The Problem With Fear

"The only thing to fear is fear itself."
-F.D. Roosevelt

It's everywhere. Here's a few of the expressed fears I've heard over the past few days: "When will the demand for more troops to Afghanistan end? What if Ahmadinejad keeps heading in this direction?" "How many terrorist plots are out there, like Springfield, Dallas, Denver that haven't been caught?" "What if these madmen overtake the rest of us?" "What if healthcare reform never gets passed?" What if my company goes down?" "What if Michael Moore's right?" "What if I can't lose the weight my doctor says I must and get really sick?" And, from the head of a major publishing company: "The way the economy is, we can't publish what's needed. We can only 'put out there' what sells fast so we all don't go down." When we get hooked by fear, we are at risk of selling our soul.

The problem with fear is that it leads us to cash in our vote. There you are, moving down your life road, and fear, this uninvited guest, pops in front of you, and hurls you into darker places. Fear's roots wear many costumes: anxiety, anger, revenge, power grabbing. When our own private 'boogey man' intrudes into life, what's the end-result? Very simply, fear takes us off-course. Here's a sample from one of my HP readers, who bravely confesses:

"...in the midst of this joy was this very painful 'thing' that could set me rolling in an instant and consume me with thoughts of revenge. Sometimes it was just INCREDILY difficult to deal with the mental noise it was capable of creating, even though I had plenty to be joyful about...."

When we cash in our vote, we separate from our Spirit, our best instincts and deepest Wisdom. Fear shrinks us down, holds us hostage, blocking our development and contribution. Remember, fear's domain is the future, not the present. While there can be healthy fear, and a healthy response to it, much of what we suffer comes from misplaced fear. Fear affects not only the individual, but the entire family and community. Hence, my mother's people, as well as other indigenous peoples around the world, approach the fear-based situation from a completely different perspective than the Western world. When stuck in fear, the shamans' practice is to do whatever's necessary to 'call back the Spirit, ('retrieval'), or remove the fearful 'intruder' by extrusion practices.

How can we do this today? We can learn another way to spell fear: False-expectations-arising from-rigidity. When we operate out of false expectations arising from rigidity, we get stuck. Life happens when we are flowing. To get unstuck from whatever's 'got us by the short hairs,' we need to remember that who we are is greater than the present fear. We are here to grow, and find more freedom, joy, abundance than love affairs with fear allow. We can take back our power from fear. We can choose to wake-up what's frozen, including our courage.

Four Steps You Can Take toward Fear-Busting:

1. Make the fundamental choice that you are going to take better care of yourself.
After our treadmill chit-chat, my neighbor realized that his worry does not change Iran's direction, but only drives up his own
cortisol. Good for him: a vote for his own well-being.

2. Decide to use the energy of fear to help you grow, not feel defeat.
A colleague awakens to the fact that fearing other plots does
not alter anything. What this 47 year old woman can do is take
responsibility for not letting her inner 'madwoman' ruins her day
by what cognitive behaviorist Aaron Beck has dubbed 'catastrophizing.'

3. Dialogue with fear: Using your creative imagination, doodle your present fear on paper, and ask this little fellow: 'What do you want from me?' Listen. No doubt it's trying to scare the 'dickens' out of you because it's afraid you'll find the freedom trail.
Martin, a 51 year old man in construction, noted that his
'doodle' 'told' him that his fear was 'just trying to protect you.' Underneath which, he found an old, familiar pattern of this same fear
showing up whenever he's wanted to take a leap of faith in the direction of his own heart's desire. For several years, Martin's wanted to build schools for kids in third world countries, but has talked himself out of it for fear of 'how would I make a living?' His fear has cheated him out of his inspirational vision.

4. Thank your fear for its concern, move on, do something more
productive that uplifts your Spirit, calls you back to who you
really are. Whether you appreciate him or not, Michael Moore turned his anger into 20 years of films, as one example.
In Martin's case, he is currently researching areas where his skills
could be well used in the direction of his dream. He told me this morning: "Maybe I will lose the company. But, in the meantime, I'm getting 'my ducks in order.' I feel more excited than scared, as long as I keep my eye on what matters to me."

These courageous acts are called 'giving what needs attention, intelligent attention.'

"When the teachings tell us to 'make friends with our emotions,' they mean to become more attentive and get to know them better. Being ignorant about emotions only makes matters worse; feeling guilty or ashamed of them does the same. Struggling against them is equally non-productive. The only way to dissolve their power is with our wholehearted, intelligent attention. Only then is it possible to stay steady, connect with the underlying energy, and discover their insubstantial nature." - Pema Chodron

I'd love to hear from you. What fear's caught you in its grip? What have you done that's been useful in the process of releasing fear? What message do you have to others who are struggling with their own private fear today? I'll get back to you as quickly as I can. Meanwhile, kindly forward this article to whoever's on your list that could benefit from waving fear good-bye!

 

 

Comments

[ArtisticSavant]

In my experience, it's not fear of failure - but FEAR OF SUCCESS that keeps me from realizing my potential. I've failed many times in my life and it's something I'm not afraid of because I know what to do [been there, done that]. I've yet to find the key to handling success: what to do when you you're successful? what's the next step when you realize your dream? I've tried to use small successes to create some kind of guide but the big successes (that I know I'm capable of) just seem out of reach because I just don't know what to do. I can see a pattern in myself and my peers (highly creative, artistic people) of self-defeating behaviors even self-sabotage when we are so close to realizing a goal. My mentors have always said "don't be so afraid to fail!" but honestly I find failing the easy way out, I'm terrified to succeed in my work/life/­relationsh­ips/etc!

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Artistic Savant, you raise a truly important issue. Let me 'cook' on it. Perhaps it will be addressed for a future article.

Come back for a visit. You are on target.

All the best,
Cara

[tapeatsbill]

Interesting thought. I think I may have done this a time or two. Mt. Rainier has a false summit that is 2,000 feet below the true summit. Are we fooled by false summits in life?

[Srchin4Answers]

Thanks--really helpful article. I have tried writing my anxiety down, and for the most part it helps. There are still days when I find it really hard to get through.

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

You are most welcome. Consider the exercise and let me know what happens. You might find this week's "Getting Unstuck, Finding Some Fun" helpful.

Best wishes to you,
Cara

[Gnrshrtd]

So much to digest. I am intrigued by your referencing the shamanic 'call back the Spirit'. I presume it is a cultural reference, tho it reminds me of 'self-composure'. I'm a little non-plussed that the phrase 'call back the Spirit' resonated with me immediately. Perhaps because when I'm fearful, I am lost to myself?

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Gnrshrtd, you are not alone. Resonating to the whole experience of 'calling back the Spirit,' is at the heart of healing ceremonies in many, many cultures. What this means is that there is an archetypal building block, probably within our DNA, that responds when such an invitation is issued. It is below the level of culture, and springs from our very human roots.

I am glad you were witnessing your response. It bodes very well for you.

Blessings your way,
Cara

[fcsakes]

When I was younger, I managed to avoid many of the fears I saw eating at others. I was bold, eager, and full of confidence.

Now, as I grow older, I notice fear nibbling in where it never before existed, trying to turn into terror.

So far, what works best for me is to say, "stop," usually out loud, then get outside if I can, look at the sky and remind myself who I am, by name, what the day is, where I am. That's all. As I say, so far it works.

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks for your tips, fcsakes! Actually, you are really on to something in taking a break, outside, away from where the fear is anchored.

As for your comment on aging: you are not alone. Fears have a way of trying to 'gum us to death' with the increasing years. I say: 'No way.'

Come by again. I love your contribution!
Cara

[Anne Naylor - Huffpost Blogger]

Hello Cara,

Great to see you hear again - I missed you!

It is so valuable to point up these emotions that can sometimes be festering beneath the surface, so that we can give them our attention, learn from them and move on.

I love your dialogue with fear exercise. Fear can have its purpose, but it does not have to run us. Also I had not registered fully how rigidity relates to fear - but that makes so much sense to me. When I am flowing along happily, there is no room for fear.

Very good post, Care. Thank you so much.

With warm love,
Anne

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks, Anne. Yes, I know that placing fear in relationship with rigidity has not been discussed before. Nonetheless, whenever I experience it in clients or myself, if I really look at its underclothing, rigidity is very present. In a way, we can say that the rigidity is the ego's rigor mortis setting in, sensing that growth is knocking on the door.

All good things and much love to you, Anne,
Cara

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi Cara- I was afraid I wouldn't see you again and then I was afraid that I was afraid ... ok I won't be silly but someimes fear is silly but I don't want to dismiss fear although that wuldn't be a bad idea.

Fear is a tricky emotion in that if we give it power it can knock us out.

Fear is useful when being attacked by a bear, in caveman days or when a bus is coming at you and you better run fast. But quite often fear is about fear of the future like the "what if" examples above in your blog. That isn't actually real.

F - FALSE
E - EVIDENCE
A - APPEARING
R - REAL

"When will the demand for more troops to Afghanistan end? What if Ahmadinejad keeps heading in this direction?" "How many terrorist plots are out there, like Springfield, Dallas, Denver that haven't been caught?" "What if these madmen overtake the rest of us?" "What if healthcare reform never gets passed?"

Honor you feelings and why not invite you fear in for a cup of tea!

Ed

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Dear Ed,

So great to see you here. Just so you know, you are not alone. I had a number of people have difficulty finding my blog last week: it was in a different location. Bummer.

Great to have your comments, as usual, and your humor, too. Sometimes, the best 'fear buster' is humor. It shakes up our monkey mind, and sets us free to be right here, right now, enjoying that 'cup of tea.'

Love your way,
Cara

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

spot on -- you are sooo right

what would we be without our monkey

and what you said is so true

when we can get a grip and see how the mind trips us up and can create fear out of nothing (wow it all is out of nothing) then we may be able to relax...

I know it is all a big game but the ego wants it to be seriously real

oh well

hav a happy day,

Ed

[Kari Henley - Huffpost Blogger]

HI Cara!
I missed you last week - and it was so noticeable! I always look forward to your particular slant on current events. This talk about fear could not be more timely.
It makes me think of the proverbial "dark night of the soul" that you know so well. Sometimes we are in fear because great changes are before us- and it is not yet time to take action, but to have a sort of active patience. With the economy crashing a year ago, it was such a time of constriction and fear- and of hiding out. Now, the energy seems to be shifting back into taking action....­. gingerly and with eyes wide open, no?
Thanks for such a thought provoking piece. Using fear as a tool not only helps us to move toward productive actions, but also reminds us we are alive!
Love
Kari

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

"With the economy crashing a year ago, it was such a time of constriction and fear- and of hiding out. Now, the energy seems to be shifting back into taking action....­. gingerly and with eyes wide open, no?" I love the question you pose, Kari. Eyes wide open seems to be the 'name of the day,' especially with the monumental ones before us as a country, world, and as individuals. Thank heaven we are not alone in the dialogue. More and more seem to be awakening to the fact that what we do and fail to do affects all.

It's so great to see you here. I've missed you these past few weeks, and didn't see your blog last week.

Love your way,
Cara

[khanti]

How to solve the problems with Iran and N. Korea? It was fear that caused them to go nuclear. Really Bush didn't help by calling them axis of evil and his policy of pre emptive strikes. It only heightened their fear and distrust by the invasion of Iraq. Will we be next? This question definitely came across their mind.
So is there a peaceful solution? Yes! Remember “Mr. Gorbachev tear down those walls!”
No not those words but the condition where those words were spoken. Viewed by the World in front of a World Wide audience.
If both sides are prepare to talk then there should be no pre conditions but peace on the mind. It should be held in front of a World Wide audience. Whatever is committed during those talks will be witnessed by the World. There must be trust and tolerance. If Armadnejad asks Mr. Obama “if Iran Dismantle the Nuclear facilities will US do the same?” Or Obama asks “If US dismantle the Nuclear arsenal will Iran do the same?”
Whether we want peace or not depends on their commitment and our commitment to back the President to dismantle the nuclear arsenal.
There are no winners in a nuclear War.

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

It is like a marriage, isn't it, khanti? Peace depends upon both 'parties' deciding to lay down the blame game and deciding that something much more important is on the table. I could not agree with you more. Thank you for the historical reference, which gives a solid context for what you are offering here. Keep speaking out. Send what you've written to your senators and Reps, etc etc. Our world needs more voices like your own speaking up and out. Bravo.

Come by again,
Cara

[khanti]

He walked the length and breadth of the Land of the Golden Apple on foot to preach. Is that better for you?
How to solve the problems with Iran and N. Korea? It was fear that caused them to go nuclear. Really Bush didn't help by calling them axis of evil and his policy of pre emptive strikes. It only heightened their fear and distrust by the invasion of Iraq. Will we be next? This question definitely came across their mind.
So is there a peaceful solution? Yes! Remember “Mr. Gorbachev tear down those walls!”
No not those words but the condition where those words were spoken. Viewed by the World in front of a World Wide audience.
If both sides are prepare to talk then there should be no pre conditions but peace on the mind. It should be held in front of a World Wide audience. Whatever is committed during those talks will be witnessed by the World. There must be trust and tolerance. If Armadnejad asks Mr. Obama “if Iran Dismantle the Nuclear facilities will US do the same?” Or Obama asks “If US dismantle the Nuclear arsenal will Iran do the same?”
Whether we want peace or not depends on their commitment and our commitment to back the President to dismantle the nuclear arsenal.
There are no winners in a Nuclear exchange.

[khanti]

Please ignore this coment there has been a mix up on the first sentence.

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

The power of one man's message must not be forgotten. It is so easy to move from fear to overwhelm, in which case, everyone loses.

Bless you,
Cara

[Agentlady007]

I think your message is needed in this time and place. I hear in so many voices the way the economy is effecting us, and how hospital bills are so expensive, getting healthy is just a step toward paying for survival, and then these people as they get better worrry and fear how they will pay for this wellness, their recovery. Things are off balance. Thanks for your article. I am afraid it takes more than confronting the problem. I wish I had all the answers.

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

I'm with you, Agentlady007 (love the screen name)! The mess we are facing will surely take a step-by-step process. All we can do is our best in the moment, and let the rest go.

Thanks for stopping by, and using your fine Voice.
Cara

[Shanonovic]

A very very wise man gave me the simplest definition of fear and how to defeat it. His words changed my life. He said that there are two kinds of fear: the first is the kind that is visceral and real - - there is a tiger in your path. Your body reacts to that very real fear by flooding you with adrenaline - your heart races, your senses are heightened - - the fear is real. The second kind of fear is of the unknown. "I might lose my job". "he might stop loving me". "I might get hit by a bus". "I might fail". This is the kind of fear that gets us - - keep in mind, your body reacts to this sort of fear as well ---increased heart rate, sleeplessness, lack of focus, etc. But here is the thing about that second kind of fear: you made it up. It hasn't actually happened! It isn't true. There is no tiger in your path, your fear is a fantasy like every other thought you have about the future. Again, you are MAKING IT UP.
I have so much more peace now with that wisdom bestowed upon me. I use it practically daily.

Thank you for this article, such an important issue for so many - -

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Shanonovic, your friend is a wise man, indeed. Many thanks for coming by and sharing this wisdom. It is a good reminder for all.

Drop by again. Meanwhile, every blessing your way,
Cara

[tapeatsbill]

Cara,

"Life happens when we are flowing." How great and I really get that.

I had the occasion to speak with 5 men who were awarded the Medal of Honor one day. Each said that they were scared to death but somehow just acted. Each were so very humble and said that they were no different than anyone and that many of us would have acted the same in that situation.

They were probably in some kind of flow. For sure one filled with extreme stress and violence but indeed a kind of flow. The point is they ACTED. They went into action. Action will help conquer fear.

Forgive yourself. Love yourself and realize you are bigger than your fear and then go into action.

There, now I feel better and can go give this speech.

As always,

Bill

[Arithrianos]

One definiton of courage i really like is feeling the fear and doing it anyway, not feeling fear makes you insane, not brave.

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

I love your definition, Arithrianos. It certainly matches Bill's and my experience. You've done it again!

How are you, my friend?

Love,
Cara

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

My dear Bill,

I love your story, and your outreach. My father received a Medal of Honor, too, and although it's been so many years ago since he died, I do remember he shared something very similiar with 'your five.' How often we believe that the heroic are void of fear, yet no, they are willing to act in the way most aligned with their deepest Call.

You are my hero for this day.

Much appreciation to you, Bill,
Cara

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Your card and message were such a joy to receive. And, Bill, your daughter is quite a beauty, I suspect, inside as well as outside.

Cara

[CaveatMagnusFrater]

Hi Cara,

Letting go of fear is tough. Fear is sneaky, you don't even know that you're acting out of fear sometimes, you just do things. Then when you try to figure out why you did it, you realize that you were afraid of the consequence if you didn't do it. I find myself wondering why I didn't speak up when I knew that was the right thing to do. I tell myself that I didn't really have the right way to say what I meant. But it's really that I didn't want someone to think ill of me. Ironically, I end up thinking less of myself when I let fear dictate my actions. I try to keep a tight vigil on my motivations and I do alright. I do miss it sometimes but it's ok. At least I'm working on it. Besides, without fear, we wouldn't be able to grow our courage.

with love
little brother

[DiogenesOfAlaska]

It makes a difference whether you have time to think or not. If you do have enough time to think before you act, then 'giving what needs attention, intelligent attention' seems like a perfect rule.

As I understand it, this amounts to the same advice as given in the serenity prayer, but with fewer words. This does not help to surmount the paralysis resulting from a threat putting us in situations of imminent danger, but at least it helps with the diffuse forms of fear.

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Dear Little Brother,

Your words are so poignant: "Ironically, I end up thinking less of myself when I let fear dictate my actions. I try to keep a tight vigil on my motivations and I do alright. I do miss it sometimes but it's ok. At least I'm working on it. Besides, without fear, we wouldn't be able to grow our courage".

For me, fear, squarely faced, is the compost for courage, and therefore, a true gift. At the end of the day, as you point out so well, it is how we feel about ourselves that matters. Many times I've had people say to me: "How did you have the courage to ....." My response is the same: "Actually, I was too cowardly to live with the consequences of not acting when I needed to act."

How are you, little brother?

Love,
Cara

[CaveatMagnusFrater]

Hi Cara,

I'm doing awesome. Thanks for asking. I guess in a way I exercise your 3rd step to fear-busting. Often, when I notce that I'm hesitating of distracting myself from what I want to do, I try to figure out why I just don't wade right in and do what needs done. A few weeks ago my wife's clutch went out on her bike. I got some advice from some friends and decided to change it myself. I've never gone inside the engine or primary cases on a Harley before but I was determined to get it done! I took my five hours to get the cover off. It's about a 10 minute task but I kept coming up with reasons to delay. I better make sure I have all of the tools I might need. That pre-loaded spring might fly off and get damaged when i release the retaining bolts. Maybe I should wait until my friends get off work just in case I need their help. It was tough but I made myself just do it. It wasn't completeluy pain free though. After I was done, I patted myself on the back andI hurt my shoulder.

warm regards,
little brother

[DiogenesOfAlaska]

I was half shaken out of bed last night from a nightmarish scenario in Iran - to get up this morning and find that there was an earthquake in the pacific ocean.

After checking the exact time of occurrence, I felt relieved: the two had nothing to do with each other. Sometimes it helps to open your eyes and tell yourself what kids need to hear after a nightmare. That it's not real. But only fear.

[DiogenesOfAlaska]

Good to know John Kerry worried about Iran, too.

http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/0fbd6c88-ae0a-11de-87e7-00144feabdc0.html

I'm not sure I'll ever figure out why humans have invented natural catastrophes on top of those that can't be helped. The fact itself seems proof enough that power corrupts.

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Amen!

Cara

[Arithrianos]

Fear is indeed all about protecting what primordial ignorance considers to be you, which is the ego construct, it is never about protecting YOU, the real self, the indestructable nature of reality. As for how to deal with it, i can't really seem to add anything to your wisdom, the real trick as Pema notes is being able to study the fear without acceptance or rejection, just learn from it, for fear arises for a reason, and by looking for the root it almost always boils down to ego and it's "survival", for even ego knows it dosn't survive, that it is a complete sham, and fear is just one more string that ego uses to hold "together" the artificial prison, it is all meant to block the freedom trail to fearlessness, which is not buying into fear when it arises. False expectations arising from rigidity is true for ego fear is simply the past rigidly projected into the future, and the actual reality beyond ego has no past,present or future, there is only NOW, and to be NOW flexibilty and evolution are required skills.

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

And, since there is only 'now,' Arithrianos, let me tell you now, how much I enjoy your comments, and appreciate your offering here. I am uplifted by your wisdom every time.


I love your notion of "one more string that ego uses to hold together,' the artificial prison. As I read it, it occured to me, as well, that this is the holding together of the artificial person.

With gratitude your way, and the question of how you are?
Cara

[Arithrianos]

The artifical person known as "me" is a prison, yes indeed. As for how i am, in a word enjourneyed, there is no summing up possible, it is all still in process. Had a wonderfully liberating car wreck a month ago that gave me lots of opportunities to see how stuck i am, how identified i am with storyline and how that creates suffering. Had one of those magical moments when you see a big pickup hurtling towards you at about 45 mph, and gave it up in the NOW, no fear, all surrender, until after, then the fear and rejection set in with a vengance, but that is how i learn, by doing it "wrong".