She was distraught. You did not have to be Sherlock Holmes to sense it. Scratching around her blue plate with the tines of her fork, it was clear that something was on her mind. Up to this moment, she'd been relishing her butternut ravioli with gusto, savoring every morsel in the candlelight of the celebratory dinner. It was not hard to know this as so, with all her "ooohs and ahhhhs." But then, but then, something came onto her virtual radar screen that stopped her in her tracks, sending her into an unknown labyrinthe. Without the benefit of latitude and longitude, it was not possible to track where she'd gone, even though her body was still in its chair.
You know me. I had to ask. What was it that had interrupted her so abruptly, halting delight that was delighting us all? Calling her back with the question "Where did you go?" she responded, "I can't go on eating like this forever." "Why?" I wondered. A beautiful, statuesque woman with a glorious build, I could not imagine what would be the problem. Then, out it came. "If I let myself keep eating this way, there would be no end to it," she said, with dilating pupils, and a saddened look around her eyes and mouth.
It was then that I recognized a nearly universal syndrome that many of us humanoids schlep around in our invisible backpacks, so loaded with limited beliefs and self-condemning thoughts. The malady is something I'll call joy "abruptis interuptis." You might recognize it, if not in yourself, then at least, in others. The "condition" is known to escalate into a crescendo, reaching its yearly zenith sometime around New Year's Eve. On the stroke of midnight, for those who still make New Year's resolutions, there is the opportunity to transform regret into new promises that we will "do better" this next year. And, even if you don't make resolutions anymore, realizing that the vast majority are abandoned by February, you might recognize the following.
Here's the pattern. There you are humming along in your life, minding your own business. Then, as if from nowhere, some heretofore hidden delight comes into the moment, into the experience before you, and you find yourself captivated. Perhaps it is a special dish or stranger who notices you. Perhaps it is an unanticipated invitation to expand your game. Whatever it is, you find the endorphins surging through your system, pleasure rising with each moment, and maybe even an increased pulse. You are there. You are smack in the middle of full-on joy and freedom. Maybe it lasts a minute, a month, a year. Time varies with the individual. Then, without a warning, another part of you yanks your cord, whispers silently in your ear, "not so fast, buddy. If you keep going this way, this could lead to trouble. Big trouble! Stop while you have a chance! Warning! Warning! What were you thinking? You cannot be trusted. This will run away with you to who-knows-where?"
What's going on here? Very simply put: We do not trust our instincts. We forget we are hard-wired for well-being and success. To justify that such forbidden pleasure cannot be trusted, we revert to episodes in past history where we "blew it." What we do not do is look to the other side of the ledger: those times, big and small, when following our instinct led to amazing demonstrations that our intuition is working on our behalf! Isn't it interesting that we collect evidence to support the fact that we have made bad choices, but do not serve ourselves by jotting down demonstrations of "well-dones" The former, we believe, is "responsible," the latter, we tend to see as arrogant.
If there is one thing I know for certain, it is this. There is a teleological function to the psyche, to that deepest part of the human soul that is always pushing for well-being, if we cultivate a listening heart to what our deepest wisdom is telling us in the silence. It never fails us, if we heed it. This wisdom place does not threaten, does not scare, but conveys the message that we can trust it. It brings a calm, reassuring balm with its message. It tells us to let go our driving, our "efforting," our striving, our endless endeavors to contort ourselves into something we are not. This is the wisdom place that tells us to enjoy the moment, the sweet spots. If we have grown dry, it suggests rest. If we are starving for what nourishes our heart and soul, it says "receive." If we are lost, it says: "Stand still, stand still. Let the forest find you." In its presence, we are never alone, regardless outer conditions. Heeding its guidance demonstrates that our good is seeking us, as surely as we are seeking It.
The moment self-doubt enters, all we need do is return to what I call "the root cellar." (More on this in the next weeks.) For now, let's just think of the R.C. as the place of our innermost center. All we need do is center ourselves and ask for guidance. Sometimes, an answer comes sooner than later. Always, though, it comes in unexpected ways. To name just one: Two weeks ago, while enmeshed in unpacking boxes in our new place, I was battling the demon of "Should we have really moved here?" Downsizing nearly 1,400 square feet, the "letting go" process was getting to me. So, in practicing returning to my center, I asked to be shown some "evidence" that we were in the right place. (We had moved here based on instinct.) Directly after meditating, I decided to find the trash shute, because it beat unpacking another box. As I approached the door to it, a woman walked out of her apartment, and we began to chat. Within five minutes, we realized we were in the presence of an amazing syncronicity. Turns out that Edite was one of my good friends when we graduated from high school together in another town, 47 years ago. Going now by her Latvian name, Edite (I knew her then as Edith), had we not lived on the same floor, had we not bothered to make a connection, I would have missed an amazing "coincidence" and demonstration of the good we are seeking is seeking us.
So, who is the rascal that recoils in fear of "too much good?" Simply put, it is poor old ego, that monkey mind aspect of our beliefs about who we must be in order to be "enough," loved, approved. Probably more effective than any lobbyist, this self-constructed aspect of our belief system can argue us out of crossing the threshold of the most lucrative and deeply satisfying doors, finding ourselves in unknown rooms of experience. No small wonder that as analysts, so often we hear clients report dreams where they found themselves in mansions filled with many rooms and locked doors.
What can we do? Many of us landed on these shores thanks to the courage of those who went before us. I know that my mother, my grandparents must have looked out at the horizon and trusted that more for them awaited than what they could see. Our people took leaps of faith in the direction that promised a better tomorrow, challenging them to let go of the familiar. They set out, left what was no longer current, listened to their own inner GPS and set out. They were not afraid of "too much good." And, when they became afraid, they recalled that the promise awaiting was more compelling than their fears.
Begin now. Record your demonstrations of the good that is seeking you, when you trust your instincts, your intuition.
Your turn. What has been the greatest reward of listening to your instincts, following your intuition? Where would you like to expand this? What have you learned from not trusting them?
For updates, contact me at carabarker.net, or dr.carabarker@gmail.com. To save time, click on Become a Fan. Stay tuned for upcoming developments with The Love Project, including "Practicing Love." Follow Dr. Cara Barker on www.twitter.com/DrCaraBarker.
Follow Dr. Cara Barker on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DrCaraBarker
wonder-ful day to you..
ill hunt for your tweet lol...
xxx's
Your heart is one for which I have complete confidence. Here's to the Root Cellar!
Cara
This time may be a repeat, but it has been several hours since I posted the original and history has shown me that when my posts don't show within an hour or so, they never will.
I think that I trust my intuition but that I don't use it very well. I take it more as a heads-up that I should be a little more cautious rather than a reasonable warning that I should not put stock into any faith that someone I sense is untrustworthy is otherwise good people. I think that part of taking off the rose colored glasses for me is to stop giving people too many chances to prove that they can be trusted after they've already proven that they cannot.
Maybe I trust my intuition explicitly and deliberately from relationships with people I know that I can't trust for some reason. Anyhow, now that I've posed the question to myself that my sub-conscience will work overtime on it. Thank you for such wonderful food for thought.
Lotsa Love,
little brother
Be sure to check into the post this week. It has your name written all over it!
Love from your big sis,
Cara
As for the Twitter thing, I am pretty much with you. Every now and then, when the intuition strikes me, I send out whatever seems apt. today was one of those exceptions.
Wherever you are, always in my heart,
Cara
oh dear you know why but are too nice to say, so let me...because they can. the fox watches the chicken coop. my minds churns up some study of then piers were allowed to discipline their piers and they got way too harsh. napoleon complex... hp has public do this in order to secure their readers either b giving them a green cape crusader badge or the promise if you turn on enough people you to will get your cape crusader badge. plus they dont need to pay people...the whole thing has gotten quiet vulgar.
have wonder-ful day, i am holding out for a trip to my fav mexi resturant for breakfast. im just going to get ready as we are going and then tell hubby hurry! your running late. b4 he realizes anything ill be ordering heuvos rancheros.
fool is always one , but no regrets. Never hurt anyone
intentionally..and as you say...~worth the hassle coming back ~
to Cara. Big Hugs...Gypsy"
try again ? When I was young, intuitions ? never , did not
even know what it meant ! Was falling in love all the time ,
ever since I was five, some other driving force was there in
youth as well, you know what I mean. But always , there was
something inside like hurting my family, helped me to take a
step back. But not enough , made mistakes and still do and here
I am. Someimes intuitions would not help me, getting into
circumstances not necessarily my choice, like moving for eg.
Each and every time I needed to move I cried , my attachments
to friends ,to places was hard to leave them behind. Yet I
moved and fall in love with the new serroundings.. Same with
this internet venture, entered my fifth year, oh boy, did not
know a thingy, friends helped me, they still do, there there
are some , took me years to figure our they are one of
multiples....haha.. Now being there, done that , I purge some,
others left in the back burner and now follow my intutions to
make comnnections. ..."
"Dear Gypsy, Looks like the experiment worked with your post. I
hope it stays up! One of the really important themes in what
you write today strikes me as the imperative of connection to
what matters, to what holds life for you, and then doing
whatever you must to be true to who you are. I cannot imagine
many ways of living that would have greater value. The bumps
along the way are only that. No blame, no fault, just the
process. As for the Twitter thing, I am pretty much with you.
Every now and then, when the intuition strikes me, I send out
whatever seems apt. today was one of those
exceptions. Wherever you are, always in my heart, Cara"
When I was young, intuitions ? never , did not even know what it meant ! Was falling in love all the time , ever since I was five, some other driving force was there in youth as well, you know what I mean. But always , there was something inside like hurting my family, helped me to take a step back. But not enough , made mistakes and still do and here I am.
Someimes intuitions would not help me, getting into circumstances not necessarily my choice, like moving for eg. Each and every time I needed to move I cried , my attachments to friends ,to places was hard to leave them behind. Yet I moved and fall in love with the new serroundings..
Same with this internet venture, entered my fifth year, oh boy, did not know a thingy, friends helped me, they still do, there there are some , took me years to figure our they are one of multiples....haha.. Now being there, done that , I purge some, others left in the back burner and now follow my intutions to make comnnections. Feel much enlightened but not enough , a fool is always one , but no regrets.
Never hurt anyone intentionally..and as you say...~worth the hassle coming back ~ to Cara.
Big Hugs...Gypsy
Cara
Peace and blessings, including in the 'jungle,'
Cara
But I was encouraged by what Dr. Adler had said, and I wanted to go to grad school.
Then my conditioning kicked in, and I "thought about it realistically." Look at how much I already owed in student loans! And John Cage... yeah, okay, but I didn't really *like* his style of composition, so I should probably *not* go to the U of I, in which case grad school would cost WAY too much money...!
Does this "voice of reason" counter to instinct sound familiar?
So I decided to be "sensible," and get a teaching job after graduation. Maybe some year, in the future, I could try for grad school. I regretted not listening to my instincts within a few months of starting that first job. It was in a slum school, my fiance had dumped me after graduation, and all in all it was the worst year of my life.
So when the opportunity arose to go to Mexico, I followed my instincts and went. Which led indirectly to me moving to Arizona, meeting the man I married, and eventually to this page. :)
But there's a reason I write SF and fantasy. I do wonder about that alternate reality composer me.
Your story is rich, and one, I suspect, to which most of us can relate. I surely can. As for the 'alternative me' I do find myself wondering just who we might meet in the mirror and assembled village? Imagine the Thanksgiving Table, for one!
Sounds like your footsteps brought you to some mighty fine gold. I rejoice for that with you. As for the other, I, too, wonder and am in wonder.
Hugs and empathy your way! Once, I was invited to become part of a regular cast for the biggest theatre in my area, one in which James Earl Jones was present. I said 'no, thank you,' due to fear it would upset my scholarship. Another time, I declined from a full scholarship opportuinity for U.C.L.A. (I had not applied, my professor had as a 'surprise,') as I felt like I was 'done' with school. Years later, went back for 10 more years in other ways. We just never know...
Cara
I have no regrets for the path my life has taken. After all, if I hadn't taken the path I did, I wouldn't be looking forward to my thirty-seventh Thanksgiving with my husband, nor would I have eight books in my published list, nor would the Light that is my daughter have shone in this world. :)
But that doesn't mean I can't occasionally wonder about an alternate-reality Me, had I followed my instincts rather than the cowardly voice of "rational thought."
My degree was in piano. In my senior year, I studied composition on an independent-study basis. Dr. Samuel Adler spent a few days on campus, and my comp prof got me an hour with him. At the end of it, he casually mentioned that I shouldn't bother trying to go to Eastman (where he was, at that time and for many years, the head of Composition) for my masters; it was too expensive. Besides, the University of Illinois had a good program; John Cage was still in residence there at that time. No, Dr. Adler told me, go to the U of I for a masters, then come to Eastman for a Phud.
I was too darned dumb to realize this was, in effect, an offer to mentor me in the future.
(I'll post this now, and I hope they'll show in the proper order!)
My life is renewed, I found myself and like never before; my world is precious and lean. As needs and wants are few, my time is spent more so to giving. I have absolutely everything.
Your story is renewing, restorative and redemptive. Letting go may well be one of the hardest of all our tasks in this School of Life, but brings the greatest rewards through our Dragon Fight to get there. Ego hates letting go. Soul relishes it. I applaud your efforts, and am inspired by your Voice. Do come back again as we'd love to know you. Meanwhile, F&F,
Cara
You are the best xoxoxox
So much love,
Cara
Joy your way, my friend,
Cara