Tiger Woods didn't owe us an apology. He's an athlete, not a publicly elected official.
I'm not interested in the moral aspects of Tiger's behavior. That's for him and his wife and family to resolve and I wish them the best. What I am interested in however, is his admission that his behavior came from a sense of entitlement and his acknowledgment that he felt "the rules did not apply". Whatever his motivation, Tiger's admission struck a chord of truth worthy of examination for the rest of us.
If you and I were being completely honest, couldn't we also admit to times when we've gotten so full of ourselves, we slipped into this "the rules do not apply to me" kind of magical thinking? Who among us cannot find in our life stories, fragments, lines, paragraphs or perhaps even chapters of entitlement? My own are among my least best moments, to put it mildly.
Tiger's public apology brought to mind the myth of Icarus and his father, Daedalus, imprisoned on the Isle of Crete. Daedalus fashioned wings out of feathers and wax so they could fly away to safety, but he warned Icarus not to fly too low to the sea lest the water get his wings wet or too close to the sun lest its heat melt the wax.
Icarus, being the Puer type that he was, became intoxicated with the thrill of flying. He flew higher and higher until he flew so close to the sun, (can you guess what happens next?), the wax melted, all the feathers became detached and carried away by the wind. Icarus was left flapping his bare arms. As much as he thought the rules of gravity didn't apply, alas, they did and Icarus plunged to the sea and was killed. Bet you could see that one coming, couldn't you?
Like Icarus, Tiger, intoxicated with fame and fortune, felt he could fly as high as he wanted and that somehow the sun's heat would make an exception, or the law of gravity would be suspended because of who he was. He thought he could betray his core values, forsake the spiritual path he'd followed since birth and "follow every temptation" with impunity. Gravity is impersonal. It doesn't care who we are or how many titles we have. It just is, and we all get to deal with it.
Entitlement is a sticky trap. At its root is a narcissistic person who operates on the assumption that who they are is so special and unique, they grant themselves license, in fact believe they have the right, to do what they want, regardless of the impact. Awareness of the consequence of our choices and actions is the farthest thing from our minds when we're caught in the trap of entitlement.
Is it any wonder that those we place on the stratospheric pedestals of public adulation should come to believe they can defy gravity? But gravity will always have its way with us and the entitled ones eventually plunge to earth, like Icarus.
We can look across the landscape of contemporary life and see a battlefield strewn with the bodies of the formerly entitled and the unfortunate people they took with them. Professional athletes seem to have more than their share of representatives, but they probably don't outnumber politicians, televangelists, Hollywood celebrities, corporate executives and our favorites - financial advisers (can you say Bernie Madoff?).
In some cases, the fall looks like nothing more than a dose of public humiliation and the entitled manage to take it in stride, push it aside, fluff themselves up and keep going. Larry Craig still holds his seat in Congress. Kobe Bryant still leads the Los Angles Lakers. Mark Sanford is still the governor of South Carolina. But none of us knows the private prices they pay, especially in their relationships with people who trusted and believed in them. For them, the fat lady's song is sung outside the spotlight.
Some ignore her dulcet tones and pay the ultimate price. John Edwards tempted fate and not only ruined his career as a politician, but his 33-year marriage to Elizabeth appears to be over, his family destroyed. Ironically, Edwards' arrogance and entitlement may just end up winning a Pulitzer Prize for that icon of prurient journalism, The National Inquirer. How's that for irony?
Arrogance and entitlement, while producing temporary gratification, ultimately will serve to undo. Call it what you will: karma, the law of cause and effect, justice being served. One way or another, sooner or later, the guard at the gate will demand payment. Your first clue that payment is coming due is when you catch a note or two from the amply endowed soprano warming up in the wings. Ignore her at your own peril.
Tiger is right, he does have work to do. I hope he succeeds. I believe in second chances and besides, redemption stories are far more interesting than stories about the fall. You see one fall, you've pretty much seen them all. But the comeback is where the "juice" is. Time will tell if Tiger is up to the task.
May his Buddhist faith serve to put him on a skillful path. May he learn the lessons of humility, integrity, and responsibility and earn back his self-respect and self-trust and perhaps someday, that of his loved ones.
May he look back on this experience and say this is where he traded in his false pride and arrogance for a heart of courage, planted his feet firmly in his life and became a man of honor. As Elin observed, his true apology won't come in the words he speaks, but rather in the actions he takes over time.
May Tiger's experience be a lesson for the rest of us. Lest you or I get too smug, thinking our own behavior beyond reproach, we might just want to keep one ear attuned for the melodic tones of a zaftig female in the distance. She just might be warming up in a sand trap nearby.
Come on now, fess up. What have you learned from your own chapters of entitlement? What prices have you already paid?
Please share you comments below or on my personal blog at Rx For The Soul. For personal contact, I can be reached at judith[at]judithrichdotcom. I'd love to hear from you. And thanks for Becoming A Fan and passing this along to your friends on FB, etc.
Watch out for those sand traps and blessings on the path,
Judith
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Yours is the only article I've read on this event. I've seen the headlines, of course you can't avoid them, but I don't want to watch like some gory accident on the side of the road. The idea of 'the rules don't apply to me' does resonate with me. I've never had the opportunity to play on the same scale Tiger has, but I've been a senior executive with privileges and a company charge card and the temptation to indulge myself was there -- I deserved it for working so hard, didn't I?
I only hope that I pass the tests of courage and moral actions that I face in my life and am grateful for all of the guides in my life, including you.
James.
Nobody has George Clooney under the microscope. He's not married to a woman that has no clue,
Women seek men with money, fame or power. The parade of Tiger girls were just the one's he picked and just the ones we know about it. The line was much longer.
Men with no money, power, or fame would feel the same sense of "entitlement" if they had the same opportunities.
They do not and they know it and they are slightly more faithful.
Monogamy is a human concept to keep society orderly before birth control and paternity testing.
Tiger, as young and rich as he was, and traveling as much as he does...had NO business getting married. But, it was probably his dad and Nike's idea anyway.
You said this near the end, but so far I don't think anyone's taken you up on the invitation/dare. But here goes. While this is something that has affected me very personally, it's a common subset of the entitlement mindset.
I'm facing a small medical procedure next week, and have been in a total funk over it. In part, this is because I've gotten into my second half-century without ever having faced any type of surgery. While it is minor, it's going to be worse than it might have needed to be, due to my head-in-the-sandtrap approach when I first found out. Surgery wasn't something that happened to me. So I waited to wake up with everything somehow just FIXED, with no need for me to do much of anything.
This may be extreme. But honestly, how many of us flamin' well know we should (exercise more, eat less, get more sleep, und so weiter) without actually doing said things? Why don't we? Not doing these things makes people sick! But, oh yeah. Not us. We're Entitled to good health.
It isn't just the gods of public life that get Entitled.
Thanks for telling on yourself. Personally, I'm all for it. If we were willing to tell on ourselves a bit more, we'd have greater awareness of how we try to "game the system" at our own expense.
Here's my most recent version of entitlement- I think the rules of calories in shouldn't apply to me, even though I know better. Sometimes, I just want to be "bad", break all the rules, eat hamburgers and french fries, and skip the consequences, like high cholesterol, extra pounds, etc. Nevertheless, I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it, regardless of the consequences.
Tiger might be more famous for his transgressions, but I have plenty of mine and I know I'm not alone. None of which makes it OK, but we're all human. Including Tiger.
All the best to you,
Judith
designed to get money to the very people who created the scam in the first place.
It's a religion and business. That’s all. Really.
These cloned professional scammers are pumped out of universities
and are bolstered in every which way by the state.
It’s all about the money.
If people only knew that the forerunner of the APA plotted to annihilate
Native Americans back in the 1800's,
that would certainly cast them into their true and proper light.
These "professionals" design programs and treatments for ailments
that did not even exist until they created them.
Its all about the money.
David http://wyld-business.blogspot.com/
I agree with you about the Tiger - after all this he should change his name to Tiger Steel .. he certainly has been whacked a bit.
Yes his arrogance or even our arrogance is a weakness that we should all be mindful of.
anyway --
Big Love,
Ed
But, to be sure, that didn't keep Einstein from enabling the US to defeat facism and after that, from being a pacifist.
The interesting question is: what does 'flying too high' mean today?
For example, criticising the bank bailout on the grounds of its cost to society is a bad idea, including all attempts to turn this thing into some kind of revolution. That's because the costs for the bailout are swamped many times by the costs for fixing healthcare or social security.
So, here's my preliminary definition of the present-day Flight of Icarus:
Losing sight of orders of magnitude. Especially in application to one's very personal and private opportunity set.
Wow! That even applies to Icarus himself. So there must be some truth in it, right?
It's always amazing to become aware of how much truth was revealed in the age old "myths". Perhaps humans weren't ready for a direct revelation, as with Einstein, so they had to feed us the cotton candy version.
Truth.... for those who are keen enough to decipher the candy from the real message.
Which is profoundly ambivalent. So much so that even if I decided to just stick out my tongue I would be conveying incredible amounts of information.
:-)
Looks a lot like I just can't seem to get any satisfaction...
:-)
Sounds more like he's practicing "do what ever feels good to The Tiger....What others?
I think Tiger made it clear he had strayed from Buddhism and betrayed his own core values. This was the point of his apology, to take full responsibility for his actions and do the work of getting back on track.
You're right, he did do whatever felt good in the moment. But clearly there's a deeper wound at play when one operates without considering the consequences. The trap of feeling entitled blinds one to the potential consequences of their actions, even when in the end, it's the entitled one who always pays the biggest price.
Let he or she who has never strayed from their "right mind" cast the first stone. I wish Tiger and his family the space in which to heal.
Best to you,
Judith
under the bridges, in the parks
abondoned factories, forgotten
sleep the homeless, the unwanted
groups collected together from necessity
for safety for strengh for friendship
each member below the entitled one
the one who takes at will the girl he wants
the provider of the needed feel good
for a few hours
the entitled one does as he chooses
he is the top golfer
the top politicial, top priest and here
among the garbage of the world
noe one cares except for the stuff
the feel good stuff
the entitled one provides
provides what we need
while the cold loins of the girls
gives the entitled one release
the entitled one is the winner
he is the strongest among the boys
the most clever at getting the feel good stuff
the girls do not mind, he is the hero here
laws here are the laws of not the jungle
but the laws of the now parished species
the short term species
the many which ceased to exist
in a few months
our group will also cease to exist
to much feel good stuff.
Rolf Krogsæther (c) 2010
I'm posting your comment on my FB page so others can read your poignant poetry. You capture the essence of my post in a few lines.
Too much of anything eventually becomes toxic. I'm still working on learning moderation myself. I'm taking notes!
Blessings to you and keep that poetry coming!
Judith
I too deeply hope that Tiger will do the work he needs to do to regain a better and truer sense of himself and the opportunities he has to benefit others. And to enjoy a truly rewarding and enriching life himself in the process.
If he can do this, he will prove to be more remarkable than an exceptional golfer. To fly way high, then fall way low and pick yourself up again is not something that everyone can do.
I love your insights and wisdom here, Judith. Thank you!
With love,
Anne
Indeed! Were it that simple. It seems the whole game of life is about staying aligned with our higher selves, and following the dictates of the better angels of our nature.
Have you always acted in alignment with what you knew to be true and good? When we stray, it's usually not because we didn't know better, but because we become blind to our own true nature. We forget who we are (or perhaps never even knew ourselves) and are seduced by the illusion of instant gratification, forgetting the long term price of our actions.
We can look as spectators at others' choices and see how simple it is to do what's right. Best we look in the mirror and assess ourselves first before casting aspersions. Tiger is a potent teacher for all of us. Let his fall remind us what it costs to forget.
Thanks for your comment,
Judith
And thankfully every other religion has some form of this "Golden Rule."
I admired Tiger's so called confession and apology. He is right when he said that he was "selfish" and "foolish". I would add "potentially deadly" to the list. If what his mistresses said are true, he had nothing but unprotected sex.
Tiger exposed himself, his wife, and children to the possibility of: Unwanted pregnancy with women who weren't his wife, curable STD's (i.e. syphillis), chronic/incurable STD's (i.e. herpes) and incurable deadly STD's (AIDS), and public shame and scorn.
I'm sad that Tiger, at the least, didn't love himself enough to use protection if he wasn't going to stop himself from going down the road of infidelity.
I wouldn't want to be in Elin's shoes now. As a person of faith, I believe in forgiveness and hope that therapy will help Tiger with his deep seeded issues. But Elin, for the sake of her health, will have to have permanent eyes in back of her head to make sure Tiger doesn't cheat again. Elin's health is at risk, along with Tiger's, if he decided to go back to unprotected sex with porn actresses and "bar flies".
Living a life of integrity erases the 'fear of getting caught'. Resisting temptation builds character. It will make you a better man and you will love yourself for it. Just sayin'.
Excellent post Dr. Rich.