If 50 is the new 30, and 60 is the new 40, then is it too far fetched to assume that 70 is the new 50?
Instead of celebrating my 70th birthday fast approaching, HuffPost reader Pratitya recently suggested that instead I call it "the 40th anniversary of my 30th birthday." While it's tempting to consider skirting the reality of the number of years I've spent on the planet, something is calling me to face it head on -- no cute little euphemisms about "70 being the new 50," etc. I think it's time to call a spade a spade.
While today's 70 year old is nothing like the 70 year olds of my parents' generation, there is no mistaking the fact that by any measure, turning 70 marks the beginning of a whole new territory in life, one we used to call "old age." Funny though, except for those rare occasions when I've completely overdone it on the physical plane, I rarely feel "old."
But what is "old" exactly? And what does it mean to be 70 in a society that worships youthfulness and people strive to maintain it at all costs?
Does turning 70 mean that it's time to give up on living? Does it mean losing interest in the things that have heretofore been the source of passion and aliveness? Does it mean that we're swept into the corner, left to gather mold and dust until we finally fade away? What the heck is this aging business all about anyway?
I can only tell you this: From my own perspective here on the threshold of this new territory, like everything else in life, getting older is exactly what we tell ourselves it is, no more and no less. If we buy into the cultural stereotype of aging, then it probably means all of the above and we will march in lock step straight to the rocking chair of life and promptly fall fast asleep.
But it doesn't have to be this way. I believe we can age gracefully, not fighting or denying the fact, take a turn in the rocking chair, put our feet up and take a little time out. At 70, one has earned regular time outs. But that doesn't mean setting up camp there and falling asleep! The rocking chair is a well-deserved respite, but notice that for it to do what it was designed to do, it must be kept in motion. And so must we. "A rolling stone gathers no moss," and all that sort of thing.
Staying in motion means more than just remaining physically active, although doing so is critical for us elders. Getting older also means learning to appreciate this stage of life as a new adventure. There is still much to be discovered! This time of life offers up a whole new possibility for learning and engaging in creative expression.
But only if we get our minds wrapped around it. One can do pretty much anything if we get our minds "right." You and I know this to be true, and navigating old age is no different.
To be sure, there is a new curriculum awaiting us at this threshold. Based on my own experience and that of others I know who are at this stage of life, one can expect to be given plenty of opportunities to let go of what is no longer necessary for the journey ahead. That can end up looking like loss on many levels, and depending upon how we frame it, loss can either be freeing or be the source of suffering. Ask me how I know!
Think about how you define yourself today. Who are you? Someday, your answer to that question will begin to shift and you will find yourself in a somewhat nebulous place of uncertainty, after a lifetime of thinking you were one thing, only to discover that identity no longer fits. Someday, you will reach a point where you're no longer your title or your job description. You might still be somebody's wife or husband, mother or father, but in the final analysis, is that who you really are?
Are we defined by our relationships? By the people we love? By our good works? By our mistakes? By our misgivings, fears, or regrets? How does one's identity morph over a lifetime? And how do we let go of what no longer fits and remain open, trusting, loving, engaged, connected, and passionate about life while waiting to discover who we are in this new moment?
It strikes me that I'm not only talking about the aging process. A friend recently shared her experience of moving back to the States after living abroad for over a year. She didn't appreciate how much of a process it would be to make this transition. She thought she would just pick up where she left off, that family relationships would resume as before. What she didn't anticipate was that life moves on and people change. Now she's feeling challenged to cope with the gap between where her mind thought she would be now and where she actually is.
This is the human story, whether we're young or old. Life keeps on moving and so must we. At age 70, I appreciate more than ever all the years I've put in at the gym keeping fit and strong, so that today, I can keep on moving, physically and in consciousness. I appreciate more than ever my lifelong devotion to learning, my sometimes "terminal" curiosity about people and what makes them come alive. I appreciate the little girl that still lives in me who always wants to know and see what's beyond the bend in the road and committed to figuring out a way to get there.
I am deeply grateful that my younger self had the courage to wade into the deep waters of consciousness, even though it wasn't easy or comfortable at times. She is the one who now keeps me awake, along with a community of kindred spirits like you, my friends and family, and those important teachers and mentors who've helped me stay on the path.
Growing up in the '40s and '50s my fantasies about life were inspired by Hollywood romance movies and "Father Knows Best." My life doesn't look like either, but frankly, I prefer reality, warts and all. Remember the warts from our last discussion? Well at 70, they take on new meaning. Just wait and see.
My thanks to you, dear readers, for coming to this watering hole most every week for nearly four years and for sharing this amazing journey of discovery. I plan on sticking around for at least another 20, so stay tuned, as I send back postcards from this new frontier.
I'd love to hear your perspectives on aging or any other thoughts that strike you from this discussion. Please leave your comments here and/or come pay a visit to my personal blog and website at Rx For The Soul. You can reach me by email at judith@judithrich.com. I'd love to hear from you personally!
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Blessings on the path.
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Stephen Barrie, ND: Fountain of Youth Is Closer
Ellie Knaus: This Is Only the Beginning: Surprising Advice From a Centenarian
Christiane Northrup, MD: Wisdom From 'The Wisdom of Menopause'
Rhoda P. Curtis: What We Learn as We Age
It seems all those birthdays may be making you happy - Los Angeles ...
Celebrating Birthdays | Psychology Today
Frenchwomen's Secrets to Aging Well - NYTimes.com
I have spent 79 years becoming who I am. I am grateful for all of it, especially the growth in consciousness that continues with the help of the Master.
Blessings, Thomas
Happy Birthday!! Better yet, have a happy 70th year! And by all means, keep dipping into your bucket of experience and wisdom to share with us; to slake our thirst for a refreshing taste of sincerity and love.
In the balance, I feel you are the one giving the best present, and I am only trying to keep up. So, thanks and have a piece of cake for me!
All my love, and have a fine day!
Lawson
I sincerely believe that it is who am the biggest receiver in this exchange. You are the outward expression of the limitless abundance and creativity that is present in this space of community.
I had the best birthday ever yesterday, culminating in an amazing party, given by my daughters, with my closest friends and family there to help me cross this new threshold.
I am beyond blessed! Thanks to you and to everyone here for helping to make it so.
All my love,
Judith
I too will be 70 soon. I don't look it and I don't feel it but I find this age to be disturbing. A friend and I were discussing this recently - 70 invokes a limit of time for our lives. It may be 5 years or 20 years but we can see "an end" more clearly than at any other age.
We do in fact need to make every day count and determing what is important to us and "who we are".
This caught my attention: "... one can expect to be given plenty of opportunities to let go of what is no longer necessary for the journey ahead. That can end up looking like loss on many levels, and depending upon how we frame it, loss can either be freeing or be the source of suffering"
This is something I am struggling with both mentally, spiritually, and physically and am hoping it will be freeing. But I haven't lost my sense of humor - I think, Gee if I were hit by a car while crossing the street the headline would say: Elderly Woman Hit By Car - moi..... :-)
Thanks for more thoughts on this topic.
Carol
You're right, this age definitely confronts us with the reality that there is much less of the road left ahead than there is behind. But this awareness only serves to make the remaining time more precious - not in a clingy way - but in a "no kidding", make every moment count, kind of way, as you say.
As for me, I find no joy in looking back and commiserating about the past. It came, it taught, and now allow it to move on and out so that what is new and now can have its turn as teacher.
I'm sure there will be much more to say on this subject, for it's not only about aging, it's about living every day to the fullest. Come to think of it, we're all "aging"! Some of us just have a head start over others.
Stay tuned, my dear. There is more where this came from! And Happy 70th to you!
Many blessings,
Judith
I hope you're loving that remaining sibling with all that you have. And consider this: there are people in your life who could be your "chosen" family if you opened to that possibility. Perhaps this space where loss lives also contains the possibility of love and connection. In that, you will find the reason to go on. Don't orphan yourself now. Stay close to the hearth (the inner one) and you will find more reasons to live. Your life is now and that's all there is. Live it. Now.
Sending you healing and love,
Judith
That is my oversight.
Also faved.
"[s]tillness as movement and contemplation as action. . . it is the only important thing, all else is scenery."
Indeed. well stated.
Namaste
Just noticed your micro-bio..... love it!
Many blessings Arith,
Judith
What a great piece! Probably the one thing I’ve noticed as I’ve gotten older has been my shift toward a more subjective approach to life. During my younger years I was often too busy focusing on specific tasks and goals to take notice of the world unfolding before my eyes. Now, I’m much more content to observe and appreciate what really matters in order to cultivate a more meaningful life. Just yesterday morning I saw a flock of geese flying above, gracing me with their presence as they made their way home. It then dawned on me that in years past they would have escaped my notice all together, yet now I treasure these moments. I guess it all comes down to how we choose to see things.
Here’s a little gem of a poem by Mary Oliver called “Look and See”:
"This morning, at the waterside, a sparrow flew
to a water rock and landed, by error, on the back
of an eider duck; it fluttered off amused.
The duck, too, was not provoked, but, you might say, was
laughing.
This afternoon a gull sailing over
our house was casually scratching
its stomach of white feathers with one
pink foot as it flew.
Oh Lord, how shining and festive is your gift to us, if we
only look, and see."
Wishing you a very Happy 70th Birthday, and many, many more – we’ll be thinking about you this weekend!
Treasuring you,
Sharon
Don't you just love Mary Oliver? She is one of my favorites. And this poem (thank you so much for sharing it) so speaks the truth to me. And so do you, my dear. This is what makes sticking around for 20 more (or ???) years seem so compelling. I don't want to miss a thing!
Or as Mary Oliver says in When Death Comes:
When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was a bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
When it's over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened
or full of argument.
I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.
Looking up, watching geese, filled with wonder, grateful heart, peaceful mind. Life is good.
Appreciating you,
Judith
Thank you for this article.
Who am I?
I keep reflecting upon the response that Adi Shankara gave to his guru at the age of eight.
He was orphaned and having no more of a home life wondered far away from his birthplace in the state of Kerala to the base of the Himalayas. It was there that he found his teacher who asked him this simple question, "Who are you?" His reply is known as the Nirvana Shatakam.
The first stanza in English goes like this:
"I am not mind, intellect, ego and the memory.
I am not the sense of organs(ears, tongue, nose, eyes and skin).
I am not the five elements ( sky or ether, earth,
light or fire, the wind and the water)."
The refrain for each stanza is
"Chidananda rupa shivoham shivoham
I am supreme bliss and pure consciousness, I am Shiva,"
from:
http://www.desitip.com/servlet/drenderer?sel=nirvanaShatakam
He defines what he is not and then proclaims his higher self.
Shiva is a divine name and means goodness.
I bow to you with hands clasped.
Satyam Shivam Sunderam
Truth Goodness Beauty
Beautiful! And thank you. I am touched and honored to receive your acknowledgment.
Many blessings,
Judith
I hear you, I see you and I "get" you! And I'll tell you...... with that kind of fire still left in your belly, any man (or woman for that matter) would be blessed to be looking down on your long and wild crown of white hair in the heat of passion or any time.
Yay you! I celebrate you as your newest fan,
Judith
Can’t go around it.
Can’t go over it.
You have to go through it!
I gave a younger coworker some private advice. After she walked away, I asked myself in amazement, “where did that come from? ” Having to give some thought to my question, I thought back to when I was 34. With that came, that at 34 I did not know or couldn’t have known what I advised. And advice like that had to be experienced or observed. So, the notion that age is just a number is far too simple.
I’m looking forward to your 70th. We’ll celebrate it like it was my own.
You are a treat! Much love,
Judith
Can’t go around it.
Can’t go over it.
You have to go through it!
I gave a younger coworker some private advice. After she walked away, I asked myself in amazement, “where did that come from? ” Having to give some thought to my question, I though back to when I was 34. With that came, that at 34 I did not know or couldn’t have known what I advised. And that advice had to be experienced or observed. So, the notion that age is just a number is far too simple.
I’m looking forward to your 70th. We’ll celebrate it like it was my own.
Who am I? I've always wondered as I aged as others tried to tell me who I was since my earliest recollections and I constantly rejected them out of hand. Now I know who I am not and every year, sometimes every other day or week, my opinion changes but frankly I don't think that's important any more.
I am living now and with each experience i get fine-tuned for want of a better description. BOttom line - I love whoever I am right at this moment and for me that's all that counts.
Cheers
Catherine
You are so right..... now IS all that matters. Someday, all those "nows" will get together and have a convention and share about the amazing life you lived.
You are so blessed!
With love and appreciation,
Judith
May this be a great year for you!
Our love
Deb & Ed
My deep gratitude for the gift of your love,
Judith
You wrote: "Who are you? Someday, your answer to that question will begin to shift and you will find yourself in a somewhat nebulous place of uncertainty, after a lifetime of thinking you were one thing, only to discover that identity no longer fits."
I used to race motocross against a guy (let's call him Huck) in the 70s. He was a fast, tough rider back then, who decided he would never slow down, never ride smarter instead of harder. For 40 years, he took every risk, jumped every jump and approached every race as if it was a Crusade. He enjoyed that approach to the sport and was a fun, gregarious guy, but I’d watch him ride and think he really, really needs to dial it back a notch or two. And then last November he missed a jump, hit his chest on the handlebars when he fell, and passed away. He was 61 years old, and he never stopped riding like a 21 year old.
When we're younger, strength and vitality are a big part of our identity. As we age, we find that wisdom, patience and serenity replace those, and we're richer for it. You know this better than anyone, but my birthday wish is that you continue to embrace your age and appreciate the gifts it brings, in a society that hasn't always taught us the infinite value of those gifts.
It's great to see you here and to be in the energy of your kindness and compassion. I shall carry your birthday wish with me and receive in with deep gratitude for knowing you.
Sending love to you and Sharon,
Judith
I go to the free day at the zoo. Stay away from the 'posh' folks. Look for shade to take a walk in, and remember my friends who have passed, who would be looking for all the signs of spring right now. So I walk with them in my heart, grateful for having known them.
Thanks so much for your comment. You remind us of what really matters in life. It always comes down to the simple things and the most profound of all is the grateful heart you carry. It is your greatest gift and nothing can take it away.
I will walk with you in my heart this day, grateful that you've shared your experiences here, and touched by your honesty. Know that you are not alone.......
Abundant blessings to you,
Judith