"Los Me'choop With the Bobkes": Experiencing Academia as a Grown Up

Academia is a funny place. It is full of coded messages and conflicting expectations. I learned this years ago when I started graduate school. I come from a working class Israeli background. I was the first in my immediate family to earn a university degree, let alone a PhD. Israelis are known for being brusque and direct. To make matters worse, I come from a family where communication is a strong value. These are not welcome attributes in the university.

I had a lot of learning to do that first year and none of it had to do with the subject matter I was pursuing.

For example, there is a right and wrong way to state your opinion in graduate seminars and conferences. One should never speak the truth directly, forcibly, and passionately, no matter how sure you are that you are correct. Indeed, one should never claim to speak the truth at all. In the land of academia, there are only subjective, relative truths that should always be qualified by "deconstructing" one's standing vis-à-vis class, gender, race, and social status.

Unless of course, the speaker happens to be higher up in the academic food chain. Say a professor or a famous lecturer at a conference. In these instances, you should shut up and never, ever, under any circumstance, challenge the speaker no matter how ignorant, incorrect, or plain dumb their ideas are.

You should not cry, no matter how aggressive and verbally violent other academics can be when they level attacks on you, and your work.

You should not get visibly angry no matter how enraging an injustice may be. You should write a stern letter to the offending party instead.

I also learned that good academics are "insanely busy", so busy they don't have time to breathe or go to the bathroom. It is thus, very, very uncool to saunter in after a long weekend, tanned and relaxed, and talk about all the fun you had watching America's Next Top Model, playing with the neighborhood kids, and bumming around downtown with your friends. The right answer is "I spent all weekend reading, writing, and revising". You must say this with a look of deep suffering on your face. If you have bags under your eyes, you will be more convincing.

I was thus especially happy to graduate this fall. "Finally", I thought to myself, "Now I know the rules. Now I know how to play the game. Now I can go out there and conquer the world!!!" Four years bachelors, two years masters, and five years doctoral training have given me the social and intellectual skills to go out there and be a professional.

Little did I know that graduate school was child's play -- a friendly sandbox -- compared to my entry into the working world of academia. The last few months have been a training course in unprofessionalism.

For example, one reader of a large grant I applied to wrote in their anonymous review, "I am not qualified to review this kind of research, but here is my review." Needless, to say, I did not get the money.

An academic at a meeting turned to me, the research psychologist, cut me off mid-sentence and barked, "enough with your psycho-babble, I don't care about feelings."

An editor rejected my article for publication in an academic journal because they did not "like my conclusions", even though the article was "well-written, well thought out, and made some excellent and important points".

While the details differ, the underlying hypocrisy is the same.

In graduate school, there was talk about open and democratic speech, but there was only one way to express yourself, and only if someone with more power didn't hold a different opinion.

We were told that higher learning was about being an individual and learning to think for ourselves, but only if you fit the mold of being a hardworking, dedicated student, running yourself ragged with work until you were near having a nervous breakdown. (Note: you had to be near nervous breakdown -- having a real breakdown is a no-no).

The working world, as it turns out, is no different.

Your academic peers are supposed to evaluate your work with a keen, educated eye and give you a fair and knowledgeable review. Instead, mainstream norms prevail, and work is reviewed by whoever is available at any given time.

Journals are supposed to be about democratic debate and lively discussion of ideas, but only if those ideas are palatable and don't veer too off into anything too innovative or critical.

Like I said, academia is a funny place.

Funniest of all is that I spent all these years getting educated so that I would have a clear, strong knowledgeable voice to make the world a better place. While I loved every second of the time I spent learning, reading, writing, and expanding my mind in school, I find myself hearing my late mother's voice in my head a lot these days as I navigate the working world.

Whenever she would sense any contradiction, hypocrisy, or BS from anyone, she would say with a sparkle in her eye, and a grin on her face, "los me'choop with the bobkes" which loosely translated in Yiddish means "leave my head alone with the nonsense". In other words, cut the garbage, be direct, speak the truth, and be clear about what you are coming from and what you are saying.

I couldn't agree more.

 

Comments

[estassinos]

Ha! Studying and teaching is good work and a good life. But I am Greek, and the absurd has its place. For poetic consolation I volley back with a quote from the Dune science fiction saga... very helpful when surrounded... I wish I had had this more handy during graduate school!

* I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
o Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear (from DUNE by Frank Herbert)

[ModernTimes1]

The political in-fights in academia are so vicious because so little is at stake.
I have to repeat this sardonic mantra to myself a few time a week, at least.
And it does make me feel better. Try it.