our lives are created by the choice we make about how we want to interpret the "what is." Don't like what's unfolding? Make a different interpretation. What do you have to lose?

Many years ago, on one of my trips to Africa, I shared a marvelous trip in Egypt with others. The Egyptologist and Jungian Analyst who was with me, Theo Apt, invited me to a little temple honoring Isis (Godhead of the Feminine in pre-Judaic/Christian times). We sat in the darkness, awaiting the first ray of sunlight from that cave. As the sun rose in the early morning sky, Theo recited an anthem to Isis. I shall never forget it. The Sacred is thanked by the one intoning, and the one hearing the words, thanked for the gift of life, for the ever- present opportunity to share the sweet, sweet gold that each sunrise brings us, and to share with all we meet, the blessed goodness that is here, despite the mess we sometimes make of things. In my book, this is the human and humane "ruby," allowing itself to shine, and hence, delivering the purest contentment to our door, our window sill, our street, this page.

Let's hear it for the contentment -- rich ruby moments. Let's hear it for those who allow us to witness their ruby shining. We are all the better for it. By way of example, check out the following ruby who salutes the ruby in you, as a HP reader. Bulbul2 has told her shining truth in last week's "Three Essential Questions You Must Ask When You Get Stuck." For those of you who do respond, notice that you are making a very real difference. This is not a solo event, but a tag-team affair that is at the heart of awakening. It is the One Life flowing through you, not me, that needs thanking.

"Cara, if I may call you that, now this whole world of gem has opened up to me, I am lucky I found you. As I was scrolling down the thread, what an amazing group of posters, so much to learn from this group. Lucky me, now I have all the previous articles to catch up. No, I don't twit, I find that a colossal waste of time for anyone (forgive me for my blunt remark but that's how I am), don't even have a facebook, who need those when I can find you here ..."

So, HP reader, I am so happy to find you here, to read your responses, follow your threads, and so grateful to you for passing what you find useful along to your circle. If you are interested in more contentment, consider taking a peek at "The Audacity of Love".

Meanwhile, tell us about the "ruby" you are noticing, or one that stands out from the past. What helps you let yours shine? What works best to shift your focus from the granite to the gem?

Please note that by July's end, you may explore "The Audacity of Love," a part of the "Coming Home to Yourself Program," at carabarker.net. Check the Shopping Cart there after 7/31/10, for this, and a special Teleconference Autumn 2010, in response to reader requests. Drop by and bring your friends. Follow Dr. Cara Barker on Twitter.com/Dr.CaraBarker

 

Follow Dr. Cara Barker on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DrCaraBarker

At 8:10 a.m. the car in front screeches to a halt. The lights turned red for those of us heading east. Perched on a rather precarious Seattle hill at the corner of Marian and 4th, two Gucci and Arma...
At 8:10 a.m. the car in front screeches to a halt. The lights turned red for those of us heading east. Perched on a rather precarious Seattle hill at the corner of Marian and 4th, two Gucci and Arma...
 
 
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Irene Rubaum-Keller
author of the book Foodaholic, psychotherapist
08:05 PM on 07/16/2010
Beautiful blog Cara. I think when we can find beauty in the granite, we are really on to something. xo
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Dr. Cara Barker
author, artist, and Jungian Analyst,
11:24 PM on 07/20/2010
With out-of-state travels, mixed with Internet challenges, I am just finding your nourishing words here, today, Irene. Bless you! Contentment rains on the dry granite that travel can bring, and life blooms once more, beautifully, thanks to your kindness.

Do drop by tomorrow. I'd love to get back to you in a more timely way.

May peace and joy knock upon your door often,
Cara
05:45 PM on 07/16/2010
Thanks for your post. Contentment and passion really do come from noticing those everyday blessings and being grateful for them. Today, for me, it was a perfect peach, eating it with juice dripping down my elbows and the smells of summer.
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Dr. Cara Barker
author, artist, and Jungian Analyst,
11:29 PM on 07/20/2010
Dear Leanna,

Now that the Net is working again, at this end, I have the joy of sharing that peach and it's yummy juice with you. Your comments are so, so true. The very description of your Presence with the peach, takes me back to a time in Egypt when all my bags were lost (for 9 days) but someone left a fresh peach in my hut. I shall never, ever forget that feast. Oh, also, they left the remains of a blue candle and some matches. What can I say? I had everything one could ever want or need, just like this very moment with you.

Oh, how you've enriched the heart of my day!
Please drop by again tomorrow. I'd love to keep learning from your Wisdom Heart.
Love,
Cara
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11:42 AM on 07/16/2010
you cannot not choose love because it's opposite doesn't exist. all suffering is born from trying to choose the non-existent..LOL!
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Ed and Deb Shapiro
10:23 PM on 07/15/2010
Hi Cara - We adore you- Deb and I reflect on the time we spent with you and it remains

like a ruby in our hearts! You are a rare jewel - we hold you in love

love is the healer - it's all about love - love love love

Ed
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Dr. Judith Rich
Rx For The Soul: www.judithrich.com
07:25 PM on 07/15/2010
Dear Cara,

I'm so glad I found your post finally! It was up and gone! What happened?????

With all the "granite" moments we're awash in, it's a breath of fresh air to read your "ruby" nuggets. This post is truly a gem! And might I add, so are you.

Thank you, dear Cara, for your steadfast loving commitment to bringing the ruby to our granite-filled human condition.

Love and blessings to you,
Judith
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James M. Lynch
Coach, Author, Seminar Leader
11:35 AM on 07/15/2010
Cara,
I hopped over here from your comment on my article and my comment to Anne Naylor and I have to admit that this HP venue for me is like a virtual university, where we can go from lesson to lesson, visiting each other and learning, sharing and growing.
It tool me a long time to read this post, I kept stopping, re-reading a sentence or section, I spent a few moments just sitting with the Rumi lines. What's happened is that reading this article was like the content of the article itself and in this you've delivered a 'ruby moment' to me.
Thank you so much,
James.
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Dr. Cara Barker
author, artist, and Jungian Analyst,
05:33 PM on 07/15/2010
Dear James,

You are the Ruby shining in this moment, James. In fact, you are one of my favorite 'faculty members' in the HP university. Your message never fails to deliver what matters mostl. Keep shining. Never forget the difference Life is making in the way it flows through you.

Many blessings and heartfelt apprecitation for all that you are,

Cara
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James M. Lynch
Coach, Author, Seminar Leader
11:53 AM on 07/20/2010
Cara,
Thank you for such kind words. I read them at the end of a long day and they are proof that you can create energy with words. You revved me up!
Sincerely,
James
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08:27 AM on 07/15/2010
Wow ! Good morning Cara, remember I said I would follow you and here I am. What a gem you are...
Started with a frustrating morning with HP which is expanding too fast , for someone simply trying to connect. I have invested too much time in here , trying to interact with the wonderful friends I have met. So I said to myself, perhaps I should phase out from the site, it`s not worth my while...
Then I started looking for you , and here you are to refresh my mind...and spirit....simply such an adorable soul you are..

(HUG)
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Dr. Cara Barker
author, artist, and Jungian Analyst,
05:37 PM on 07/15/2010
Sweet bulbul2,

Bless you. Actually, I couldn't even find my piece yesterday, or up until this moment, which, WCT, is nearly 3pm. So, I appreciate your frustration, and am so, so, grateful for your devotion to your process, and taking the time to come by for a visit. I'm sure that Alana, the editor of the Living Section, would be happy to receive any suggestions you might make so that the site is user friendly.

I want you to know what a difference you've made for me since your first visit. Sometimes we wonder whether it makes a difference to do these pieces each week!

Much love and infinite blesssings your way.
Cara
P.S. What's helped the treasure that you are shine? What's helped remove the granite in the way?
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06:02 PM on 07/15/2010
I wish I discoved you earlier, but hey, I have all your posts to read. I have a lot of catching up, But it is upto your other fans, I think don`t feel forced to write, because for you it comes like a clean thinking process and then share them with your readers. I don`t travel to much of religious section here, because I don`t believe in organized religion, but nothing against it, each is his or her own..
But yours is very different it is so full of your kindness and the work you do...that`s exactly what I need to read, someone like yourself sharing the goodness....of joy and sorrow...
LOVE
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DiogenesOfAlaska
Mitt Romney for president - of the Cayman islands!
05:19 PM on 07/14/2010
It took me a while to figure out what Rumi meant with that 'deception' of the ruby. And of course I don't know whether I got it right. But here's what I think he meant:

the ruby deceives us when we know of him only in its non-natural occurence, as a decoration or a precious asset. In that case, we may forget - or never knew - that it really can come into this world only in the midst of granite.

We may think that granite is worth less than the ruby. And maybe it is. But there's rarely any ruby without the granite nearby. It will come into existence only if extreme temperature or pressure is exerted somewhere within the earth.

So the ruby in the midst of granite isn't deceptive at all. It is telling the truth. It is only us who think that it somehow cheated its way into the granite.
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Dr. Cara Barker
author, artist, and Jungian Analyst,
05:39 PM on 07/15/2010
Oh, Diogenes,I love your 'take' on Rumi's words,and the issue of granite and ruby, for they are all One, as are we, after all!

My dear: tell me this: what does deception mean to you? This could be a most interesting conversation. When I get to Santa Fe tomorrow and find a computer, I'll check in to see what you left.

What a joy you are to my heart and Soul,
Cara
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DiogenesOfAlaska
Mitt Romney for president - of the Cayman islands!
03:42 AM on 07/19/2010
Sorry, I was without internet access the past couple of days myself.

Yes, I think that Rumi wanted to convey the idea that ruby and granite are one - and that it is us who separate them artificially. Hence deceiving ourselves.

'deception' means misrepresentation of facts to me. What got me so confused is that the voice in the poem seems to ask for it, as if it were something positive, something soothing. Which maybe it can be. But hardly when we ask for it, it seems. Because in that case, we would know that it is only deception that soothes us. Of course we cannot digest everything and must remain ignorant about some facts, and among those there are probably some that make life possible in the first place.
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Kari Henley
Make a Wish- now make it bigger.
03:24 PM on 07/14/2010
HI love!
I hope you are finding the ruby in your recovery! What a lovely post and my husband and I have been having a lot of talks recently about finding more contentment and compassion and happiness in our daily lives. Often we find it when we see the ruby shining and reflected on others. We need each other to see our own brilliance!
Thanks to you for casting the mirror out to so many..
love
kari
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Dr. Cara Barker
author, artist, and Jungian Analyst,
05:42 PM on 07/15/2010
My dear Kari,

I didn't find your blog this week. I missed you, too. Are you on a break?

Love your idea about the ruby in recovery. Although I don't go to surgery until7/28, I think I'll start that visualization immediately.

Interesting that you and your husband are having this conversation. I'd be most interested in your findings. In fact, the next few weeks might be fruitful to compare what comes. Watch for the next two posts.

Tell me how YOU are? Meanwhile, much, much love,
Cara
01:32 PM on 07/14/2010
Happy sunny Wednesday to you Cara: I love your posts. A week doesn't seem complete without one -- missed you last month! There are so many "rubies" in my life, I don't know where to start: Blueberries from my bushes, hydrangea and roses blooming, a job that keeps me on my toes, my sweet cats, but most especially my loving friends and family. I am so very blessed with two beautiful daughters who are becoming more independent every day, but still manage to call and see me frequently. What makes my ruby shine is the pleasure of being with my family and friends, loving them and watching them grow. Reading books also polishes my ruby. When I find myself missing the gems for all of the granite, I listen to music, sing along, dance, and walk in the park. What a lovely life!
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Dr. Cara Barker
author, artist, and Jungian Analyst,
05:46 PM on 07/15/2010
Dear Bambi6,

Oh, what a treasure you are, ruby-esque, indeed. Guess what? My very best childhood friend's name was/is Bambi. So you see, I just note a special connection to you from the get-go. Your basket of Ruby Moments seems oveflowing, for certain.

What brought you into such an abundant awareness? Do tell. Your way of living and loving is rare in this world, and much more needed. Any hints you can give readers would be marvelous. As for me, I am a most willing learner to your Wisdom, so heartfelt.

Love and rubies your way,
Cara
10:39 PM on 07/15/2010
In the past 2 years, I've been struggling a bit, grieving the end of a 20-year marriage, living alone for the first time in my life, trying to discover the best path for me. My friends encourage me to get out, but I must admit to doing a bit of cloistering/hibernation. That has just felt the most safe to me. Just in the last few weeks, I've started taking a few steps outside my comfort zone. Yesterday I spoke to a local planning commission in front of an audience. I was so nervous, but when it was over I felt so good! I'm trying to think of what brought me "into such an abundant awareness." Sometimes it seems that I've always been here; and sometimes it feels very far away and I ask my loved ones to remind me. Here's a quote from one of my favorite movies that kind of expresses it:

"It's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst, and then I remember to relax and stop trying to hold onto it, and then it flows through me like rain, and I can't feel anything, but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life."

Hope you enjoy Santa Fe. It's one of my favorite places!
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Arithrianos
reality has already (w)on(e), surrender!
12:16 PM on 07/14/2010
leave it to old rumi, he is aptness itself, why do we hide the ruby. i can say you and the posters here help me remember the ruby, i have a rep to keep, and showing off my granite is not good for my rep, so i have no choice but to keep looking for the ruby ;-) contentment is about expectations, if what you expect is life as it is, messy and delicious, you get the ruby, but if you are a picky eater, separating life into good bits and bad bits and play the game of accpting and rejecting then ther can be nothing other than discontentment, since there is always next, always a leaning into what is not now. be grateful for whatever happens and interpret it any way you will, otherwise you are nothing other than a slave to circumstances, and a slave cannot be content, that is why spirituals were born in this country, the "slaves" were singing their freedom while the true slaves, the "master" had to worry about his "property". sing to your life, sing songs of freedom and contentment, songs of joy, reality will respond, it can't do otherwise to those who dare to embrace their own freedom, those who go beyond the sob stories of ego, the old blamer and shamer, and see the gold that is always available in the sunrise of ones own freed awareness.
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Dr. Cara Barker
author, artist, and Jungian Analyst,
05:49 PM on 07/15/2010
Dear Friend,
Arithrianos, despite the fact that I've got to hustle off to my plane, I just had to let you know, you ARE the gold always available. Week after week, you so patiently, abundantly share what matters, what teaches, what embraces the treasure that is life.

Your song is so, so rich, so moving, so deeply appreciated. Who taught you, by modeling, this way to life's most meaningful music?

Let me know. I'm learning with your every word,
Cara
11:57 AM on 07/14/2010
Good morning Cara,

Your blogs often have a sense of poetic philosophy. As has happened several times in the past, a song jumped into my head as I read your article. Meatloaf's Two Out of Three Ain't Bad touches upon a similar subject but from the pessimistic perspective: "I know you're looking for a ruby in a mountain of rocks but there ain't no Coupe De Ville hiding at the bottom of a cracker jack box"

I find rubies in granite when I settle my mind down enough to recognize that its all rubies sometimes. But I like granite too. Granite is strong, aesthetically pleasing, and lasts. It's marble's less glossy cousin. Today I feel like I'm looking through ruby colore4d glasses. Soon, after I swim my laps, I'm picking up my son and his girlfriend and were going to the museum. There's an Egyptian exhibit that ends next week and we're going to make an afternoon of it.

I would recommend to bulbul2 that reading your previous blogs is well worth the time. As a matter of fact I re-read your earlier posts and Ed and Deb's too fairly regularly just to refresh myself on the spirit behind the ideal ideas.

your friend,
little brother
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DiogenesOfAlaska
Mitt Romney for president - of the Cayman islands!
02:33 PM on 07/14/2010
I get the impression that you're very much in the right mood to enjoy that egyptian exhibit!
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Dr. Cara Barker
author, artist, and Jungian Analyst,
06:00 PM on 07/15/2010
Dear Little Brother,

I'm with you,kiddo: Meatloaf's music is part of the repertoire that must not be overlooked. Keep the juke box playing, and send us the 'picks.' You've got me chuckling in the best way possible!

Also, I, too, love the granite and the ruby because it is all the same. So are we.

About this music side of your nature, Tell me about your museum trip with the kids with, perhaps, a lyric that comes?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What a treat. How blessed they are. I know that I am with you in my life.

I'm listening for your music, with love,
Cara
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Midnightrain
Hume was the greatest!
09:32 AM on 07/14/2010
Excellent post, Cara! I love it!

I especially like how you tie the African American woman to Isis (Aset). Yes, the African goddess, the deep knowing of how to stay connected to the divine in spite of life's challenges. That is part of the soul of the African woman, I think, in particular. If it were not for song, music, and the deep knowing that the sun represents the alchemical process of transformation, we would not have survived the awful terror of slavery. We simply would have given up. There are rituals that we do, in spite of the lost memory of why we do them, that keep us tied to our ancient selves. You have cited one of them. Thank you.

I have begun the practice of telling the spirits each morning that I am completely open to their gifts, that I am completely thankful for each one that is brought to me. As I have begun to do this, I see and am keenly aware of the many gifts surrounding me. I take less and less for granted, and I have learned not to become attached to the gifts, but to enjoy them for what they bring at that moment. I like your piece because it reminds me that, even in our darkest moments, when we think there is nothing but darkness, there is light; we can receive the light, we can receive the gifts if we open ourselves to them.

Again, excellent post.

Sincerely,

Midnight
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Dr. Cara Barker
author, artist, and Jungian Analyst,
06:06 PM on 07/15/2010
My dear, dear Midnight,

What a blessing you are to each of us. Your roots are deep, your Spirit strong, and shining in the Darkness. The message you deliver is nourishing to what what lays deepest in the Soul and Heart of Humanity.

Although it has been centuries since my African D.N.A. kicked in, I relate so strongly, profoundly to your words. The only thing I might add is the imperative of dance, of movement as part of the ritual. Somehow, though, I feel this in the rhythm of your message.

Keep singing out, shining, sharing. The more we all hear from you, the sooner we awaken and recall we are One after all.
As for your ritual of late, it is marvelous. In it, I am transported back to roots, and through it, joy thi smoment.

Please share whatever comes to you. I am always listening. By the way, with my upcoming surgery, I'd love to hear whatever you might say or sing!
Love, and Sisterhood,
Cara
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Midnightrain
Hume was the greatest!
10:39 PM on 07/15/2010
Thank you, Cara.

Yes, this spirit knows some things, and in spite of its clarity, I still sometimes do not fully listen. Thank you for providing the space for it to reveal itself. I do wish you well through your procedure, and I offer to you whatever comfort that my spirit can give. Life is full of uncertainty, but what I do know is that through it all the heart rises. May your heart rise up and guide you. Your heart is your mother, your goddess. May she stand for you in all ways. May she let no opposition defeat you. My heart, my mother, is with you.

In love and sisterhood,

Midnight