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Parenting: The Lost Art of Play

Posted: 12/16/10 09:19 AM ET

Play is becoming a dinosaur in the lives of children in 21st century America. According to studies, school-age children's playtime decreased by 25 percent and older children's playtime by 45 percent between 1981 and 1997. Unstructured outdoor activities also declined by 50 percent. Between school, homework, organized youth sports -- which is no longer real play -- music and dance lessons, and other structured activities, children are just too busy to play these days. Children have also lost the ability to play. With increasing frequency, children's play now involves sitting in front of a video-game console, television, or computer, which isn't play at all.

Where Did Play Go?

Many parents have lost sight of the value of play, seeing it as a distraction from their children's efforts in school. They don't understand the essential role that play has in their children's over-all development. Play has been found to:

  • Foster creativity and imagination.
  • Encourage cognitive, emotional and social skills.
  • Cultivate initiative and independence.
  • Promote problem solving and decision making.
  • Teach emotional control.
  • Further cooperation with others.
  • Develop motor coordination, enhance physical health and fight obesity.
  • Help improve grades.

Schools also contribute to the problem by increasing class and study time and reducing the amount of free time at school. For example, the Atlanta school system dropped recess altogether from its school day. Contrary to the views held by many schools, periodic breaks actually help children's academic efforts. Breaks relieve stress, refresh and stimulate the mind, release pent-up energy, increase interest and improve attention. And remember how fun it was during recess when you were young?

Home Entertainment Centers are a Culprit

The decline in children's play has coincided with the growing popularity of home-entertainment centers. In previous generations, families had a den with a television or a rec room. Backyards were the real entertainment centers, where children climbed on monkey bars, played wiffle ball and tag, and just ran around having fun. The "playgrounds" of today are frequently indoors and centered around electronic media. And today a television and stereo are simply not enough. Thirty-two percent of households now have home-theater systems and these entertainment centers have become the center of family activities. Children no longer have any incentive to play and entertain themselves.

Play Dates: A Necessary Evil?

One of the saddest developments in twenty-first-century family life is the play date, in which parents schedule a time during the week in which a group of children are brought together to play. These events are not only scheduled, but also often highly programmed by adults. This phenomenon is a horrible symptom of the runaway-train life in which families are so overscheduled that free time may soon become extinct. The emergence of the play date also reflects the loss of community in which families now live -- where neighbors often don't know each other -- and the disrepair or disappearance of playgrounds and parks.

The play date is also an outgrowth of parents' concern for their children's safety. This unease is legitimate for many parents who live in neighborhoods in which predatory adults are present and security is a real issue. However, for most parents, this fear is frequently unjustified. Not surprisingly, popular culture has played a significant role in parents' excessive anxiety about their children's safety. Because local and national news organizations are now profit driven, they focus on sensationalistic news, often child molestations, kidnappings and murders. In previous generations, the stories of children who were victims of crime would have never been heard by most parents across the country. But today, with the growth of 24-hour cable news channels and local news stations hungry for ratings, these tragic stories, however rare, are now trumpeted nationally. As a result, parents have developed a inaccurate perception of their children's safety assuming that, because child-related crime is so present in the media, it must occur frequently. The reality is, however, that America has never been safer for children. The incidence of crime against children and the general population has been in decline for the last decade. Of course, you should take reasonable precautions to safeguard your children, but you shouldn't let unfounded fear prevent them from experiencing the essential value of play.

What Can Parents Do?

There is hope for your children though. Children can be effectively weaned off of television and DVD watching and videogames and, in the process, learn to play again. Here are some recommendations:

  • Limit the amount of time your children can spend watching TV or playing videogames.
  • Help them find alternatives to watching television.
  • Encourage them to read.
  • Ensure that your children have time for unstructured play (if play dates are a necessary evil, schedule them, then disappear).
  • Leave them to their own devices, with little input from you or popular culture.

With these opportunities that you offer your children, you can be confident that they are gaining the cognitive, emotional, social, and physical benefits of play. And don't forget the main reason children should have plenty of playtime: it's fun! Though it may be a challenge in the seemingly nonstop world in which we live, you should do everything you can to allow your children to play with their friends spontaneously and freely as often as possible.

 
 
 

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05:13 PM on 12/22/2010
I don't understand the criticism of the "play date" or how it can possibly be "sad" -- it is the same thing that has always been going on under a different name. Your best friend comes to your house and you play. What's the problem?

What seems to be missing in your criticism of parents today is the reality that in most families both parents are working -- because mom went to work, the kids have to go to scheduled activities instead of putzing around the house with mom in the kitchen. And this is why the best friend coming over is now a "play date" -- because mom and dad have to find time in their work schedules to make it happen.

Life is not all bad now. Stop with the criticism and live a little.
03:42 PM on 12/22/2010
"In previous generations, the stories of children who were victims of crime would have never been heard by most parents across the country. ... The reality is, however, that America has never been safer for children."

While I agree with the general premise of the article, I strongly disagree with this, especially with respect to children being victims of sexual predators. You cannot blame the 24 hour news cycle on the increased paranoia on this one. Instead, I think the culprit here is that victims are coming forward in greater numbers. Years ago, you didn't say anything about the fact that Uncle Fred molested you. Or, if you did, it was a quiet family secret. Now, hopefully, your parents have taught you to say something and Uncle Fred is a Registered Sex Offender.

1 in 4 girls is likely to be sexually molested, 1 in 5 boys. The most likely predators are family members.

Say what you want about letting your kids run around outside, but the 24 hours news cycle hasn't ramped up the number of sex predators. It's only made them more visible.
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thinkingwomanmillstone
My life is microbiodegradable.
08:14 AM on 12/22/2010
I once took a group of kids I worked with to a park. I took along a bag of balls, bats, jump ropes, etc. and then sat on a bench to make sure they were safe. I offered no suggestions....just told them to have fun. They had no clue how to play. I took them once a week for several months. It took a few tries but they did learn to run and throw and hit and organize a team and explore the trees and talk and exercise without knowing it. As a recreational therapist, I knew the value of pure play.
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Lisa Shields
Poet & Advocate For Special Needs Children
02:11 PM on 12/19/2010
Amen.

Children are not white bread...they do not require "enriched" play.
This has been a truth for almost two decades.
When my daughter was a baby, the parents were all about "educational" play.
My family was all about "Kids don't need your concepts...they play fine, left on their own."

My daughter played, read...all the boring, usual stuff.
She is now in college...a delightful 19 year old doing brilliantly, with a good heart, a fine mind, and a lively imagination...which she uses to write in her spare time.

I should mention that she is also a gamer. She spends time writing, but she manages her "gaming" time to fit with her other interests.

Parents? Let your kids be kids. They know more about than we have forgotten!
10:03 AM on 12/18/2010
Wonderful article! Let your kids play and play often!!! Turn off all the electronic gizmos and get them outside! Play with them, or just sit and watch....it's really amazing when left alone, the ideas they can come up with! Play board games with them and read to them when they are babies. Encourage their imaginations! Yes, adults need play too.......put down the cell phone, quit watching tv (I did a year ago and haven't missed one minute of it!) limit computer time, read more books! Life is an on going learning experience, let your mind grow...........and more important, set the example for your children.
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docbets
04:22 AM on 12/18/2010
Yes. Thank you for bringing this back to people's attention. Most parents are making a mistake in thinking that because children need some supervision, they also need direction and management. They do NOT.

Through playing with each other, they learn and develop social skills, negotiate peace and justice, develop many cognitive skills, etc.
01:56 PM on 12/17/2010
Great article! In the push of our current world view of more-sooner-faster-better, we've forgotten what we know to be true and recent science has proved repeatedly- children need to play! and not with hovering adults managing them in formalized settings. Free play enhances not only physical body, but all that neuron-connecting-brain development that is necessary for the future adult to be able to solve all the complex problems our world has to offer. I am desperately hoping that schools will consider going back to a play- based early childhood and kindergarten program. (Waldorf Education is one model that offers a play-centered early-childhood program) Play is good for your health.Children need to play, adults do too!!
01:40 PM on 12/17/2010
Adults need play, too. Whether it's making artwork, putting together a puzzle, playing an impromptu basketball game, whatever, we all need to play. Lack of play makes us grumpy, tired, overly sensitive, paranoid, and unhappy. Letting the mind wander now and then, focusing on something other than work, politics, money and other "problems" can help facilitate solutions and a sense of balance. Kids thrive when they can run around, explore, argue with each other, exercise without structure, and pretend. So do we.
01:20 AM on 12/17/2010
The American child of the 21st century is doomed. His parents fail to teach him respect, substitue real creative play and exercise with endless electronic and media entertainment and inactivity, and hyper-protect him from any form of character-building adversity. We are raising the most wimpy, disrespectful, and creatively-bankrupt generation in American history.
11:29 PM on 12/16/2010
I think that the future of our country will be greatly enhanced if people can be more creative. Too much structure in such things as learning and play lessen creative impulses. Too much TV can help deaden both imagination and creative impulses. Ones mind can't think outside the box if it is locked inside a box of excess conformity. New inventions and designs are not likely to come from unimaginative minds.
11:15 PM on 12/16/2010
As it should be. People should stop wasting time and simply be productive.
11:07 PM on 12/16/2010
Tonight my 3 1/2 year daughter was introduced to the concept of super-girl. With only a towel and a few good lifts from daddy, her body and her imagination has taken flight. Who knows where this discussion will lead, but judging by the ever downward spiraling dribble that is television, I only hope that more more parents are getting their children acquainted with their super selfs.
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GetACluepeople
Because "common sense" is very uncommon!
09:24 PM on 12/16/2010
Most kids probably don't have ADD or even Aspergers...they just don't get to PLAY! When I was a kid a bag of plastic soldiers...plastics trucks and the back yard and you didn't see me all day and my wife she could play with Barbies all day...maybe it also had to do with only 5 count em TV channels that came on at 5am with the Farm & Ranch report starting the day!
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thinkingwomanmillstone
My life is microbiodegradable.
08:18 AM on 12/22/2010
hog futures started the day and Johnny and the Star Spangled Banner ended it. I guess we were more deprived than you, we had 3 channels.
09:11 PM on 12/16/2010
Play is alive and well in my home thank you very much. I'm not going to miss that rewarding time with my kids to watch a bunch of drug addled narcissists try to entertain me while they throw a commercial in my face every seven minutes.
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HighSierra1981
Is there no sanity left?
09:09 PM on 12/16/2010
I can't wait till I have children! I'll definitely have play time!
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docbets
04:24 AM on 12/18/2010
Oh, the play time s for THEM.
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thinkingwomanmillstone
My life is microbiodegradable.
08:19 AM on 12/22/2010
Nah, it's for both baby and parents.