For New Parents, Uninterrupted Sleep Has a Gender Bias

It is 3 a.m. and you have a one-year-old. And we all know what is going on: it's feeding time, it's changing time, or it is simply time to say, "Hi everyone! I am up and excited to be here!" But you have a presentation at work the next day, carpool in the morning, and this is night number 10 in a row, so what does a sleep-deprived parent do?

A new study has told us exactly what may be happening, and no big surprises here: Mom gets up more than Dad! A University of Michigan researcher (having reviewed 20,000 working parents from 2003 to 2007) has given us the "first known nationally representative data documenting substantial gender differences in getting up at night -- mainly for babies and small children."

Not only do women get up more than men (working women are 2.5 times more likely to get up than working dads: 32 percent of women compared to 11 percent of men), but:

• Women stay up for an average of 44 minutes, compared to 30 minutes for men
• The difference is maintained even with many other variables taken into account, including employment status, income and education level
• And sole breadwinner moms seem to have it even worse: 28 percent of sole provider working moms have interrupted sleep, compared to only 4 percent of sole provider working dads!

The good news is that according to this study, this difference and the actual interruptions decline with the age of the child. As the child gets older (ages three to five) the difference is less, just 3 percent for working moms and 1 percent for working dads.

My suggestion for any parents with a newborn:

1. Consult with your pediatrician to make sure that there is no emergent physical reason for these awakenings (e.g., Colic or reflux)
2. Consider an "on-call" rotation similar to other professions, for example:


                         a.  Mom takes Monday, Wednesday and Friday nights


                         b.  Dad takes Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday nights


                         c.  And you rotate every other Sunday


Look at your internal biological clock and see what may work better:


                         a.   Is one parent a night owl and the other an early to bed, early to rise person?


                         b.  Split the night in half and each take a shift!

And a special note to all the moms who have partners who help out in the middle of the night (but you probably already know this): He's a keeper!

Sweet dreams,

Michael J. Breus, Ph.D.
The Sleep Doctor™
www.thesleepdoctor.com

 

 

 

Follow Dr. Michael J. Breus on Twitter: www.twitter.com/thesleepdoctor

Comments

[LisaCACO]

04:03 PM on 12/24/2010

we did an on-call rotation. we had a futon in my daughter's room and one of us stayed in there when she needed holding, etc. at the beginning one of us slept in there each night so the other wasn't disturbed. it was great because it meant one of us got a good night's sleep and every other night we could count on a good night's sleep. start this way from the beginning or your spouse will feel entitled to sleep thru the night all the time, lol.

[pauldununfola]

02:26 AM on 12/23/2010

This article didn't have anything that was news. Yeah my baby mamma gots to get up more and for longer because she is the milk delivery system and I'm not. She has more education than me (a masters) but that don't fundamentally change her role. If I could breast feed then I would probably be loosing even more sleep cuz I be feedin' my shorties. Thats common sense, like Thomas Paine.

[LisaCACO]

04:05 PM on 12/24/2010

breastfeeding isn't an excuse. she can pump and you can share the role. It also allows dads more bonding time from the beginning and they don't feel so isolated from the childrearing experience.

[marianproletarian]

12:40 PM on 12/28/2010

I agree. My son's father is frequently angry/jealous of the bond my son and I share because I was/am the one who feeds and comforts him day and night. For some reason he doesn't seem to get it, he just continues to only be there for tickle-time and wrestling. Even though I'm also the one who disciplines, he wonders why my son always wants to be with me instead of him and doesn't seem to respect his father as much. Sad.

[marianproletarian]

06:42 PM on 12/21/2010

This was true in my house, and I was the main breadwinner with an office job while my son's father worked from home. My son would cry and cry, and his father would sleep (or pretend to) through it. If I woke him to take care of it he'd snap at me, later appologzing, or wouldn't be able to calm the baby, so I would have to get up anyway. I tried the cry-it-out method when I was going back to work at 4 months, but it only took for a few months, and I just couldn't miss any more sleep. So, I ended sleeping with my son in his room and nursing him back to sleep every time he woke. He woke every few hours to nurse until he stopped breastfeeding at 2 and a half years old. Now he sleeps through the night, but I'm still in his room with him. This setup works for my son and me, since I usually fall asleep when telling him stories at night and get a great night sleep without a snorer/blanket stealer next to me. But, my partner complains daily that I'm spoiling him and should be in our bed with him instead. Funny he never complained about it when I was up every couple of hours for those first 2.5 years.

[phoebequeen]

08:01 AM on 12/20/2010

i remember those days! i breastfed so i got up during the week. on weekends, my husband would let me sleep in. . our son was an intense baby. Dr. william sears refers to them as "high need babies". he needed more of everything except sleep! i was so sleep deprived that first year, there were days i wouldn't drive for fear of crashing. my son didn't sleep through the night till he was 5 and is now 14 ! my husband was a fighter pilot at the time and i really wanted him to be rested before going to work.

[kapalabhati]

01:01 PM on 12/21/2010

Thank you for your post and your generosity in seeing that your husband, a fighter pilot, slept well. That commitment to him and to the world at large might make ME sleep a little better tonight.

[mjegan59]

10:32 PM on 12/19/2010

In the early days - when my wife was breastfeeding - she woke up for the 2:30 am feeding. I took the last feeding of the night, usually at 11:30 and the first of the morning, usually at 4:30 am. She'd be able to go to bed at 8 or 8:30 (I can't go to bed that early anyway, even if i am up in the middle of the night) and could "sleep in" until 6:30 or so when she had to get up for work. I telecommuted so I'd have our daughter solo basically from 4:30 until 8:30 when our daycare provider was ready. She got about 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep and i got 5 or so every night. No one likes it when they aren't sleeping, but this schedule worked for us. And like the guy below who said he took the bonding time when he could get it, i felt the same way. our daughter is now almost three and she is equally bonded to both of us.

[tploomis]

03:02 PM on 12/19/2010

Parents should have their children sleeping through the night by 3 months old at the latest. No one year old should be consistently up at 3 a.m., as described in the article, unless there is a medical issue.

[marianproletarian]

06:12 PM on 12/21/2010

That's a good one. Even my son's peditrician, a devout follower of the cry-it-out method, admitted that she had to go through it several times in her daughters' early years. Some babies sleep through the night after 3 months, some dont. And, some of us are not so good at ignoring our screaming children.

[tploomis]

07:57 PM on 12/21/2010

Who said anything about having them cry it out? Children start sleeping through the night when their activity level is kept up for several hours before bedtime, they are fed before sleeping, a bedtime routine is followed so sleeping at a regular bedtime becomes a habit, and the parent resists the first impulse to jump up in the middle of the night at the first snuffle, so the baby learns to comfort himself and quickly go back to sleep if he wakes. I consider 11 p.m. to 6 a.m. sleeping through the night, by the way. My son slept through the night by 2 months. My daughter slept through the night by 7 weeks.

[mojo filter]

11:57 AM on 12/19/2010

Babies kind of prefer their moms too though don't they?

[marianproletarian]

06:13 PM on 12/21/2010

Only if they are used to the mom always being the one to comfort them. Babies are quick learners.

[Kellybelle22]

02:05 PM on 12/18/2010

We have a 9-week-old, and I'm certainly the one who's up more with her in the night, but I'm also the milk factory and the one on full-time maternity leave right now. My husband is a willing diaper-changer, baby-rocker, soother, and helper, even in the night, but when she's ready to be fed, I'm the only one who lactates. I'm taking a full 16 weeks with her and then, if I can stand to, going back to work part time. I held two jobs before she was born.

I don't mind my husband's sleeping through those feedings when he can. He's a surgeon and needs the rest when he's not on call. His patients' lives depend on it. Mine, too, when I'm working, but that's why, right now, I'm not. I couldn't do justice to emergently sick or injured patients with this young a newborn making demands on my sleep. This whole who-gets-up question is something that has to be balanced with the realities of work and with whether or not we're breast feeding. I suspect lactating mothers are why that percentage of female risers is as high as it is.

[Realitylost]

11:40 AM on 12/18/2010

Not in my house. My wife did not do well without a solid 8, where as 4 or 5 hours and a pot of coffee will do for me just fine. About one night a week she would give me a break, worked for us.

[Surreal2me]

11:00 AM on 12/18/2010

I have older children now and I am still the one who gets up early to make the breakfasts, lunches and help them while my husband snoozes away. Only when the last child leaves for school does he rise from his bed to get coffee and start his day. He also leaves the seat up.

[tploomis]

03:02 PM on 12/19/2010

It takes two to tango.

[khg1]

06:48 PM on 12/17/2010

Predictable

[Cymbol]

05:09 PM on 12/17/2010

I also know a lot of women who, when hearing a baby cry to long - will go "take over". If there is an option, the man should do his fair share - the end.

[onionboy]

04:23 PM on 12/17/2010

My wife and I have been fortunate enough to be able to raise kids on a single paycheck so far. I'm the "breadwinner". But I found that being the night time feeder was good for me because it allowed me to bond with my son early on. My wife would be with the kids all day. I'd see them an hour or two before bedtime in the evening. She would be their provider 90% of the time.

Part of this was selfish on my part. I was working my butt off and I wanted to make sure the kids saw me as a provider too. Infants don't understand jobs. They only understand who's there changing them, feeding them, etc. Without nighttime, that would almost always be my wife.

[cydRN]

03:20 PM on 12/17/2010

As a post-partum nurse, I have to laugh at the Dad's who are snoozing away in the chair next to Mom who is feeding/changing/loving their new baby. If I wake them accidentally, they get angry and exclaim, "You don't know how exhausted I am! I was up all night!". I'm always tempted to say, "Oh my, you poor thing! It's so difficult to HAVE a baby, isn't it Dear?". On my last day before retirement, I may have to give in to this urge.

[kapalabhati]

01:04 PM on 12/21/2010

Get a slide and a beer like that Jet Blue guy! Let it rip, and make sure it's on tape! My favorite people in the world to this day were my L & D and PP nurses (well except that one....)

[cydRN]

02:01 PM on 12/21/2010

The great thing is that I totally love my job. The vast majority of my patients are wonderful Unfortunately, it's the 1% who never say "Thank you" or "Please" or even look you in the eye that sticks in your craw. Like the lady who didn't like the flavor of ice cream she was served and so she threw it against the wall, and told me to clean it up. I told her Housekeeping was scheduled to come in in the morning, and I left the room calmly. I'm glad you had good nurses!! And there's always "the one".

[Mara Eugenia Sez]

01:53 PM on 12/17/2010

Mom should nurse the kid and stay home the 1st 3-6 months, take her maternity leave, let dad work.

[cydRN]

03:24 PM on 12/17/2010

A perfect solution in a perfect world. In the population with which I work, this is an impossibility.

[CaWa]

03:39 PM on 12/17/2010

Who died and made you king?