We've been in an intense, collective change process that had its beginnings decades ago but gained momentum with the collapse of the economy in 2008. Two years into this current upheaval, how are you doing? Have you learned to surf this tsunami of change, or have you been thrown against the rocks and still trying to catch your breath? Are you learning to reinvent yourself and move on, or are you in upset and anger over its impact in your life?
Change is not a tidy process. Anyone who's ever been through a divorce or lost a job knows that endings are often very messy and that starting over can be even more difficult. As Marilyn Ferguson, author of The Aquarian Conspiracy, put it, "It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear ... It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to."
Imagine you've just jumped out of an airplane with no parachute. All you have is a piece of fabric, a needle and some thread. Your task is to make a parachute on the way down and have it completed and opened before you hit the ground.
If all this sounds a bit daunting, that's because it is! Navigating change is like trying to walk through quicksand without being sucked under. Each step needs to be taken mindfully, yet with a sense of urgency.
The trick is in knowing just where to place your foot and exactly how fast to move, for the sands are always shifting and every step carries with it the possibility of either triumph or tragedy. You could step into the abyss and disappear, or you could come down on solid ground and live to take another step. Just ask Sisyphus.
Change doesn't come with an instruction manual. When the rubber meets the road, all bets are off. You can work hard, plan and prepare, and then Life happens. You either end up where you thought you were going or you end up somewhere else. Sometimes the "somewhere else" turns out to be an even better outcome, so don't automatically reject any outcome that doesn't match your pictures. Life has an interesting way of always giving us what we want, even when we don't consciously know we want it.
Assume Responsibility and Move On
Even if your current situation is completely outside your ability to control, you are in charge of how you respond to it. Don't waste precious time being a victim. You might get lots of sympathy and comfort from your friends, but all you have at the end of the day is a nice story, and nothing changes. That is not to say victim shift doesn't happen. But that's not what makes one a victim. Victims are those who get caught in the story and give up their power to it.
Accepting responsibility for your choices sucks the wind out of the critical voices, including the ones in your head. Nothing will free you from the past and help you move forward faster than taking responsibility for your life now. And here's the good news: it also means you get to acknowledge all the accomplishments you're proud of along the way. The buck really does stop with you in both good and in hard times.
Mistakes = Learning Opportunities
If you find yourself in a steep learning curve, consider yourself enrolled in a master class on how to dance on a tightrope in high heels going backwards. Missteps or "mis-takes" are highly probable. Learning from mistakes made early in the learning curve will better equip you to navigate the steepest terrain later on. Or as Michael Jordan said: "I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed."
Necessity Is the Mother Lode of Invention
So don't be afraid to fail. If you don't have at least one failure under your belt, it means you've played too small, stayed too comfortable and never dared to color outside the lines. You might as well dive in and get your feet wet! Or as author M. Scott Peck said, "The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers."
We're confronting change on a scale that is beyond anything we've ever learned to comprehend, much less believe in. The key is not to try to hold on to what was, but to learn how to fly with what is. Get used to being uncomfortable. And then reinvent yourself. There are people who are learning to thrive in these difficult times. Why not you?
Please consider sharing what learning opportunities are opening for you. How has the shift hit the fan in your life? What's most challenging for you now? What kind of support would most serve you at this time?
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A small weed can grow through concrete.
We sure feel better in every way when we overcome obstacles
life is a mystery unfolding - we never know what will happen next -
so do your best and leave the rest!
Wise words, indeed. Yet most humans resist this one simple truth. It seems too simple, to just declare one's reality, and yet, every thought we think is creating it anyway. So either consciously or unconsciously, we are planting the seeds of our future, NOW. More on this topic in a future post.
Thank you, dear friend, for being a constant voice of wisdom here.
Blessings,
Judith
My son is going off to college in the fall of 2012, and we've always assumed he'd go to the University of Texas; but for various reasons, he's less enthusiastic about that idea as time goes on. He's looking into other colleges and he's thinking about one of the Oregon universities. So we've been thinking, "Hey, maybe we'll just move there - we'll save on tuition, I can keep my job and work from there, houses aren't too expensive, we love that kind of environment, and our son can come see us every weekend if he wants." Maybe things aren't really working out like we thought; but maybe they're working out better. The flow of life may take us someplace that we didn't expect, but maybe life knows our needs better than we do. I think that ability to stand in a redwood forest and let life ooze up from the earth and down from those trees sounds better all the time.
A young woodland dreams of an old,
An old holy book, an old set of instructions.
And under the grass the soil is dreaming
Of a young woodland;
And under the concrete the soil
Is dreaming of grass.
The flow of life moves us toward our dreams, if the dreams of our minds are the dreams of our inner person.
You are on to something that is essential and a key awareness for the evolution of one's life.
"Maybe things aren't really working out like we thought; but maybe they're working out better. The flow of life may take us someplace that we didn't expect, but maybe life knows our needs better than we do."
Here's what I think, and dare I say it, this I believe: Life is ready to bless us with its infinite Goodness, if we just open ourselves and allow it in.
A new door is opening for you. It sounds like, at some level, you're ready to move on so allow that willingness to show up as your highest good, in whatever form that takes and let life's goodness "ooze up from the earth" and bless you wherever you are.
And if you're not chained to staying in one place, why stay somewhere that has become so toxic to your spirit? The discomfort you feel in the place you've always called home is a sure sign that a new place is calling. Just be open and see what happens.
A new chapter is waiting to be written. What new possibilities are you incubating for your future right now? jThe beautiful poem by Wendell Berry speaks to the hidden potential in all things and how all life is constantly evolving towards its highest good.
Follow your heart, it has its reasons. Best to you always,
Judith
Thank you for including this significant quote: "It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear..." The "event horizon" of change is indeed the scary part, deflecting too many back to status quo where they languish within their perceived limits, fearful not of the push required to overcome resistance from the "object at rest", but of where they might be taken if they do. Discomfort often accompanying risk is common and contagious from person to person, and between generations, but it need not be.
Once a young man sought counsel from his father regarding a risky new idea; he wanted to know if it would be worth it. The father simply asked, "Son, do you know what happens if you don't take a risk?" The son said, "Nope." The father chuckled, then replied, "Nothing."
This applies to all risks of change. However, when we risk and fail, we have an opportunity to learn and try again, possibly succeed, but certainly to fail better... all within the dynamics of change as we pursue our life's passion.
Self-limitation is the biggest roadblock to change. Which was expressed better by another Huffpost commenter, Cynthia Occelli , when she said, "Identifying, embracing and letting go of limiting beliefs is the single greatest step we can take toward the realization of our destiny."
With much appreciation,
Lawson Meadows
How I do love and appreciate what you bring here! Thank you!
In this challenging time of being unemployed, your mind, heart and spirit have not gone idle. Keep cultivating this wisdom and continue planting these seeds of generosity, for the crop can only be Goodness and Prosperity.
I do believe these times are forcing us all to cultivate a deeper awareness of the truth of who we are. If all the roles and trappings of the outer world disappear, then who are? We're being guided to develop ourselves in ways that matter to the evolution of humanity. You, dear Lawson, are right on track.
Blessings your way,
Judith
Man, that's a great story. Was that young man someone you know?
Yes and no. It is a grest lesson for any young man or woman to learn, but...
I would love to claim credit for the inherant wisdom in the story: I do believe it is there. However, I massaged the the original details attempting to avoid the overshadowing impact the knowledge of who said it might have. It was a response, to a interviewer's question about taking risks, by Mel Gibson.
I have no dog in the current "fight" about his past actions, but some do, and that would only serve to dilute the message. Nevertheless, the lesson stands; truth is still truth, whether spoken by a devil or an angle.
LM
As I write this, the sun is gently rising over a clear horizon showing a red glow before the sun itself shyly makes its appearance. New day, new dawn.
Most of the time, I am excited about this time of change which I view as bringing so many wonderful opportunities for a better quality of life all round in our world. Shaking out the unnecessary old is not pretty or comfortable a lot of the time.
Earlier this week, I experienced a lot of stiffness in my neck as I resisted and tried to control all of the goodness coming my way. I realized I needed to simply accept, relax and let go. Still learning.
The spirit that I am has a huge appetite to express itself and sometimes that goes right out of my control. The ways I have held it back are showing up to be cleared. I know I am not alone in this regard.
These are very blessed times. The sun is now shining bright orange.
With love and appreciation to you once again,
Anne
Reading your comment- what a wonderful way to begin my day!
" The spirit that I am has a huge appetite to express itself and sometimes that goes right out of my control. The ways I have held it back are showing up to be cleared. I know I am not alone in this regard."
Indeed, as I am right there with you. This massive change process is not personal, it's collective. No one escapes it, so it's time we lean into it, and allow ourselves to be cleansed of what doesn't serve. Meanwhile, as you so beautifully remind us, the sun keeps on rising. And so do we!
Many blessings to you,
Judith
Thanks for loving and serving!
I'm glad to hear you are doing well and more than well. Given the size of your heart and the strength of your spirit, nothing could ever keep you down for very long.
Much love to you,
Judith
Your writing is splendid, I'm with LifeChangeStartsNow regarding the parachute analogy, that and:
"...consider yourself enrolled in a master class on how to dance on a tightrope in high heels going backwards..."
Priceless ;-)
Or how about parachuting in high heels? Either way, we've got our work cut out for us!
And while we're on the subject, how ARE you doing, my dear?
Love and blessings to you,
Judith
My primary mode of transportation is an electric bike ;-)
http://www.doglegbike.com/commuter_Nexus.php
Roll with it! :-)
Yup, 9 months on after I was forced to return to my Caribbean birthplace which I only enjoyed at a distance, everything is starting to move someplace else and it feels kind of excitingly trepidatious.
I sure as hell didn't plan any of this and now I understand that the main reason for returning was to see and observe with a distance of 24 years that nothing had changed family-wise but I had.
And what's ever more fabulous is the severing one by one with each member, the negative emotional ties while accepting responsibility for my part in the story. Damn, but letting go is really... soo liberating. It gives you (me) a new lease on life and a vastly changed perspective.
You have no choice but to let go when you can't take the pain any more. No one can hurt you then! You say "Victims are those who get caught in the story and give up their power to it" - I can attest to that.
And may I most humbly interject that learning to fly with what is is the most terrifying experience imaginable and it's happened to me so many times and I still resist it until I can't anymore.
I admit though that turning the page is exquisitely delicious and I'm now going with the beautiful flow and enjoying the ride (most times).
Thank you luvley Judith, bang on target as usual.
Cheers
Catherine
Wishing you a continued exciting and joyous ride,
Judith
Through it all I have deepened my relationship with myself. Things have been revealed and continue to be because I have been still and available to receive. And I have gained some mindful techniques to navigate through adversity.
I’m glad our paths have crossed. Believe it or not you have been cultivating growth and strength via thought provoking blogs like this one. And if I have never said it before, thank you.
You are a great demonstration of what's possible. Even though your life at the moment is not what you'd prefer, you have taken what you have and used it to move forward in ways that might not be measured by the size of your bank account, but certainly by the size of your heart.
I hear you, and my thanks right back to you for the thoughtful contributions you always bring to this space. It's my honor to have this connection.
Blessings,
judith
Parallel stories, almost. Since ’08, I have been in a similar employment situation… if you shorten the “under” to “un”. Nevertheless, what I have gained was the realization that my focus should be on pushing my bolder up the hill again. What we ultimately have is that which we develop within our minds, which should be enough to fill our lives and our hearts… that, and a high degree of bladder control, of course.
I know about the challenge of finding a position equivalent to previous ones. After a successful company I built in the '90 became a 9/11 casualty, interviews always addressed my entrepreneurial tendencies (and my age, I'm sure). So I dipped into my deepest desires and found my passion, my rock to tote up the hill, and like Sisyphus, I am filled and ultimately happy.
In my life, I am trying to be a verb more than a noun, and like you, I continue to learn how to navigate through the fat and the lean times.
Lawson
I’m sorry to hear you are faced with this employment task. I too have had interview problems that have to do with my gray hair. My wife thinks I should use hair color. The stubborn part of me says no. Most of the hiring managers I have interviewed with are 30yo’s.
Know that I will work on your behalf for doors to open. And when they do there will be lots of J&C, and Baklava too.
Just kidding - did anyone notice?
Here's what I find REALLY interesting. I swear that I hadn't read your post before commenting over there at your sister's.
If that seems like there's some structure underlying what we wrote, then that's because there IS.
Cheers
Where's a nice, warm blanket when we need one? Linus probably had a back up!
That "structure" you refer to...... could it be that there's one unifying force underlying all that we think is going on here, appearing to be separate? By aligning with it, we could fill in those gaps (fear and uncertainty) with a deeper knowing of the truth. And what is that truth?
Back at you for your take on it.....
It has to do with the question of how we can tell whether the process you describe (about getting unstuck, or crossing the desert) really does get us out of the dark - at least to the best of our own abilities. Clearly we cannot claim that all darkness can be overcome by this, because we are mortal, after all. But we can ask whether the way we go about things is feasible or riddled with endless lines of possible criticism - coming from self or elsewhere.
The fact that there is such a high degree of congruence between the accounts given by different people is hardly a coincidence. I'm not saying that there's a user's manual for digging out of the hole. But there's Ariadne's thread. There are dos and don'ts. In other words, it IS a process that has a structure which can be laid bare. Even though it certainly remains an inside job.
Also, you didn't address the soul crushing, emotionally crippling fear that prevents people from taking risks and making mistakes. I'm a malignant perfectionist so making mistakes is unacceptable.
Even when doing things perfectly, however, failure has still always been the only result I've experienced. It's difficult to keep trying when the only thing you've ever known is complete and total failure. You get to the point where your spirit is completely broken and you give up. I'm at the point now where I've pretty much completely given up on life and don't put more than a cursory effort into anything because if I'm going to fail anyway there's really no point in putting all my effort into something.
In fact, the only reason I'm still alive today is because I'm a coward. What a shame.
If you experience that people measure what you do against this yardstick, then there is only one valid conclusion: you need to change the kinds of people whom you allow to measure what you do at all.
There is absolutely no progress in anything at all without making mistakes. None at all.
And here's the answer to your despair: creation is shot through with flaws. You cannot even find a religion that would even attempt to deny that. Let alone a science. The only thing that will forever try to convince you of perfection as a meaningful idea is modern media. But that's because modern media are a relapse into mythology. They are LESS elaborate and LESS rational than the oldest religions and certainly less rational than the first tickling of reason or science.
Simply forget about each and every person who has ever tried to convince you that you need to be perfect. Because they know NOTHING about what they're talking about.
That is not the only reason for my despair, lol. Just one of many many many problems.
Well, I have forgotten about them. I've forgotten about everyone in life. Except, of course, that I demand perfection from myself and then savage myself when I inevitably fail. Maybe I should change my avatar to a sad panda.
Catherine (ex-perfectionist who never wanted to be one in the first place!)
I hate to tell you, but you're not unique in this regard. 99% of what occurs in life is outside our ability to control. The only thing we have is the choice about what we're going to do with what's happened. And that one, small thing turns out to be what determines how our life will unfold. Not the events, not the circumstances, not the people who took advantage or mistreated, not all the unfortunate things that make up the story.
But what did you do with the hand you were dealt? That's the story you get to create now. Not the story about why you aren't capable because of how you were raised or what people did to you. That's a dead end story, there's no growth possible there.
There is another story waiting to be written by you. It's the story about what happens now, about finding your courage, about growing up, about moving beyond your past and creating the life you want to live now. It's not the story about how you fell down or who pushed you, but about how you got up.
Let's hear THAT story, my friend.
Sending you love and blessings,
Judith
This is all well and good and something I already know but the problem I always encounter and no one ever has an answer to this question is HOW? How do I get to do that? How do I find the strength? How do I let go of everything that has ruined my entire life, the horrifying physical and emotional pain and suffering that I live with every day? How? Knowing what to do doesn't matter, I know the what, but without the how it doesn't matter in the least. The question is how and no one has ever been able to answer that question. I would love to write that story but how?
How do I overcome the fear? How do I overcome the pain? How do I get past the misery and the loneliness? How do I take the risks when my entire life has been one failure after another?