Girls Kissing Girls: In Vogue Or Old News?
Before the segment was canceled, I was asked to appear on CNN Headline News last month for a segment about the latest wave of "Lesbian Chic." There had been numerous editorials touting "Heteroflexibility." Though my segment faded into obscurity, I was supposed to talk about whether this was indeed a new trend and what "girls kissing girls" means for fearful parents.
It's a shame it was canceled, because I had lots to say.
I am the first to admit that I downloaded Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl" to my iPod. I like the song. But I do think that we are giving Katy too much credit. Seriously, suggesting that she (and her song) is responsible for the supposed wave of same-sex kissing is just silly. Teens have been experimenting with their same-gender friends for years. Many grown men and women had these innocent experiences in their youth. Perhaps the difference is that when we were teens, we didn't make our secret exchanges public. We weren't posting our same-sex kisses on our Facebook profiles. We weren't making out with each other in the hopes of avoiding a cover charge at a party. And we may not have been making out with each other to impress cute boys (or girls). There is a difference between acting out sexually for popularity and acting out sexually because you are in touch with your sexuality.
I have always believed that sexual orientation is fluid. No one is strictly heterosexual or homosexual. Fantasies, personal experiences, and curiosities often waver between gay and straight. And this doesn't mean that you have to act on these desires, either. (For example, there are plenty of women who are aroused by watching lesbian porn but may not have a desire to be physically intimate with another woman.) Both men and women can be attracted to a spectrum of people and experiences throughout their lives. And if that weren't complicated enough, just because someone engages in sex with someone of their gender doesn't mean that he or she is gay, lesbian, or even bisexual. Sexual orientation is about attraction, not behavior. Is it all that surprising that many people are curious? And really, a kiss is just a kiss. It is hardly a gateway to oral sex. And labels are just old news anyway.
But the sex educator in me needs to make this final statement: The real problem with girls kissing girls is that women feel like it's acceptable to make out with one another because there is no overriding stigma for them. Can you imagine if teen boys were doing the same thing? Would they be cheered on and asked out by the hottest people in school? This situation is representative of tremendous inequality. As parents, we should be teaching our children to challenge all forms of double standards and intolerance. We should be teaching them to think about sexual orientation differently. And of course, whether it is drugs, alcohol, or sex, we should be explaining to our children that doing something at the behest of others (or simply to impress someone) makes for very poor decision making. But you can read Third Base Ain't What it Used to Be for more of those tips.
In the end, I suppose that what I am trying to say is that kissing another girl isn't a novel idea. But as adults, perhaps we can be smarter about how we handle it. Any suggestions are always welcome (and if you would like to share your own early same-sex experiences to prove my point, bring 'em on).
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I agree yet disagree at the same time. I agree that Katy Perry isn't the reason why girls are kissing girls, but she is the reason why it's been getting more attention.
We have many stories on our website about girls getting in trouble for kissing, so even though it isn't illigel it still isn't being acceoted by everyone. .http://winolimits.com/
Personally I hate the song, because everytime I kiss a girl everyone thinks I'm doing it because of Katy Perry or to get attention or I've been drinking like the song implies.
As far as parents go. I honestly would prefer that my daughter kissed girls then had sex with guys, why? Well the average age for girls to get pregnant is 15 and become single! You cant get pregnant for kissing a girl. If i had a daughter and I walked into her room I'd be relieved to see her kiss a girl, because I could have caught her having sex with a guy instead. Really, parents are worrying themselves that really has no effect on anyone.
Ten years ago, two women kissing was a shocking transgression. Now it's a desperation ploy for viewership.
"The real problem with girls kissing girls is that women feel like it's acceptable to make out with one another because there is no overriding stigma for them." ??? Wah??? So I suppose being kicked out of one's home, church, community etc for having a crush on your neighbor isn't stigma? I think we have to be careful to say it's no problem when people have fought so hard to make what is now seen as fun for some, safe for anyone in the first place.
The double standard between girls kissing girls and boys kissing boys is not a result of women being allowed more freedom in such expressions than men. And it is so very much not a new fad. Some twenty years ago I was in jr. high and being pressured to do it because the boys liked it.
This double standard exists because sexuality, male and female, is still defined by overly masculine standards. It's okay for girls to because guys find it to be a turn-on (and an affirmation of their masculinity so long as they think the girls are doing it simply because they know it turns guys on). It's not okay for guys to because guys find it to be a turn-off (and a threat to their masculinity).
Even in jr. high I could see that and had the self-confidence to say "um, no, I'm not your play thing!" It disturbs me enough that pop songs are celebrating it as some sort of pseudo-display of feminism ala the Pussycat Dolls and Katy Perry, but even moreso that people with doctorates and columns relating to [pop] psychology will go along with it without, seemingly, the wit to realize the obvious.
Sexual fluidity is one thing. Sexual obsequence is quite another.
Get back to me when boys kissing boys is the new fad.
That will be interesting.
Okay, there is a double-standard. While male bi-sexuality was all the vogue in the late-sixties through the early eighties, this thing called AIDS pretty much wiped that out. This, of course, came at the end of a period where many "experimenters" were finding they had Hep B or worse. Bi-sexuality in women is probably the safest sex a girl can have. And for hetro men, the turn on is visceral. Guys are hammered by hormones at puberty. They want sex so badly, and girls seem to be almost blissfully immune to these urges. I know that's not true, but that's the perception from a 14 year-old's perspective. So to see a woman enjoying the same thing a hetro male desires so strongly...it's powerful mojo. And the power of that mojo has to do with the different ways we are wired and the different ways we explore our sexuality at puberty. Now, I understand there are all the flavors of the rainbow out there, ect...ect...but this is from the center of a pretty big bell curve. It's just the way we work. So, if you are a girl and are curious to find out what it feels like to be with another girl, you can make a lot of guys happy if you have someone post the make out session on YouTube.
are you really a 14 year old boy? because that's what you sound like. nobody's sexuality needs to be posted on youtube. that's the problem. i certainly hope you aren't raising any children. because we need to teach them that their sexuality is private. period.
i hope you aren't raising any children. they need to be taught that their sexuality and experimenting is private. not to be 'posted' on anything!!
i hope you are not raising any children. probably not, since you have the 14 yr. old boy mentality to a 't'. just so you know, aids is a risk for ANYONE not having safe sex. and safe sex has the same definition whether it's hetero, homo, or bi. we should be teaching our children that nobody's sexuality needs to be posted on youtube. if you're that desperate to be made happy, go rent some porn.
I think you're right. There is a double standard for a reason. Another note : many women that like to kiss other women and get turned on by a man watching are exhibitionists (for example the high number of exotic dancers that identify themselves as bi) but hopefully most would not want to put it on YouTube. Also, I think it's refreshing to see someone who actually remembers and admits how they thought when they were 14.
RE: the accompanying photo. Please dont make the mistake of thinking that this new relationship for Lindsay Lohan with her Lesbian girlfriend is just a sensationalistic lark, designed merely to increase her exposure in the media. From what I understand, this relationship is just as serious as her previous relationships with men, for what that is worth! Dont make the mistake of automatically immediately discounting such same sex liaisons!
Yech! The idea of same sex what have you turns me totally off. No challenge!
for me, the bigger question is why are het's so perversely consumed with interest in same sex attraction?
good question
Deeply buried brightly burning latency. Bisexuality is the rule and rampant in the rest of the animal kingdom. I believe it is in humanity as well! The upcoming generations- Gen Y and Millennials will lay it all out on the table.
because everyone knows where this leads...
http://irrationalpublicradio.com/pe6.html
From a biological point of view, group behavior is not about the individual's success in breeding but about the group. So, a woman walking down the street in a sexy outfit may not end up with someone of the opposite sex any time soon but someone seeing her will sieze the next opportunity to try to make a baby.
The same can be said with women kissing women in public. They may go home alone or with each other but guaranteed others in the group watching will end up having sex that night. So, the breeding success of the group is enhanced by the lascivious behavior of the few.
Now, if everyone at the party gets so stone drunk as to pass out before having sex then the whole deal falls through but nature can't take into account every little nuance and maybe such folk shouldn't be breeding anyway.
Girl on girl is an epic win!
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This is very confusing.
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To form an opinion, I need more pictures of this girl on girl thing you speak of.
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but not with that chick Lindsey Lohan is running around with.
boy who cried wolf.
Reading the comments attached to this article, it's surprising gays and lesbians have chosen to side with Democrats. Campaigning Democrats will throw in one obligatory sentence saying "We're ok with gay people" (yes we're ok with a gay person voting for the Democrat). The lives of gay people are essentially at the mercy of the straight majority, whose whims change with the trends. Gay people to some extent depend on silly events like this song to desensitize the fear, anxiety and hatred. Most gay people just want to live their lives like everyone else, without constantly feeling the need to explain their decisions to the majority rulers. Republicans say marriage should be between a man and a woman. Strangely, that's what Democrats are saying too. http://mespace.wordpress.com
like other voters, our tribe is not a single issue voting bloc. and to compare the republican platform vs. democratic platform and wonder why some of us choose to support the dems shows a complete lack of grasp and understanding. while not all out 100% supportive, the dems. are centuries ahead of the reps.
Don't underestimate the role of the porn industry in making sexual fluidity more socially acceptable for women than for men. Since porn began, female bisexuality has been frequently depicted alongside, and within the context of, heterosexual sexuality. This rarely occurs with male bisexuality. Thus, an industry controlled by men has for many years favored female sexual fluidity over male sexual fluidity. This is bound to have an effect at the social level. What some women don't realize is that the acceptance shown towards female bisexuals is essentially phony. It's a phony acceptance based on titillation. So long as the male voyeur is titillated by it, it's acceptable. It's the male voyeur who is setting the standard here.
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