Smart People, Stupid Sex
I love sex. I love having it. I love talking about it, teaching about it, and I love making sure that people know how to have good sex - whether it is by themselves or with partners. But what I hate is hearing how supposedly smart people make stupid decisions about sex. And there seems to be a lot of stupidity going around.
The article entitled "Generation Unsafe Sex," in Page Six magazine this week exemplifies just how unintelligent people can be when it comes to sex. Many young New Yorkers willingly forgo protection, relying on the hideously named "pull-and-pray" method, morning outings for Plan B, or a dose of antibiotics if they should wind up with an STI.
But you certainly don't have to take Page Six's word for it. The state of sexual health in America is deplorable. We have the highest rates of unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections of any Western nation:
o 65 million Americans have an incurable STI
o more than 50% of Americans will have an STI at some point in their life
o 1 in 2 sexually active people will get an STI by the time they turn 25
o 1 in 4 teen girls have at least one STI
o there are 40,000 new HIV infections in the US every year
o over $1.5 billion dollars have been spent on failed abstinence only until marriage education programs
For years we have been trying to figure out why people take unnecessary risks. Is it that we care so little about ourselves? Is it because we are more concerned with living in the moment than we are with living in the future? Is it because we are afraid to speak up and demand protection? Is it really because people fear that condoms take away from spontaneity? Hey, I am all for having hot animalistic sex with Nine Inch Nails playing in the background, but in the time it takes for you to change the CD, a condom can be rolled down and ready for action, so spare me the "it's not spontaneous" rant.
When we were ignorant and didn't know any better, it was easier to chalk up our unsafe sex practices to our belief that we were invincible. But it's not invincibility if we are well-informed. It's idiotic. In 2008, it's not as if we don't know about the risks and how to protect ourselves from them (abstinence only education aside). Many deliberately take the risk, putting their health on the line every time they leave that condom on the nightstand. Why? Because, we're friends...what's the big deal if I give you syphilis?
Our advertising further challenges our sex practices. Think about those couples frolicking on the beach as they happily discuss having genital herpes and the absence of condom ads on network television. In our attempt to de-stigmatize sexually transmitted infections, we wound up making STIs appear so manageable that people's attitudes became indifferent. There is no doubt that some STIs are manageable, however, somewhere in the messaging there was a shift in perception. Now, some people are more than willing to take certain risks.
As for Plan B (emergency contraception), it is hardly a panacea. Doesn't do anything for STIs and it only works to prevent ovulation. If you've ovulated already, too bad. But that's really not the issue here. We keep forgetting that our ability to use contraception and get access to information and contraceptive services is slowly being taken away. Depending upon where we live (and who we vote for) our options for dealing with an unintended pregnancy (and sex in general) will be limited. (Bush's recent attempt to redefine abortion so that the term includes: birth control pills, emergency contraception, and IUDs, is a pretty good example of that.) So it would seem like now is the time to be smart about sex. Go on, have lots of it, but do it in a way that doesn't compromise your health or your fertility.
At the end of the day, orgasms are orgasms. I would rather have one where I am fully engaged in sex than one where I am thinking, "Ooh, this feels good, too bad I just might get Chlamydia this time."
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Maybe I'm not up to date on all the biology, but does using a condom really cover the bases here, if we're making disease prevention the priority of the day?
What about oral-genital contact - both ways? Or oral-anal?
In fact, as long as we're in CDC mode, what are the documented risks - if any - associated with fierce, deep kissing?
And certainly cybersex and masturbation can lead to the heartbreak of carpal tunnel syndrome, even if you put on a latex glove.
And public restrooms are practically death stars - or so I've heard.
It's a pretty scary world, when you come to think about it. Be careful out there!
With all due respect, just exactly what kind of doctor ARE you? Any medical doctor would affirm that two of the most prevalent and potentially dangerous STDs can be transmitted while using a condom: herpes and HPV. In the case of HPV—of which certain strains cause cervical cancer—a testing method for men has yet to be developed. Perhaps it will take many more cases of infection and disease before today's society realizes the old-fashioned values of long-term monogamy provide the very best protection of all.
No disrespect taken, however, you raise two different issues:
First, according to a published study in the New England Journal of Medicine (Winer et al. 2006), consistent and correct condom usage does reduce the rate of transmission of HPV and other genital ulcers, including herpes. The CDC will tell you the same thing. Now, that being said, there is no single method that reduces risk entirely. But if someone does decide to engage in sex, condoms are still the best (and only) protection against sexually transmitted infections, including HIV/AIDS. As for men, there is no good test for HPV in males, which is why any sexually active person should use protection and be tested regularly.
The statement about long-term monogamy is a different debate, and perhaps one that I will write about in the future. For now, I will not judge any person's decision to be non-monogamous. All I can do is write about the facts, and encourage both emotional and physical sexual health.
As a 72-years young guy.....who 'survived' the loooooong period of time when people were ashamed to discuss sex in a public forum...... it's especially refreshing to read comments by a prominent authority about loving orgasms and animalistic sex..............all the while promoting concerns for safety and health!!!! Kudos for you, Logan!!!!!!!
I don't think a condom is the answer; personally as a 36 yr old male who loves being single and hopes to stay that way, should I be in a relationship with someone I think the solution is to both be tested before having sex, assuming birth control is being taken care of. I've done this every time, I find that it puts the woman at ease right away, and it does me too. Even though I'm anti-marriage, I am not anti-relationship and I have no problem being 100% faithful to a girlfriend for as long as we stay together. So far, this has worked out just fine, I've never had a problem. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with always having a condom handy, but I don't trust them at all, and I've had no reason to use them.
I appreciate your comments...and here are my thoughts:
A condom should be something that everyone (both men and women) have on their person or in their bags at all times (so there is never a reason to say, "Oops we didn't have one and didn't want to run to the drug store or reach into the nightstand").
Often times, people claim that sex doesn't feel as good with a condom before they ever actually have sex without one (i.e. I hear this from my non-sexually active students all the time). However, sex without a condom can be messy (fluid-wise), and thus, less enjoyable for certain parties. Sexual pleasure is also about mental fulfillment too. It's not just physical, and if you are constantly thinking, "Hmm, this is great, but is this going to be the time I get pregnant, or an STI?" it doesn't feel so good (and that can psych a person out of an orgasm altogether).
And "an orgasm is an orgasm" doesn't suggest that you can't have larger and smaller orgasms; it means that if the end goal is an orgasm, having one with a condom is better than having none at all.
That being said, unfortunately, the risks are real. So I am by NO means anti-sex, I just think that we should be making better decisions. Eventually, all that unsafe sex catches up with us.
I think the problem is pretty simple:
* Sex can be spontaneous; a lot fo folks probably don't carry protection with them.
* Sex is good, but it isn't *as* good with a condom. Sure, it may be absolutely vital and all -- yadda, yadda, yadda -- but if my experience is in anyw ay indicative, it doesn't feel as good.
Am I advocating not using a condom? No. I'm merely providing an answer to the question posed. With the above two points, many are willing to think "What are the odds REALLY?!? What is my real risk?" Are they right? Are they wrong? When it comes down to it, the judgment of others is academic -- that's what they're thinking.
PS: No, an orgasm is not just an orgasm. Again, I'm not saying people SHOULDN'T, but I do see your argument as somewhat disengenuous.
I appreciate your comments...and here are my thoughts:
A condom should be something that everyone (both men and women) have on their person or in their bags at all times (so there is never a reason to say, "Oops we didn't have one and didn't want to run to the drug store or reach into the nightstand").
Often times, people claim that sex doesn't feel as good with a condom before they ever actually have sex without one (i.e. I hear this from my non-sexually active students all the time). However, sex without a condom can be messy (fluid-wise), and thus, less enjoyable for certain parties. Sexual pleasure is also about mental fulfillment too. It's not just physical, and if you are constantly thinking, "Hmm, this is great, but is this going to be the time I get pregnant, or an STI?" it doesn't feel so good (and that can psych a person out of an orgasm altogether).
And "an orgasm is an orgasm" doesn't suggest that you can't have larger and smaller orgasms; it means that if the end goal is an orgasm, having one with a condom is better than having none at all.
That being said, unfortunately, the risks are real. So I am by NO means anti-sex, I just think that we should be making better decisions. Eventually, all that unsafe sex catches up with us.
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