"What Bernie Madoff, Victimization, and Elie Wiesel Have to Teach Us"

"....in those times, it was human to be inhuman. And now the world has learned, I hope.... There must come a moment -- a moment of bringing people together.

... Memory must bring people together rather than set them apart. Memories here not to sow anger in our hearts, but on the contrary, a sense of solidarity that all those who need us. What else can we do except invoke that memory so that people everywhere who say the 21st century is a century of new beginnings, filled with promise and infinite hope, and at times profound gratitude to all those who believe in our task, which is to improve the human condition.

... Camus wrote "...after the tragedy...there is more in the human being to celebrate than to denigrate." Even that can be found as truth ... in Buchenwald."

Elie Wiesel

Wiesel knows a few things about reconstructing a life, after experiencing the uncertain, devastating times of Auschwitz. Few of us can imagine such a horror.

And, yet, today, people face their own version of devastating circumstances in a myriad of forms. While there was dancing in Iraq's streets at the pulling out of our troops, there is also weeping for the untold numbers of killed and wounded, not to mention their families. Everywhere you look around the world, some rejoice while others suffer. While Honduras' president's kidnapped in his pajamas, other politicians celebrate. While Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson are laid to rest, friends and family remember times of beauty. We live lives of contrast. No wonder we question what it means to be here, on this earth, in this way.

Uncertain times can bring out the best or worst in people. Who amongst us cannot remember a time when we felt betrayed? Who amongst us cannot recall the desire for revenge? It's the most natural thing in the world to react when you feel cheated. Maybe a 'Bernie' character stole your money. Maybe the economy has hurt your career. Perhaps you feel betrayed by life force itself, leaving you to deal with serious illness which robs you of the promise of 'lots more time.' Just the other day, I came out of the gym and someone had side-swiped my car on the passenger side, leaving no contact information. It will cost around $1000 for repair. Where is justice when you believe you've been doing your best, yet bad things happen?

We do need time to stomp our feet, ring our hands, and fantasize what we might like to befall those behind the dastardly deeds. The trouble is that reactive 'getting even' carries a hefty price tag. Not only does it send toxins racing through our own bloodstream, it contaminates our relations. Think of someone you know who spends too much of their juice trying to 'even the score' for some perceived injustice, or does a perpetual whine and moan song of 'ain't it awful.' How do you like being around them? What happens to your own vitality? I don't know about you, but I want to run in the other direction from such a depleting atmosphere. Blessedly, our job is not to solve everyone else's problem. Not even if you are a 'shrink'!

Our alternative is to cultivate a practice of responding before doing further collateral damage. Perhaps we'd do well to remember that the roots for the word 'justice' relate to fairness and beauty. These days, the very idea of people living together harmoniously might seem far-fetched. Rumi warned: "...Don't move the way fear makes you move." When injustice and inhumanity seem so prevalent, where do we look for guidance? How may we become more humane, more generous to ourselves and one another?

We cannot do much better than to note the example set by Nobel Peace Prize Laureate, Elie Wiesel this week. Note the contrast. Bernie Madoff has his 'day in court' for sentencing. Meanwhile, some of the very people victimized by his inhumane greed, are taking it upon themselves to sue other Madoff investors able to bail out earlier. When fear shows up, victims too often become perpetrators. Poverty consciousness runs deeper than money.

Victims become perpetrators when fear takes over and mutes out Wisdom. The moment we begin impersonalizing one another, we deface and dehumanize them as well as ourselves. In stark comparison, Wiesel, whose funds were absconded by Madoff, proposed an entirely different means of atonement.

His suggestion is that Bernie Madoff's prison cell be papered with the photos of the people he's harmed. Elie Wiesel returns the focus to the only place healing can ever begin. He demonstrates that you don't get to be a Nobel Peace prize Laureate by seeking 'an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.' He illustrates the power of forgiveness, and the truth that you can forgive without forgetting. He suggests returning to relatedness, coming home to the fact that we do have choice, and these choices can create compassion, and healing, or destruction. Each new moment, a new choice is possible. We either grow our humanity, or we remain victims and perpetrators.

The words of Rumi come back as guide:

"Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing,
There is a field.
I will meet you there."

A Little Exercise: If you were to 'paper' your room with the faces of people you'd like to thank, whose photos would be there? What message would you like to deliver? If you were to include those with whom its time to make amends, what would you communicate?

I'd love to hear from you: your responses, your questions, your feelings, your news, your links, and promise I'll get back to you as quickly as possible! Blessings your way. May you and your car be safe from hit-and-runs!

Comments

[Anne Naylor - Huffpost Blogger]

Dearest Cara,

My comment seems to have been whisked off into the far reaches of cyberspace... so here again!

I love what you write here. Life is so full of contrasts and it is good for me to remember that these contrasts are part of our richness.

The hard times have always served me to touch more deeply into my spirit and find more of my own strength within it. As for papering my walls, I would include those who have stretched my tolerance and understanding. "Enemies" can in their way prove to be "friends" because they are my teachers.

More and more I am learning that absolutely everything that comes to me is for me, and is a blessing.

I so appreciate your wisdom and caring.

With love and blessings to you,
Anne

[DiogenesOfAlaska]

you write:

"Enemies" can in their way prove to be "friends" because they are my teachers.

This reminds me of a saying that we have in Germany, and I will freely translate it - its bluntness is part of the original intent, not an artifact of my translation, I guarantee :-)

Nobody is useless, since he can always serve as a character in a cautionary tale.

Now, I am really not claiming that this is a new insight of philosophical ethics, but when it comes to hit-and-runs, it is sometimes the quickest and best answer there is. And in some elaborate sense, it is also part of the core of philosophical ethics... I just don't know yet whether the force of the story will continue to hold when it is woven into abstract principles. Probably not. Experience does matter.

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Anne, you never stop inspiring me. Many blessings and much love your way.

Cara

[Annaliisa Gillings]

Dear Cara

Thank you for your post. I loved it as well as the comments. What stood out for me is that I believe there are no victims in this world!
We are the creators of our own experiences, all of it!
Until we are fully conscious of our own powers, we create by default and then it is easy to get into the blame game. It is hard for me at times to understand all of it yet, but more and more I have become aware through sudden flashes of insight how I have attracted/allowed some wanted or unwanted experiences into my life. But responsibility I need to take, accept it and forgive myself if necessary, before I can move on and start deliberate creation. I am learning constantly to monitor my thoughts as to direct them and the inspired action towards things I want rather than creating things and experiences haphazardly. We are all powerful creators whether we know it or not. My belief is that we as humans put a lot of emphasis mistakingly on action, when in fact we should learn to direct our thoughts to things that we want to create. That's where all creation starts.
As to the car incident, you might consider putting an imagined white light around the car when you leave it. For now this is all.

Until next time ....
With much love Annaliisa

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

I love your stance in life, Annaliisa. For me, as the saying goes, 'this is where it's at!' Know that my car appreciates your caring idea, as well!

Love and all good things to you and yours,
Cara

[Usedtobequiet]

Dear Dr. Cara, thank you again for a remarkable piece. When I heard that Elie Wiesel's charitable foundation and personal funds were decimated by this man, I wondered how someone could be so divorced from his very soul to do such a thing to someone who had already suffered the unimaginable. What do you do with such a person?

Strangely enough, the subject of justice and fairness have been on my mind this week, because (like you a few weeks ago) I have been serving on a jury trial that just ended. Someone "wins" the case so someone must "lose". The judge spoke to us after our decision was made and said that now the parties could move on, even though it may not have been the ideal decision for one of them. How do those that have been victimized move on? Elie Wiesel provides some answers.

As an aside, have you been advised by people when they hear you have jury duty on how to get out of it? I sure did. What would happen if everyone tried to get out of it? It's not a perfect system, but it's the one we have, and for a good portion of the time, it does work. It was a remarkable experience for me. I was struck by the sincerity and desire to do a good job of my fellow jurors. This was true of all of them, but the young ones really touched me and gave me hope.

Usedtobequiet

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Dear usedtobequiet,

Oh, how glorious is your Voice! You should be writing a regular piece that gets out there. But, then, you may be 'well on your way as we speak!' I could not agree more with what you have written. Frankly, I am heartened that people like yourself are called to jury duty. It is a strange position, isn't it? I kept thinking about 'there but for the grace of God, am I,' in my own experience.

Much love, joy and peace your way,
Cara

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi sweet Cara,

My friend Chloe Goodchild works with Coleman Barks who is well known in the US as a voice of Rumi
Coleman and Chloe are in our new book. BE THE CHANGE - How Meditation Can Transform You and the World it wil be published Nov 3rd

Chloe wrote a song and she sings it so beautifully I cry. Cara you nailed it....

"Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing,
There is a field.
I will meet you there."

Big Love,

Ed

Ed

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi, Ed and Deb,

Is your friend Chloe living in London?

Great to hear from you,
Cara

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

she lives in Bristol -- England

[FHTB]

His suggestion is that Bernie Madoff's prison cell be papered with the photos of the people he's harmed.

Mr. Wiesel is a man I respect and admire greatly, but he doesn't realize that a sociopath like Madoff would not in the least be affected by such a display in his cell.

Meanwhile, I hear Madoff's wifeypoo is now free to go wherever she pleases, after having to give up their Upper East Side manse...get that woman in jail!

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi, FHTB, and thanks for chiming in. Yes, sociopaths don't move to the same drummer, for sure. Perhaps the invitation through this mess is that those of us, like yourself, who are dedicated to growing our awareness, can do so by facing the 'faces' of those with whom we need to make amends.

I'm sure that Ruth M. has her own list of names. I know that I do, too. Let me get busy and put right what I've gotten wrong.

Blessings and peace,
Cara

[FHTB]

While Honduras' president's kidnapped in his pajamas...

According to a BBC story, most Hondurans were delighted to see him hustled off in his PJs, and were more than happy to see the back of him...I don't like coups, but it seems the populace was more than ready to say ADIOS to this guy.

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Ah, yes, the story is just beginning to unfold! Thanks for coming by FHTB. Drop by again. I like what you have to say.

All good things,
Cara

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

Beautiful, Cara!

This is a concept a try to live by, going beyond right and wrong and coming from compassion. I love the Rumi quote, one of my favorites.

Love and LIght!
Jason

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

And, dear Jason, I love how you live in that field of compassion. You are one of the Divine's most brilliant inventions!

Cara

[brooklyncitizen]

Thanks for the Rumi poem...I have his poetry up all over my studio walls.

Another favorite:

Today, like every other day, we wake up empty
and frightened. Don’t open the door to the study
and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument.
Let the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

Regarding the Wiesel response i still sense a bit of condemnation in that suggestion(I could be wrong).

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

You are so welcome, brooklyncitizen, for the Rumi. May I add that the poem you added is one of my all-time favorites, too! I also want you to know that I am always so, so happy to hear from you. Let me know how you are.

Love,
Cara

[tapeatsbill]

Whoa girl you can write! I wondered what Bernie Madoff and Elie Weisel were doing in the same headline.

It is one thing to discuss justice for a person like Madoff and another to confront betrayal in your own life. After 20 years of a good & faithful marriage my wife moved away from me and our daughter. We divorced. I felt the victim of major betrayal, the first ever of my golden happy life. I did not do well. Anger, resentment, bitterness invaded my victim life.

Then in a moment of clarity I saw what I was becoming. I didn't like it. The choice was so clear. Follow the path of fear or follow the path of love. I wanted love in my life so I chose it.

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I chose the one
less traveled by and that has made all the difference."
(Robert Frost)

"Between stimulus and response, there is a space.
In the space is the power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
(Victor Frankl)

Loved the Rumi quote.

I used to live a bored, mundane life waiting for inspiration. Then I went looking for it and it was everywhere. Here it was today thanks to you.

Peace on ya!

Bill

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Dear Bill,

Your words, and the feeling behind them, move me beyond what I can express. Bless you. You give us all such a marvelous example of what it means to awaken through the Dark Night, and become a candle in that Unknown place.

Of one thing I am certain: you will be, and are, a magnetic attractor to great beauty, warmth and peace.

Do drop by again and let me know how you are.

Meanwhile, peace and blessings your way,
Cara

[voodoomonkey]

"As you sew, so shall you reap" is the law of karma that takes care of returning the effect of wrong-doing to the doer. Luckily we don't have to take that job on.

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Yes, yes, yes, voodoomonkey. Now, if more of the time we remembered the truth of your words, imagine the difference we'd see in the world. I know: let's start with us!

All good things your way. Let me know how you are!
Cara

[Kari Henley - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you for sharing this amazing information! Wiesel continues to be such an amazing light on this Earth.
My husband and I were discussing some "just rewards" for Madoff. It doesn't seem satisfying to so many people that he just sit in jail, as it does not directly relate to this crimes. We had a good laugh brainstorming some other ideas:
- making Madoff don a uniform and work at McDonald's... and serve free meals to all. Or maybe he should be forced to use his "brilliance" in a major non-profit and raise money for the WFB, or Katrina victims....
it is not then an "eye for an eye' but a living example of retribution, or giving back to society after taking from it.
I think your post was much more elegant and of higher mind! ha ha
Take care
Kari

[tapeatsbill]

Not sure I'd buy a burger from Bernie but would donate to a good cause to have my picture taken with him if he was in a McDonalds uniform!!

Bill

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

My dear Kari,

I've got to admit, I do admire the work you and your husband did on this issue! Now, I know who to call when I need creative acts of 'pay-back' time! Of course, you are also the one to call for inspiration and love. I've missed you, Kari.

Love,
Cara

[olmossy]

Forgiving a person who has wronged you , really does not let him off the hook. Forgiving him lets YOU off the hook. Holding grudges and hate is like drinking poison and praying he dies.

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

olmossy, you've said it far better than I. Thank you so much for your contribution. You've said so much with an economy of words. I am better for them, as I know are others.

Come by again!
Blessings,
Cara

[dhyland]

Hi Cara:

Thank you for sharing your talent. You have an accute awareness of life's interconnectivity. And you have an exquisite ability to craft lessons essential to humanity from events that, to the naked spiritual eye, seem disconnected.

About forgiveness: I believe this is an inside job. I would imagine at some time in Wiesel's own life, he harmed others, owned up to it with himself, and did the inner work to restore his sense of integrity. As you expressed so beautifully, he seems to get that we human beings are connected. Many spiritual traditions say that, at the level of our Higher Selves, separation is a facade. We are One; this is inalterable. I certainly don't know what was on Wiesel's heart as he made the suggestion for Madoff. Compassion, though, would allow him see Madoff as a brother in the Human Family, and relate to the internal suffering that would cause Madoff to want to live out of scarcity. Having come to terms, then, Wiesel then has the ability to hold his perpetrator accountable while simultaneously choosing to use the situation to give in a way that forwards all of life.

I say all of life because, in an interconnected world, what I give over here has an impact over there. Scientific evidence supports that: critical mass theory, butterfly effect. I appreciate the evident care in one reader's comments about neglecting Palestinians. I wonder about that in an interconnected world. When we give, is anyone neglected?

Gratefully,
Dawnelle

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Dear Dawnelle,
I've been writing these columns since last August. Readers remain remarkable. And you, Dawnelle, have taken the time to write something so beautiful, so important to the issue of human transformation. What is clear to me is that you have taken your journey seriously, and have joy in the process. I send you much gratitude, and the wish for many, many blessings your way.

With love,
Cara

[dhyland]

Thanks, Cara. I must admit--I've been reading since April of this year. Your work is so rich! So much I could speak into. I guess that's why I haven't responded to earlier posts--if I took the time to write everything I was thinking, I'd violate all kinds of word limits & end up creating a blogy about your blog (LOL). Gotta work on pinpointing what I want to say without taking away the essence. :-)

In any case, I am grateful there is a community here, that you've created, to learn and grow about things that matter so much to all of our lives.

Blessings right back at ya!
Dawnelle

[ejones3]

Continued...

But you're right. Far too often, the victim does turn out to be the bully of the worse kind. I know one of your previous blogs touched on that subject. The message I delivered to myself, being of Christian faith, is "the Lord provides". I can't be concerned with it or it will continue to cloud my every waking moment. And at that point you're no longer living. You're going through life trying to settle a score.

And my grandmother always told me that in settling a score, there's always someone bigger and badder than you. Not worth it.

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

May I add to your grandmother's remarks, 'amen.' She was/is a pretty smart cookie!

Love,
Cara

[ejones3]

This blog is long overdue. I've been dealing with this battle myself with an old roommate. I moved out of our old apartment when the lease was up. She lied to me and decided to stay and drained my portion of the deposit as well as trashed the apartment.

I should note that living in LA, deposits aren't cheap. We're talking a couple thousand dollars. So I battled with her and the landlords for about two months and the battles still continued until I called a lawyer and they advised me to sue her. This was about a month ago. After that phone call, I took some time to meditate. Something inside me said to let it go. I am blessed. I did everything the right way. I just couldn't understand why I was the only one losing out. And I should note that I still live in the same complex, just a different apartment. So I was also being harassed by her.

I can't say that I've forgiven her. I have decided to not sue and let the universe take care of both of us in the way that we've taken care of it. I do wish that she had put herself in my shoes and asked, "what if it was me or mine? How would I really wish to be treated?"

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

It sounds like you are doing brilliantly, ejones, at working your process. I am confident from the questions you are asking that much growth, albeit through pain, and probably a sense of betrayal, is happening. My dear friend Wendy's dad shared something with me several years before he died. Said Howard: "If you can solve a problem with money, you are fortunate!" So, my dear, bravo for you that you took the time to meditate, and that you acted on the Wisdom that came to guide you.

Check out the response from 'olmossy.' I think you will resonate with it.

All good things your way,
Cara