Elizabeth Edwards And Us: Lessons In Resilience

Elizabeth Edwards' new memoir, Resilience, is about to be released in a few days. Her publisher, Broadway Books, says Edwards has written "an unsentimental and ultimately inspirational meditation on the gifts we can find among life's biggest challenges."

If anyone is qualified to write on life's biggest challenges, it's Elizabeth. Her life has been filled with them: the loss of her 16-year-old son, Wade, in a tragic car accident, her long battle with metastatic breast cancer, now terminal, and the tearing apart of her 32-year-marriage to former presidential candidate, John Edwards, after he admitted an extra-marital affair with Rielle Hunter while still denying paternity of Hunter's child.

According to her memoir, John's admission of the affair "made her cry, scream and throw up." She appears on Oprah tomorrow to discuss her book and their life together since the affair.

Elizabeth Edwards is more than just a victim in this story. She's also a powerful champion for women's health care and cancer issues and reforming the health care system. This is where my story intersects with hers. I just became one of the 200,000 women who will be diagnosed with breast cancer this year.

Last week, in my post: 100 Day Plan For Creating Extraordinary Results, I left out one important detail, one that we can never quite plan for. It arrived on my plate later in the week though, to remind me: there are the plans we make for our lives and then there's life's plan for us. It's the latter that we can never quite know or be sure of, which is what makes this place so tricky to navigate.

My yearly mammogram, done a couple of weeks ago, produced something "suspicious", which warranted a second look. The second look warranted a biopsy. And then the wait for the phone call.

The call came last Monday, "Well the good news is, you don't have invasive cancer," the doctor said. I waited for the "but" I knew was coming next. "You do have non-invasive "abnormal cells" (she didn't use the "C" word), which could become invasive, and will need to be treated." She then went on to describe my options for treatment and gave me the phone numbers of an oncologist and breast surgeon and told me to schedule consultations.

Wait! An oncologist? That's a cancer doc. This was not in my plan! Let me see, for the Health category, I did not include a visit to the oncologist nor did I plan to see a breast surgeon. Surely, this must be somebody else's biopsy that got mixed up with mine. Cancer was definitely not in my 100 Day Plan.

I began a dialogue with Big Mama. "Look", I said. "She didn't actually use the word "cancer", so maybe this is a false positive. I shouldn't worry, right?"

Big Mama was silent. She was probably busy handling other things, like the swine flu pandemic, and global warming. Guess I was going to have to figure this one out for myself. Google. That's it. I'll Google this puppy and find out what we're talking about.

I wrote in the letters "DCIS" in the search window. I'd never heard of this condition before. Perhaps some of you have had it or know of someone who has, but it was new to me. A search produced 609,000 results, all of them cancer related. Sites like the Mayo Clinic, National Institute of Health, Breastcancer.org all came up. Thus began my journey down a turn in the road I didn't anticipate or plan for in my 100 Day Plan.

DCIS - Ductal Carcinoma In Situ- for those of you, especially the females reading this, who haven't heard of this before, is a form of breast cancer. "In Situ" means encapsulated. These guys are stuck in the lactation ducts and not going anywhere. Yet.

I've been told by numerous people, including my doctors regarding this diagnosis, "If you have to have cancer, this is the kind to have." Apparently, I'm one of the lucky ones. We've caught it early and it's very treatable. Sounds simple, right? Not quite. The options for treatment are varied, each carrying significant factors to be weighed.

A visit to the oncologist, Dr. Usha Sunkara, produced more information. The jury is out whether or not all breast cancer begins "in situ" and then morphs into metastatic cancer, or whether it's in a category all by itself. But for sure, the guys stuck in my ducts could become restless, stage a jail-break and start roaming around looking for new territory to inhabit.

We discussed treatment options, none of which sounded like a walk in the park. Most often, depending on the size of the area to be excised and whether or not the surgeon can get a one inch "clear margin" all the way around the area, lumpectomy followed by radiation and tamoxifen therapy is the standard protocol for treating DCIS.

I'd already done my research and knew the radiation path involved six weeks of treatment, five times a week. That alone sounded daunting to me.

My mind wandered while she explained my options. Good thing my friend was with me to take notes. I envisioned myself on the daily trek to the hospital for radiation treatments. The visit to the oncologist's office was depressing enough. I still hadn't quite grokked what was happening to me. Sitting in the waiting room with all the really old, sick people, it felt like I was watching a movie about someone else's life.

My attention snapped back when I heard the oncologist say, "In addition to the radiation, you'll need to take tamoxifen for five years." Tamoxifen, I learned, is an anti-estrogen hormone, designed to suppress the estrogen receptor cells and safe guard against the cancer returning or migrating to the other breast.

Then began the litany of potential side effects: clotting and elevated risk for strokes and heart disease, vaginal bleeding, hot flashes, mood swings, leg pain, worst of all, uterine cancer. I was liking this scenario less and less.

"So, doc," I asked this 40-year-old, stunningly beautiful Indian woman, "What are the other options? I'm not excited about what you've laid out so far."

"Well," she said. "You can have a simple mastectomy, uni-lateral or bi-lateral, with or without breast reconstruction and be done with it." My mind was now fast-forwarding, picturing myself with no breasts, or ones that don't remotely resemble the ones I've lived with for 67 years. Maybe I'd end up with ones I liked better, but getting from here to there didn't sound like it was going to be a picnic.

Then I asked her the $64,000 question. "If you were faced with my exact diagnosis, knowing what you know about the treatment options available, what would you choose for yourself?"

Her answer stunned me. "I'd have the bi-lateral mastectomies and be done with it," she replied without hesitation. Turns out many other female health care professionals I've spoken with since share her opinion.

Obviously, there are a lot of things to weigh and consider in deciding what to do next, and the jury is still out for me. Treating cancer is not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. Every women who faces this diagnosis needs to do her homework, get informed, listen to her own inner wisdom and decide what course of action is right for her.

If nothing else, this event is a reminder that life occurs on its own terms. We have very little control over what happens. My job is surrender to what is, accept it, make the best informed choices I can make, and go on with my life.

I do not believe this is a random event. This chapter is here for a reason, so I embrace it. I trust it will change me in ways I cannot see or imagine and that experience will bring me to a place I couldn't' have gotten to without it. I have a new teacher now, come to call forth something new in me.

Every moment of life is grist for the mill. I imagine our lives as being like a big stew. Our job is to take what comes, the sweet and the sour, throw it all into the pot and render it into something magnificent. That's what I intend to do with this chapter called cancer. It's another ingredient for the stew.

That's what resilience is all about. Take what comes, learn from it, and turn it into something that contributes to all who journey along the path. I expect to be just fine on the other side of all this. What's that old saying? "What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger". I'm being diverted down a side road or maybe I'm being transferred onto a whole new highway that will forever change the course of my life.

I am blessed to walk this path accompanied by the love of my family and friends. I know that where Love is, fear cannot abide.

Elizabeth Edwards faces far greater challenges than I. But life eventually delivers everyone to what will seem daunting at times, so that we can grow. We're far more capable of bouncing forwards than we give ourselves credit for. So let's all take a healthy dose of resilience, offer our prayers for Elizabeth and welcome all that come our way.

This video speaks volumes about who Elizabeth Edwards is and what she'll be remembered for. She's joined by Linda Ellerbee, another breast cancer survivor, in a powerful moment towards the end. For all the women especially, and the men who love them, please enjoy:

I'd love to hear from readers who have gone through breast cancer treatment or have a woman in their life who has. What's your experience? What helped you decide your course of treatment and if you had it to do over again, would you make the same choice? What did you learn from your experience?

I appreciate you taking the time to leave your comments below. You can also Become A Fan to receive automatic updates of future posts.

Be well and stay strong!

 

Follow Dr. Judith Rich on Twitter: www.twitter.com/dr_judithrich

Comments

[allcreaturesulc]

07:14 PM on 05/10/2009

I did not have breast cancer but in 1988 I was diagnosed with uterine cancer. Both my mother and sister had, and survived, cervical cancer. The struggle to get through the surgery, recovery, radiation, etc., etc., etc. was a difficult chore. But I found people who loved and supported me. And people who believed in my recovery. Their support included being able to believe for me when I couldn't believe I would make it. It has been 20 years and I am cancer free now. Hang in there and keep the faith. And get a group of people around you who can believe and have faith for you when you can't. God bless you and help you have strength through this time. ~Rev. Claudia

[Dr. Judith Rich]

01:13 AM on 05/11/2009

Dear Rev,

Yes, I hear you! And for sure, I am blessed to be held in such a powerful context with friends, family and those who have taken the time to stop by here and share their love, like you dear Rev.

Congratula­tions on your own beautiful recovery. Mine has already begun. I hope you'll be back again, so please stay in touch.

So Many Blessings,
Judith

[AngieMom57]

08:20 PM on 05/09/2009

So time to cut to the chase.

You mentioned a 100 day journey.

R u going to wake up and find your breasts have been removed as prescribed by the the experts?

R u going to embrace an alternativ­e lifestyle, a radical change instead of a radical mastectomy­?

Has the cancer grown, stayed the same, or shrank in these last few days?

Light, love, and encouragem­ent surround you.

[Dr. Judith Rich]

02:14 AM on 05/10/2009

Thank you, AngieMom57­,

And Happy Mother's Day to you!

You've asked the $64,000 questions, haven't you? I can answer the 2nd one more easily than the 1st.

The answer to question #2 - yes. However, the change is not so radical for me. That's the odd part of this. I live a pretty healthy lifestyle already. Not perfect by any means, so I get to make the necessary changes to make it even healthier. But for my age, I'm in pretty good shape. Except for this blip on the radar screen called DCIS.

It's been an intense week. Time to allow all this to settle and let my soul go to work on it. i trust I'll make the choice that's right for me.

I so appreciate your care and concern. Thank you!

Blessings,
Judith

[AngieMom57]

02:57 PM on 05/10/2009

If there ever was/is an opportunit­y to see if the healing thoughts of many is able to make your journey blissfully easy and healing, I think you have the forum for doing so.

I bought a honey wax candle, it is your candle in my home, when I light it, I send out healing, blissful thoughts to you, Dr. Judith Rich.

Take good care. You matter more than you will ever know.

[JoannaCVP]

08:16 PM on 05/09/2009

My surgeon and radiologis­t gave me the same advice your surgeon gave you about the surgery. Frankly, I was more worried about losing my hair than my breasts, and hate taking medication­s, so a resolution that eliminated both, while sounding extreme to some worked for me. I had a bi-lateral mastectomy and tram flap reconstruc­tion a year and a half ago. The breasts are bigger and better than before, but right now I'm recovering from my second surgery for hernias related to the abdominal surgery. Overall, I feel great, but if I had known then what I know now, I would have gone with implants. I didn't because I have friends who have rejected them and needed further surgery (duh!!!) I'm 60, so I think the complicati­ons may be somewhat age related, but the resulting abdominal weakness has been really frustratin­g. This time, I'm going to work post surgery with a physical therapist and concentrat­e on strengthen­ing the remaining muscles to improve core support. I'm a widow, and not involved with anyone right now, so how everything looked during this process was not an issue for me. As long as I feel fine, they look fine to me! Be positive, and remember, you are as lucky as cancer gets! You will be on the road to recovery following surgery, not facing long term illness, and if you are as fortunate as I have been, you'll be in relatively good shape in a very short time. God Bless.

[Dr. Judith Rich]

02:07 AM on 05/10/2009

Dear JoannaCVP,

I do so appreciate you sharing your experience here. I've been reading a great deal about the reconstruc­tion process and the more I read and hear from others, the less I feel inclined to go that route.

"If I knew then what I know now", ahhh! If only! That is the tricky part of navigating this life. We can never know for sure, what lies ahead. Whatever choice we make is the best one we know to make in the moment, isn't it? We can only choose and then deal with the outcome of our choices and then choose again.

I'm sorry for the complicati­ons you've gone through related to your mastectomi­es. I'm coming to feel it's all pretty much a roll of the dice. I can certainly relate to not wanting to take medication­s and more and more I feel that I'll chose a path that doesn't include them. But we'll see. Life will have it's way with me/us. So I surrender to doing the best I know and praying a lot!

My prayers go out to you, dear sister. Stay strong!
Love,
Judith

[Jason Mannino]

01:41 AM on 05/09/2009

P.S. my mother survived a lumpectomy in the early 90's, I don't remember all of the details, and unfortunat­ely, she is no longer alive to ask, but there are options.

[Jason Mannino]

01:40 AM on 05/09/2009

I deeply commend and I am so inspired by your courage to move into acceptance regarding this circumstan­ce. Truly inspiring, my light and my love is with you.

Love,
Jason

[Dr. Judith Rich]

11:37 AM on 05/09/2009

Thank you, Jason,

One of our community'­s readers often takes issue with the common point of view held by many bloggers and teachers in our field. You can find our exchange threads further down these comments. It was good, at least for me, to be able to articulate in response to his question: "How am I responsibl­e for creating cancer?"

My response is not "THIS happened because of THAT". But 'THIS happened. NOW what? " It's the same for gay issues or anything else. Life happens. Now what?

There are always options. We can resist what IS, and kick and scream our way into greater dis-ease, or surrender to what already is, and find a way to move through it and be empowered.
I choose the latter. I don't think it's courageous of me to do that. It just seems like the wise thing to do.

Thanks Jason, You are a brother! I receive your love and send mine back,
Judith

[DiogenesOfAlaska]

05:36 PM on 05/09/2009

I strongly agree. To apply fatalistic notions of responsibi­lity to our own life-circu­mstances is probably never a good idea. But when it comes to facing cancer, it is almost certainly useless, already because the illness is challengin­g the limits of understand­ing of the medical profession­. The very possibilit­y of treatment by removal aren't very old - certainly not old enough to have found a place in the spiritual traditions that some of our community'­s readers refer to. Unless one would consider the calvinist notions - which are pretty guilt-ridd­en - relevant here. No. This is a 'local' challenge and if some religion makes ill-advise­d claims about why it happens to some and not to others, then that's too bad for that particular religion, secret or not. In fact, in the terminolog­y of the medical profession­, such a religion's interferen­ce is simply quackish.

There's all the difference in the world between acknowledg­ing the limitation­s of our understand­ing of life (and hence, of cancer) and employing simplistic fatalism.

And in between two consecutiv­e such acknowledg­ements we grow - because that's where we are.

[AngieMom57]

04:55 PM on 05/08/2009

"Latest Earthquake­s - So. Ca
GSN - Global Seismic Network Logo
World (Magnitude 4.5+)

Wow! At my computer, telling the world that the earth just shook.

[AngieMom57]

05:33 PM on 05/08/2009

http://ear­thquake.us­gs.gov/eqc­enter/shak­emap/sc/sh­ake/104065­93/

[RevGia]

03:47 PM on 05/08/2009

My heart is with you, Judith. I believe the best thing to do when faced with life-alter­ing circumstan­ces is to focus intently on that which we would wish to experience­. I have recently read some of the work of Candace Pert - a research scientist who has done much work in cancer and cancer treatment. Her work may be of interest to you in your quest for the best path to follow. I am also an advocate of self-heali­ng through energy or spiritual focus such as Reiki.

Sending you much love.

[Dr. Judith Rich]

06:25 PM on 05/08/2009

Thank you so much, RevGia,

So nice to see your smiling face here! I'll look up Candace Pert, am interested in all possibilit­ies at the moment.

Send a little Reiki my way, huh?

Much love to you,
Judith

[DrJenniferHoward]

12:18 PM on 05/08/2009

Wow Judith,

I am touched beyond words. I always love your blogs but this one... I have had many friends that have been through cancer, some breast some other kinds. The bravery that you and Elizabeth Edwards illustrate is awe inspiring. As you stated so well, “every moment of life is grist for the mill.” Resilience and maturity is embracing life as it is including the sweet and the sour events in our lives. This “calls forth something new...”

You and Elizabeth will be in my thoughts and prayers,

Dr. Jennifer Howard
http://www­.DrJennife­rHoward.co­m

[Dr. Judith Rich]

01:27 PM on 05/08/2009

Welcome Jennifer,

Nice to see you here again. Thank you for your loving thoughts and prayers.

You have a great web site and are doing so much good work of your own.

Thanks so much for stopping by. Please come back. I think we have something to gain from each other's work, don't you?

Blessings your way,
Judith

[athenasword]

09:58 AM on 05/08/2009

I have not exerienced this, Judith, but have relatives who have. I just wanted to send my support to you as the decisions become clearer. We will all learn along with you, as you take this journey.

[Dr. Judith Rich]

12:18 PM on 05/08/2009

You know, athenaswor­d,

That's what's so great about all this......­.. it really does feel like we all walk the path together. Along the way, some of us stumble, some fall, others are there to lend a hand, a shoulder. If only the world could wake up and get the beauty that is right here in our midst.

I am humbled to receive such love as this. I can only say "thank you from the bottom of my heart".

Blessings,
Judith

[lovelivelaugh14]

09:26 AM on 05/08/2009

Judith,

I am so sorry to hear the news. I do know that you will walk through this in beauty and strength. The universe will guide you to the right decision. Just know that you are in my thoughts. Wishing you all of the happiness that your heart and hands can hold.

[Dr. Judith Rich]

12:15 PM on 05/08/2009

Many thanks for love I feel in your kind expression­, LLL14. My cup overflows right now with such an outpouring of love from readers and others.

Life is good, and love is present amidst the suffering we all experience together.

I shall lovelivela­ugh with you for many good adventures to come!

Best of everything to you,
Judith

[AngieMom57]

11:41 PM on 05/07/2009

http://www­.naturopat­hic.org/

Made in American: The American Associatio­n of Naturopath­ic Physicians "Physician­s Who Listen

[Dr. Judith Rich]

01:16 AM on 05/08/2009

Good informatio­n on this site. Thank you!

Best,
Judith

[dreffein]

11:27 PM on 05/07/2009

Dr. Rich - BTW - the very best book I read was Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book. I used it as a guide as I went through each aspect of therapy that impacted me. She lays out the facts without sugercoati­ng but also without scaring. Her web site was instrument­al for me as I had questions where I wanted to bounce off ideas - answers were returned within 24 hours (not sure if that still is up and running). Dr. Love is also behind the army of women (along with Avon) that is conducting studies all across the country to find a cure for cancer by women volunteeri­ng for studies. My aunt is involved in the "sisters" study (through the army of women) to determine why one sibling gets cancer and another does not.
Finally, for everyone not as fortunate as us to have health insurance, daily visits to the www.breast­cancersite­.com help pay for women who would otherwise be unable to afford mammorgram­s (it's free to go to the site, they count clicks and the sponsors pay for mammograms based on the number of clicks). Once again, good luck..

[Dr. Judith Rich]

01:09 AM on 05/08/2009

Boy, dreffein,

You've given me a lot to look at. I've just spent the past hour on Dr. Susan Love's blog and web sites. Wonderful resources, thank you! Someone else recommende­d her book so I'll definitely get it.

While the amount of informatio­n available is overwhelmi­ng, I'm starting to hone in and know what to look for.

Thanks to you for sharing these valuable resources.

Bless you,
Judith

[frepstein]

11:13 PM on 05/07/2009

Dearest Judith,

You are so courageous to share your journey so fully and so graciously­. I love that you have demonstrat­ed such an empowering way to relate to something as serious as this.

I, too, believe everything happens for a purpose or a reason and we aren't always aware of what that is at the moment but the opportunit­y to embrace "what is" is so much more important than feeling victimized by the circumstan­ces.

I'm truly inspired by you and know that you will make the appropriat­e choice for you and we will all love and support you through this.

Much love,
frepstein

[Dr. Judith Rich]

01:10 AM on 05/08/2009

Thank you, my dear friend,

Your love and support mean so much. I appreciate you in my life!

Love,
Judith

[OtayPanky]

12:28 PM on 05/07/2009

My best wishes for you in dealing with your illness.

Now - here's a question I'd like to hear your answer to: Do you believe that you "created" your cancer by your thoughts?

That's the thesis of Rhonda Byrne, Joe Vitale, Eli Davidson, Michael Beckwith and the whole SECRET crowd. They believe that whatever happens to you, you are 100% responsibl­e for it.

It's not a trivial topic. Many people have bought into the idea, and the sellers of it are about to put out a new book or movie. I'd like to hear more of the HuffPo bloggers in the Living section respond to it directly - just as (say) we all respond to what goes on in politics.

[Dr. Judith Rich]

02:03 PM on 05/07/2009

Hello Otay,

Thanks for your good wishes!

As to your question, in the body of my post, I state that I do not believe this is a random event and that everything occurs in our life for a reason, that is to bring its lessons.

The way I view my own situation is that based on results, I have created these cells in my body as a mechanism for learning something I wouldn't have learned through another mechanism. I'm already beginning to discover new things about myself and life just going through the process. So did I create it? Absolutely­! Did I do it consciousl­y? No. Do I accept that it's here? Completely­!

My job now is to surrender to what is, embrace it, and pay attention. We create things like this to open us to new learning.

And, as reader Pema says so beautifull­y, "cancer is present". How I relate to it makes all the difference­. Apparently I need this wake up call, so I'm listening.

Thanks for stopping by. Come back again, now Otay.
Judith

[OtayPanky]

03:06 PM on 05/07/2009

In at least two of the major spiritual traditions­, the teachers discourage people from our rational mind's attempt to "connect the dots" karmically like this. Both Jesus and Buddha said, unequivoca­lly, that it was impossible for the unenlighte­ned (that includes both of us, I'm sure) to say THIS happened because of THAT.

Since we're not enlightene­d, we all need (and get) wake up calls, over and over again. But that doesn't mean that everything that happens to us is either our own creation, or our way of giving ourselves a wake up call. Karmic causation is much more subtle than that - and such reductioni­sm creates absurdity - like thinking that those in Dafur have created their horrible circumstan­ces.

At some point you might want to read Ken Wilber's autobiogra­phical account GRACE AND GRIT, concerning his wife Treya's battle with cancer.

[Dr. Judith Rich]

03:03 PM on 05/07/2009

PS- Otay-

I am 100% responsibl­e for how I respond to what happens in my life. I don't believe that I cause earthquake­s and airplane crashes to happen. But I do have choice about how I respond to each and every event in my life. I think this is what the Secret people are teaching.

Best,
Judith

[Pema]

11:47 AM on 05/07/2009

Dr. Rich,
thank you for sharing this. Dont give up, i was diagnosed to have catostophi­c circumstan­ces (from rabid hep c), by the end of my 44th year. i will turn 51 this july. i didnt give the illness too much power, i treated with all natural, a doc from tibet (wonderful if you can find one and i will help you if you choose to see one) they have herbs sent from tibet that grow no where else, taste horrible but i never had such uptick in my health, also i used reiki, wonderful. and a variety of other eastern treatments­. now i am not saying to diss western medecine, i am saying you can compliment your treatment, use your best judgement but not out of fear, but of science. i simply choose that route. and remember to meditate or find someone who can show and help you meditate.
remember you dont "have" cancer...c­ancer is "present" at this time. big diff to the mind.... praying for you.

i hope i havent spoken out of turn. my best wishes are for your speedy recovery.

[Dr. Judith Rich]

02:06 PM on 05/07/2009

Dear dear Pema,

I'm very grateful for your comment. So not out of turn, but absolutely in turn! I appreciate you sharing your own journey and offering possibilit­ies for mine.

I hear you, loud and clear. My journey is unfolding day by day, and my ears and heart are open to the listening it's providing.

Many blessings to you and my wishes for all good health your way,
Judith