The Raisin Years

From the top of my head to the tips of my toes, my body is slowly dehydrating. "Drying up" is what most people call it. I have entered what I affectionately call, "The Raisin Years."

Age is beginning to have its way with me. Body parts that once were thin are now thickening (think waistline) and I now know why many "women of a certain age" wear their hair extremely short. Now more salt than pepper in color, the few thin wisps that have managed to remain in the vicinity of my head are but a distant echo of days gone by when I sported a long, lush pony tail, a thick French roll, and even a 70's style Afro. Brook Shild eyebrows that once required weekly attendance are a thing of the past. I haven't plucked an errant eyebrow hair since 1984.

While normal hair growth has largely disappeared from the terrain one usually expects to find it; errant hairs have sprouted up in strange and unexpected places, like weeds making their way through cracks in a playground basketball court. I'm often shocked to discover one or more long, wild hairs stealthily growing out of my chin or the top of my forearms.

Disappearing hair is not the only victim of the aging process. Nails that once were smooth and strong now sport deep ridges and look, feel, and crumble like potato chips. I recently read that hand lifts are now the new frontier for cosmetic surgery.

It's tempting to contemplate the benefits of having renewed hands, but on second thought, I prefer to stick with the ones inherited from generations of ancestors who worked the land, peeled potatoes, darned socks, knitted caps and tended babies. I see my mother's earthy hands and gnarly fingers making an encore through the aging of my own. Perhaps I should take up knitting, just to see if I've inherited any of her talents in that department. Having grown up to the sound of knitting needles clicking through long winter nights, I've never felt called to take up the craft. But why else are my fingers beginning to twist and turn if not to be built-in hooks for yarn just waiting to be knitted and pearled into something functional, and perhaps even aesthetically pleasing?

George Bernard Shaw once said, "its a pity that youth is wasted on the young." It does seem unjust that we're not equipped to fully appreciate the gifts endowed by our youth until we've gained the perspective that only aging affords. As I gradually surrender to the inevitability of my body becoming more prune-like, I become aware of a deeper source of juice to sustain me going forward.

Now that I've reached my autumn years, I've begun to sense the presence of new gifts waiting to be harvested. I see that the use of sheer will power can still produce results, and I can draw upon it when needed. But more and more, I feel the call to cultivate a more graceful approach. Learning to surrender to the flow of the river instead of struggling to swim upstream seems to make more sense these days. Call it economy of effort, or call it learning to hear the voice of a deeper wisdom, I am developing an appreciation for what is possible when I allow life to unfold on its own terms.

Cultivating a posture of surrender is not for the feint of heart. It is by no means a passive stance, but rather, requires a heightened awareness of the impermanence of life, the ability to be present, to show up for each moment and consciously choose who and how I want to be in this fleeting now.

I'm learning to accept that at the core of this warrior woman I've been all my life, lies a tender, vulnerable heart that has waited patiently for its turn to lead me into the mystery of what lies ahead. Like a grape that lingers on the vine gently being transformed by the sun's drying rays, I trust that in these "Raisin Years," I too am being distilled into the sweetest, richest essence of who I am.

This, I believe then, is the work of our elder years; to deepen the chalice of our Being by transforming the pain of loss and disappointment into the sweet wine of Wisdom and to drink heartily from the cup of Gratitude. Harvesting the gifts of the "Raisin Years" can be the blessing of a lifetime.

Comments

[singermuse]

Bless you Judith. Aging gracefully can be a good thing. But there are some things we can do to "plump up" our "raisin years"
1. Drink half you body weight (lbs.) in ounces of clean filtered or spring water every day (helps relieve asthma symptoms too!).
2. Make and drink plenty of fresh veggie juices (go easy on the carrots, abundant on the greens) daily.
3. Don't eat anything that comes from animals. Salads are better.
4. Walk every day in the outdoors. Even on a rainy day.
5. Pray/Meditate daily.
6. Hang out with people who share your positive outlook.
7. Be of service in the world.
8. Live, Laugh, Love.

[Dr. Judith Rich - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you, singermuse....... good advice!

[carolinacowboyinla]

Don't you just love Dr. Judith? Thank you for posting such god information for us. I also wanted to share something this is working for my family. Mona Vie juice has completely changed my family forever. My wife is 39 and has incredible energy since incorporating 2ozs in the morning and 2ozs at night. I sleep a lot better and our kids love the way it taste and at 5 & 8 we feel very good knowing they are getting the amount of antioxidants from their Mona Vie as though they eat 13 servings of fruits and vegetables (which they could never do or would they like to do)

At 44 years old I'm very excited about the anti-aging agents I put into my body by simply drinking a little juice everyday. Acai (worlds number 1 superfood according to Dr. Perricone) is the main fruit (30%) and is blended with 18 other all natural, wild, exotic and in some cases organic fruits from all over the world. Then the "active blend (which is what we drink) has added Glucosamine and Essterified Fatty Acids (which is for joint care and lubrication)

I would love to hear what Dr. Judith has to say about Mona Vie. We buy ours at www.thefactsaboutmonavie.com

Check it out for yourself. Look at it this way it's all natural and just fruit with amazing antioxidant levels and anti-aging elements so what would it hurt to try it.

[Dr. Judith Rich - Huffpost Blogger]

I actually just started drinking it a few weeks ago. I love the stuff, but it's too early to tell what specific benefits I've received. I'll keep drinking it though.

Thanks for your comment.

[Carab]

Type here

Hi, Judith,

Your words have been with me all week. For many, many years, one of my pet peeves has been that the news we receive as readers is so one-sided. I've been longing for some publisher brave enough to publish what inspires, uplifts, transforms. God knows, (and Goddess, too) that we need to regain the vision which enables each of us to live the most meaningful, contributory, joyous lives we can. Especially in collaboration. We are One, after all.

I want you to know how happy I am to see your wisdom in print. What you have written not only inspires and touches me, but strikes me as a golden invitation to all of us in 'reader-land' to contemplate our own harvest. By your courageous example, I am left with a number of questions worth considering. You have given me much to chew on, (even if that came close to ending the sentence with a preposition).

For me, one of the best aspects of this harvest in our sixties, is, the sentiment ''what can they do to me?' We have pretty much free reign to say what we've come here to say. We are free to speak our own truth. On that note, I look forward eagerly to your next column!

Here's to a juicy continuation,
Cara Barker

[PatA]

I took the approach back in my 30ss to work to preserve what I had and to take care of what I was going to get. Breast cancer at 31 was a wakeup call.
I am 65 years old and almost every weekend in the spring and summer, I photograph rodeos. I am in the arena where the bucking stock buck out. I can still run and jump when I have to. :-)
1. I don't eat meat.
2. Watch very little television.
3. Spend as much time as I can outside and wear "gimme" hats and sunskin.
4. My parents lived to be in their early 90s.
5. I work on word puzzles and others every day to keep my mind sharp.
6. I teach in a prison and never has an offender guessed my true age.
7. I've also invested myself in caring for others and leading with an open heart.
8. Two mottos..One is a day without learning something is a day wasted and a day without
doing something for another is a complete washout.

Good article.

[Dr. Judith Rich - Huffpost Blogger]

PatA,

65 and still kicking it! You're the girl! (To me, "girl" is a term of endearment and form of acknowledgment ). You got it.... when our curiosity dies and we no longer are open to new possibilities, we're at the beginning of the end. As a "Raisin Queen", (and all you Raisin Queens and Kings know who you are), I rejoice in having reached a stage of life (as a young, old person) a "Baby Elder", if you will, where life is no longer about getting somewhere. For me, the gift of the Raisin Years is the realization that I'm already exactly where I've always wanted to be; being me, doing my life.

With that realization comes inner peace. With inner peace comes freedom. With freedom comes Grace. I think that Grace is always with us, we just don't always allow ourselves to receive it. If we can learn to allow Grace to be present in our lives, we become radiant beings. This, I believe, is a gift available to everyone, but it seems to require that we first "earn our stripes", by learning to navigate life as it comes.

I'll be writing more about this. Please tune in again. Thanks!

Judith

[mamacat]

Interesting blog.
Thank goodness, as an older person, at least I can still use my brain. I have lived a very rich life. Not as rich and varied as I would have liked, by any means, but full of treasured experiences and fun and the things that make a life worth living. I have been spared major traumas, and the tragedies that we all have to endure are an inescapable part of life and death.

An observation, Dr. Rich. Not only can we choose to go with the flow of the river, but it can benefit us immensely if we try to choose which rivers we get involved with, which we try to avoid, which we try to take the bridge over, and which we choose to spend time next to. OK, taking the allegory a bit far there.

Thank goodness for Huffpo. I enjoy reading and posting here, and sometimes I feel like I have something worthwhile to contribute.

[Dr. Judith Rich - Huffpost Blogger]

Mamacat,

I love the name! Great comment and great insights. Thank you!

I liked what you said about choosing the rivers, however, it gets a bit tricky if we get too attached to avoiding certain rivers, etc. Of course, you're going to steer away from things you absolutely know are not aligned with where you want to take your life. The whole point of "surrendering to the flow" is this: life is happening every moment, no matter where you are or which river you're navigating. It's all just you and how you interact with each moment. Yes, we'd all certainly prefer to be doing the things we like to do and having a good time. And some of the time, life unfolds just the way we want. It's easy to surrender when we like it and it feels good!

It's when the water gets turbulent and we're in it, like it or not, that I'm suggesting, surrender is an important skill to hone. It takes great discernment and wisdom to know when to "go with the flow" and when to just get out of the water and sit on the bank. I'll be writing more about this in future blogs. Stay tuned.

Thanks again,
Judith

[marysandra]

I lost the sweetest husband in the world 6 months ago..Prior to that, I was definitely a raisin in progress.Caring for him, knowing I was losing him, there are no words, but everyone who's been there knows the drill. I had fibromyalgia, depression, etc...Then I woke up alone, and just about broke. I got part time work with a public health agency. I am required to get up early, no matter what hurts, and for part of the day, deal with beautiful people in great need, and wonderful coworkers..It has been life saving. Now I just think about all the time before my husband became ill, when I took a nap or went shopping mindlessly, trying to forget the aches and pains..Sometimes I see the scene in "Moonstruck" where Cher slaps Nicholas Cage across the face and says "Snap out of it"..Because that is what the Fates, or Karma, or God, pick your personal choice, did to me.. I wish someone had "snapped me out of it" while my lovely husband was alive and we could have enjoyed the time together...So to all potential raisins, I say, the best way to cope is to stop worrying about it, and start thinking about someone or something else. I feel a couple of wrinkles fall into smile lines every day, when I see a smile coming back at me.

[Dr. Judith Rich - Huffpost Blogger]

Dear Marysandra,

I'm sorry for the loss of your husband. Allow me to go out on a limb here: What I heard in your story is that because your life was painful, you found ways to avoid and distract yourself from really feeling that pain. Napping, shopping etc. And now, looking back, you see that you missed important moments that cannot be retrieved. And you have regrets about that.

A couple of thoughts: Really.... good for you for creating a way to be connected in the world and make a difference with others. And I think you're absolutely right that the best way to get over our own loss is to transform the energy of sorrow into contribution.

Here's the good news: you woke up! Maybe it took a major loss in your life to get your attention, but you shifted from being asleep at the wheel to being awake. The trick now is to continue waking up again and again. It's not a one shot deal.

Thanks much for sharing your story. It put a smile on MY face!

[marysandra]

Dear Dr. Rich,
Thank you for your very kind, and spot on assessment of the situation. I do have regrets, yes, but I guess everyone who experiences loss has them to some extent. The mind is a wonderful thing though, only recently have I started dreaming about my late husband. In my dreams, he is young, tall and handsome, and I'm not too bad either. The dreams are always about happier, healthier times, I consider them a gift of grace. But my waking life has taken on a new grace, with new people, and new ways to help.. I just hope and pray I can fully embrace your advice to keep on waking up to life..I know it is what my family wants, and what my husband would have wished for me.. I used to tell him I was attracted to him because he made me laugh every day of our lives together...I hope he won't be hurt to know I still laugh every day. Just with different people, and I don't kiss them afterwards!

[lise124]

Dear Judith,

What an inspiring, humorous, thoughtful article. I, too, am a Raisonette, and very proud of it! With a little aging comes a great sense of "relief" -- an ability to relax more with myself (my xpectations of self and others) and take more time to experience the great pleasures of living. Life is not to be missed! When I was a younger raisin, I was in a rush to get ... to here (as it turns out). Congratulations and thank you for sharing yourself so heartily!

[RTN]

Judith:

How true it is but I keep hoping for a magic cure. Methusala (sp) managed an extraordinary lifespan, there may still be hope for us. For the time being I'm just rolling with the punches of age and as long as I can ski I'm quite happy.

[Dr. Judith Rich - Huffpost Blogger]

Dear RTN,

You already have the "secret" to staying alive and juicy.... do what you LOVE! So keep on skiing and feeding your body AND soul. It's the fire in the soul that keeps the body going. Didn't someone say "Happiness is an inside job?" I think it's true!

[Topfeeder]

I don't know, the term "Raisin Years" bothers me. I don't mind being referred to as fruit, after all I had a cherry, bore fruit of my own and even ripened into a full fledged apple bottomed 40-something year old. But the thought of myself as a dried up, wrinkled, stuck in the sofa cushion, raisin seems conciliatory and negative. I still feel like I am still sweet and juicy. Even if I'm not, I'd rather live with my illusion.

[Dr. Judith Rich - Huffpost Blogger]

"Dried up, wrinkled, stuck in the sofa cushion" is one way to look at it. But why choose that interpretation? Doesn't seem very empowering, does it? Sweet and juicy emanates from the inside. So keep on being your "sweet and juicy" self, no matter what. That's the point!

[ilovemydoggy]

One consoling thought: Every human will experience it. Aging is not for sissies. I'm actually looking forward to leaving this planet -- and the next journey.

Baby boomer perspectives: http://www.Vaboomer.com

Baby boomer art: http://www.VaboomerViosks.com

[Dr. Judith Rich - Huffpost Blogger]

Love these websites! Great resources for us "Raisinettes". A note to anyone reading this article: I'm collecting stories about the Raisin Years for a book. If you would like to share your "Raisinette" experience, i.e., what have you learned and how are you navigating the Raisin Years, what's the "good news" and what's challenging about this time in your life, please contact me at: [e-mail]. Thanks!

[Russell Bishop - Huffpost Blogger]

Hello Judith! How great to see you here! I, for one, look forward to further posts, great insights, and a gentle, accepting and loving approach to life! Thank You!

[Theda]

Drink a gallon of spring water or purified water every day, work out an hour a day on an exercise bike and do facial exercises daily.
This stuff works! And you won't feel so dehydrated and OLD.

[kimbari]

I think you missed the point.

[peonyharp]

Beautifully written, Dr. Rich!

I plan to share your column with my parents (two California Raisins) along with my fellow harp therapists. I feel very fortunate: my profession chose me and is something I can do well into my own Raisin Years when I reach them.

The following especially resonated with me, because Harp Therapy requires checking one's ego at the door -- in order to be fully present for patients, honor their humanity, and attend to their needs:
"Cultivating a posture of surrender is not for the feint of heart. It is by no means a passive stance, but rather, requires a heightened awareness of the impermanence of life, the ability to be present, to show up for each moment and consciously choose who and how I want to be in this fleeting now."

Graceful living indeed, in actions, in spirit, in heart.
~Kristine

[Dr. Judith Rich - Huffpost Blogger]

Kristine,

Thanks for your comment! I, too, am a harpist of sorts (one who doesn't play much but I have a beautiful, Celtic lap harp) and even contemplated doing harp therapy with a local hospice organization. It didn't come to pass, but I was so inspired by a harp therapist who came to visit a friend of mine, as it turned out, the day before he died. Her presence was like that of an angel. In fact, I think she must have been, because prior to her visit, my friend was quite agitated. Her music was so calming and peaceful, I think it helped him to complete his journey. So thanks to you for helping to bring forward the presence of what is sacred at the end of life.

[KarateKid]

Dr. Rich,

Terrific article. I agree that the raisin years are inevitable, but as I turn 60, I am determined not to give in to "old age". I have a daily workout routine, consisting of 25 to 40 mile bicycle rides (not Sunday rides, either), and have radically changed my diet, away from red meat, and heavy on soy products, legumes, fruits and vegetables, and fish and eggs. My body is becoming more like a cyclist and I am lighter now than when I was a sophomore in high school. I feel terrific and in order to enjoy the raisin years, one must have good health. I travel around the country and see way too many people who are obese, and they are not going to enjoy their senior citizen years. Most people I've seen have lost their willpower and discipline, and I see their minds breaking down and giving in to what is inevitable, but my attitude is, why rush it? I'm not going quietly into the night. You should write a book on how to cope with the raisin years; there are alternatives that people should be aware of.

[Dr. Judith Rich - Huffpost Blogger]

Dear KarateKid,

Good for you! I'm on totally on board with staying fit and eating right. If 60 is the new 40, then you and I have a long way to go and we'd best keep making deposits in the "Taking Care of Self" account. Thanks for the encouragement to write a book about this. I can feel one in the making.......

[KillgoreTrout43]

Nice article. You are to be commended Judith. This was a very refreshing change from all those determined to go against nature, by trying every trick in the book to hide their true selves.
I am a man, and am still a "young," 54, but the signs of aging are beginning to make themselves known. The ear hair that won't budge for long, the mid-section spread, the wrinkling of my hands....etc. I have been most fortunate to make it this far, considering my wild youth and early adulthood. I can't say I am looking forward to a deteriorating physical reality, but I will in no way fight it, artificially. I watch my diet, try to smoke less, do mild excersize routines and such, but cosmetic surgery is out of the question. I want to go out as I came in. Au Naturale!

[Dr. Judith Rich - Huffpost Blogger]

KillgoreTrout43

Thanks much for your comment. I must confess however, that in the past, I've tried a few of those cosmetic "tricks" myself so I'm not being a hypocrite and condemning anyone who does. But I've found that in the end, it doesn't matter. Time and gravity will still have their way with us. The body will eventually unravel, but it's the spirit of aliveness inside the human being that can not only endure, but deepen with time. Wisdom cannot be injected or found on a surgeon's scalpel. Enjoy these Raisin Years and use them to deepen your capacity to appreciate both the joys and sorrows they bring. Loss and sorrow deepen the chalice and allow room for more joy.

[KillgoreTrout43]

Thanks for your reply.