Secrets to Lasting Intimacy: Ancient Tantric Wisdom Transforms Modern Love
Taoism, Hinduism, Buddhism, North American Quodoshka, and others, hold secrets to creating fulfilling love and intimacy that are not known to the Western world. One of these ancient traditions is Tantra which was born over 5000 years ago in East India and practiced by people that called themselves tantriks or tantrikas. You might wonder "What is it and how does it work?"
Here is a taste of what it's all about: In the Western world we look at our bodies, relationships and life in a way that is often compartmentalized. For example, we think of sexuality being separate from spirituality - as manifested in our bodies and our practices. In Tantra a possibility is offered that teaches how to integrate one's sexual with one's spiritual energies. This allows for a divine experience with oneself and ultimately with a partner. Rediscovering our innate energies that are sexual-spiritual in nature we then are able to express ourselves more fully - free from constraints and habitual patterns, e.g., shame, guilt, fear, suppression or obsession. And this in turn allows us to experience our full potential of pleasure and creativity.
In learning about Tantra many years ago I experienced a big opening namely the connection and integration of my pleasure self with my divine being. This rediscovery is one of the fundamental breakthroughs Tantra offers and now I witness these breakthroughs in our students at the TantraNova Institute all the time.
How does it happen? In the TantraNova approach we use the breath, energy awareness, meditation and healing practices with disciplines based in human development, generative language and creative self discovery. The breath is the key to activate and move energy including aroused energy. Through specific breathing exercises you can learn to connect the lower energy centers (related to feeling centered and save as well as pleasure and joy) with the higher energy centers (related to feeling love and spiritual connection). To get a first hand experience of "energetic flow" try this solo practice:
- Sit in a comfortable position
- Take in a deep breath and feel your belly rising on the inhalation and falling on the exhalation.
- Put your right hand on your belly below your navel (this is your creative energy center), and your left hand in the middle of your chest (this is your heart or love energy center).
- Take in a deep breath, expanding your belly into your right hand and then breathe up into your chest into your left hand.
- On the inhalation feel your energetic breath moving from your right hand on the "Creation Center" up into your left hand on the "Heart Center"
- On the exhalation visualize sending the energetic breath from your "Heart Center", the left hand, down into your "Creation Center", the right hand.
- Continue in this breathing pattern for eight breaths.
- Slowly take your hands off and let them rest in your lap.
- Stay with your breath and the connection between your Creation and Heart centers. Notice how you feel right now.
- Come back by opening your eyes.
Creating intimacy has all to do with being aware of where desire originates from. Tantric tradition holds that men and women approach sex and intimate relationships in fundamentally different ways. For men, sexual energy originates in the sexual center, while for women it originates in the heart. The result is a big disconnect: He's feeling it here, she is feeling it there, and eventually no one's feeling it anywhere. Tantra comes to the rescue by helping you get on the same wavelength.
Therefore we teach men to channel and master their sexual energy by integrating their sexual with their heart energy. Thus they become present and available to more deeply connecting with themselves and their partner. Women learn how to open their heart so their sensual intimate self can receive and trust.
We are all full of sexual energy - it's our life force energy, also called chi in the Tao tradition and Kundalini in the tantric tradition. It's our most profound life source - part of what created us, and the key to helping us achieve our dreams, including better relationships. Unfortunately, most of us have no idea what to do with that energy. The tantric practice allows us to learn how to use our sexual creative energy as a doorway to our most intimate spiritual, emotional and physical selves.
Dr. Elsbeth Meuth and Freddy Zental Weaver are internationally renowned seminar leaders and relationship coaches. They are the founders and directors of the TantraNova Institute in Chicago and the producers of the best-selling DVD series Creating Intimacy & Love. They have been featured on Showtime's Sexual Healing (TantraNova on Showtime's "Sexual Healing"), NBC's Starting Over, in Women's Health Magazine, and many more.
To learn more about their upcoming workshops and retreats for couples and singles go to http://www.tantranova.com.
(c) 2009 TantraNova.com
Follow Dr. Elsbeth Meuth and Freddy Zental Weaver on Twitter: www.twitter.com/TantraNova
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I also agree with Pema that teaching people techniques, within a seminar,( rather than as an advanced practise and initiation under the long term supervision of a Master) to physically try to awaken Kundalini through sexuality is irresponsible. The popularity of casual literature about chakras and energy work leaves people susceptible to movements of energy that could not only be destructive to a nervous system not prepared by extensive spiritual practise, but also could leave them open to spirit attachments and all kinds of uncontrolled psychic pnenomena. A very tricky territory for dilettantes to negotiate without harm.
What these authors are retailing has little relationship to all that is under the huge rubric of Hindu Tantric spiritual practise and philosophy. The have take one thread of obscure practice from a massive tapestry eons-old tapestry and turned it into sex-therapy for self-indulgent new agers.
A word to the naive new age consumer: Self-proclaimed experts on traditions that they have no relationship with either by ancestry or legitimate study should be questioned. To find out more about cultural appropriation, I recommend reading "Everything but the Burden" by Greg Tate, "Karma Cola" by Gita Mehta, and both "Orientalis" and "Culture and Imperialism" by Edward Said.
The word "tantra" as used by these authors has almost nothing to do with the Hindu tantric religious or spiritual practice.
I am so fed up of Indian culture being distorted and then marketed in an impoverished, butchered form by so-called experts who seize upon one Sanskrit word, write a book about it based on their own fantasies and quasi-psyc
Just like the suburban shaman selling sweat lodges to bored suburbanites with made-up Native American names, these authors are neo-colonialists appropriating others' cultures in a dishonest, opportunistic, and disrespectful manner.
The fact that one of these authors is a person of color makes it even more sad and offensive. Sir, I reccomend you read the book "Everything But The Burden" by Greg Tate or "Karma Cola" by Gita Mehta. As you get used to more intellectually challenging material, you can attempt to read Edward Said's "Orientalism" and "Culture and Imperialism".
I am no right wing hippie hater. I an ultraliberal Indian-American from an ancient Hindu family.
Continued.
We are blessed in the West to have had a huge range of experiences available to us, especially the last several generations. The results of easy travel to other cultures, transformational 'medicines', open speech,science advancements, incredible educational opportunities, personal growth education, literature, video, the Internet - all of it leads to the average person being a thousand times more sophisticated, educated and aware of the world and their place in it than even two hundred years ago let alone 5,000. Some of us are ready for whatever form 'Tantra' will take because, well, we're ready. Ready for the responsibilities it calls us to. And the pleasure, the growth, the shadow, the transformation, the ecstasy, the EVERYTHING.
Thanks, Susie, for your extensive contribution to the topic of Tantra here. It's great to hear your voice and getting your clarifying input. I appreciate your partnership in bringing light to what Tantra is all about!
Much love to you, Elsbeth
Oh, what to say? Everyone is SO attached to their own version, vision or opinion.
Truth is, Tantra is everything we do and it is a life long commitment to growth, ever deeper understanding, practice, awareness, wondering, transforming, consciousness - all the things that are so difficult in Western society to grok, let alone begin to practice.
Sex is used as a gateway to consciousness for the Western population. Some will get it and most will not. A few will make it the truly life-long commitment it is. But sex is a valid beginning. Yes, it is fraught with danger, but what better way to really learn than through experience. And there lies the key - learning. Learning to integrate body, mind, brain, spirit, action, lust, love, commitment, integrity, family, evolution, practice, kindness, consciousness - in the spirit of transforming not only the individual but the universal. I am not separate from the tree outside my window, nor the window. We would be in a lot better situation globally if we understood this.
The Dalai Lama (quoted a lot here!) has said that Buddhism is most alive in America precisely because it is being examined and transformed. It is alive. That is the true importance of the neo-Tantric movement in the West and if it is our experiences with our sexuality that are hopefully changing too then we can be thankful that we are alive and growing.
Continued.
I believe that life is for the living and death is for something greater in the here after, sex while important, is not a 1# on my list and I love me some good sex!!!.
I'm, a black man, who can think pass my private parts, but for the most part, I'm expected, to be something I'm not...A man whore!!.
To me your spirituality, is the true you!!!,It's who you truly are when nobody's around!! it's about what you believe in and not about what you tell most people!!!
Sex is carnal, like food, IMPORTANT,but can be delayed!!! and must be enjoyed, and celebrated when possible, but not ESSENTIAL, to whom you really are, unless you have some social issue!!!, that we don't know about.
The spirit, that you are grooming, builds character(it should) and Builds your self worth, that nobody can take away from you. Sex can lead to anything, especially, if you have hidden issues!!! but should be enjoyed like a sporting event or whatever the equivalent, means to you.
I learned early on, that sex can be enjoyed by anybody!!!!!!!! and depending how far you are willing to go, can be exciting as anything, you can imagine.
I'm straight, have dated women of many races, intilect, and religions,and taste, we have one thing in common, we DO WHAT WE ENJOY THE MOST AND WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO KEEP IT GOING!!!!
Lots of comments to this post. Some object to a connection between sex & spirituality, others are concerned that the teachings presented here aren't pure Tantra. At the end of the day, or the year, or the lifetime, what matters most is that we have loved. Even the Dalai Lama has said that life is about experiencing happiness. If we can find ways to bring more love and happiness into relationships by drawing on some principles of ancient wisdom, so much the better for all of us.
I have huge respect for those who delve deeply into powerful spiritual traditions. Yet perhaps it is in the light-hearted yet meaningful sharing of principles from those ancient traditions, that their value is further increased and maintained.
Oddly, the spiritual training most pertinent to my leading Intimacy Retreats for couples is twelve years of daily training in Aikido. Yes, a martial art, and yes, Aikido is indeed more about spiritual awakening than about fighting. And no, Aikido is not about sex. (It’s a martial art, not a marital art!) One thing I learned in Aikido is that when my partner…
NOTE: The comment I wrote for here was too long to post. To read the rest of what I wrote, please see www.cli.gs
So fabulous, Diane, to have your comment embellish the message that Freddy Zental and I are bringing here to HuffPost's readers. Thanks for being there.
Elsbeth
If I want self realization, the last thing I need is a good sex partner.
Good sex is mostly good chemistry. It has nothing to do with spirituality. If you are really spiritual, kiss great sex good bye!
I think you need more fiber in your diet.
Damn cartesian. Frack off with your mind/body separation.
I'm one of the old wrinkly ones who has achieved a higher level of spirituality and intimacy with my partner. And didn't have to read books or blogs to learn how to reach our goals.
You don't have to be a 20 something to have great sex.
Thanks, Pat, for sharing about your beautiful experiences with your partner. So delighted that you hav e been able to create this in your life!
Thanks for your comment, Elsbeth
While it is true we tend to compartmentalize too much in the West, this notion that other cultures have "secrets" that render our day-to-day sex lame is, ironically, just another example of American marketing and Old World self-righteousness ("you are incomplete - this is what you are missing").
I am sure one can learn a trick here and there but nothing, NOTHING, qualitatively different than we already possess (there's nothing in the Kama Sutra an adventurous couple wouldn't already know). I used to buy into this whole munbo-jumbo in my 20s, until I realized that:
a) Sex is most pleasurable when it is an act of complete freedom and self-expression
and
b) Whatever potential for a sense of ultimacy in sex (or anything else) is not beholden to any one practice, meditation or creed. Even the nuns at my sister's strict Catholic high school had religious tips to ready them for marriage.
Sex is pleasure through self-expression and freedom among two consenting adults. Euphoric, spiritual and loving lovemaking when you feel you touch the edge of the universe is not necessarily more enjoyable than a playful triple x throwdown.
To gain the pain-relief benefit of acupuncture you aren't required to buy into their absurd medaeval notions of ''vital energy flows'.
To gain the dietary benefits of a vegetarian diet you don't have to ascribe to some exotic Hindu or Socratic beliefs.
To be an ethical inividual you don't need to follow some particular biblical dogma.
And also, to have a well rounded, satisfying sensual life you don't NEED to buy into the associated superstitious mumbo-jumbo.
As a practioner of Tibetan Buddhism i am stunned at what your doing to a relgious practice. take some of this some of that make it something else. opening up the central channel too quickly can lead to severe aniexty. there is a reason we do things within its own time and not push. just doing tantra which 99.9% is not sexual will do more for your sex life because your mind is getting right. americans want everything now, we need to slow down. if this makes print i will die of shock. but i will come back so its not too bad.
See Ed and Deb Shapiro's Profile
Dr. Elsbeth Meuth and Freddy Zental Weaver
Founders, TantraNova Institute
Pema is right. You are totally off course. Listen and pay attention you are misled and misleadng others!
And you are saying you are a Dr. what n the world does that have to do with TANTRA
take heed!
Swami Brahmananda Paramahamsa
Dear Ed and Deb - Thank you for your contribution of bringing greater awareness to meditation through your blog on HuffPost. Yes, your work is at the core of being at peace, happy and feeling whole and well. Through my own practice of meditation I have shifted my life - so glad that you are bringing your work to the world.
Freddy Zental's and my intention for our work and writings is to bring awareness to all dimensions of our being: The spiritual, intellectual, emotional and physical/sexual. Bringing consciousness to our sexual self and how to channel that energy is so important for creating deeper peace and joy within oneself and in the world. The misunderstanding of that energy has produced so much aberration, obsession or suppression. Healing and education is needed to shift that condition
We support you and your work and look forward to continue learning from you.
Elsbeth
Dear Pema - thanks for your sharing about Tibetan Buddhism. I totally resonate with what you are saying about the practice and that connecting with one's spiritual Self is the foundation for coming back to integration and wholeness within and the universe. Cultivating one's practice of "Right Hand Tantra" is required to truly enter the realm of "Left Hand Tantra".
Thanks for your contribution to this conversation. With much appreciation, Elsbeth
Just saw "Tantric" in Pittsburgh on Tuesday and they were gr8!
Good band with a fun name.
Difficult but worth it life strategy.
MARRIAGE SEX AND ROMANCE
Some other time, I’m not in the mood
Why cant we just cuddle and watch TV
When couples drift into the celibate zone
It’s not long till someone will flee.
Sexual fulfillment helps preserve love
Parenthood, marriage and self-esteem.
Those who maintain it avoid saying no
To be blessed by its pleasure and gleam.
While dating we tend to be more romantic
Putting forth the best of our charms.
Sharing dinners, long walks and lustful weekends
As we spend more time in each others arms.
How many times have you said “not tonight”
Exposing your happy home to harm?
Today’s crushing deadlines leave little time for love
Leaving partners with sorrow, sadness and alarm.
So share one another with red wine and time
Dial your own number and leave the phone off the hook.
Enjoy some romance, sex and laughter
Improving your mood and the way you look.
By Conservative Poet
Tom Zart
Most Published Poet
On The Web
Very nice.
Thank you so much, MArgon, for your acknowledgment.
Truer words ....
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