Adolescence is a particularly hard time for both boys and girls. They struggle through many new experiences, mentally and physically, which can lead to confusion, misunderstandings and difficulty managing their behavior. Puberty, friendships, academics, parental relationships and doubts about the future are only a few of the life issues they begin wrestling with. It doesn't have to be a period of storm and stress for all teenagers; however, there are those who understandably have quite a tough time. Not only is this developmental stage challenging for the kids, but it can also leave parents emotionally exhausted and perpetually anxious about what they should and shouldn't do to sustain their child's well-being.
I too am a parent of a 15-year-old young man and so I speak to you here not only as a consultant on human behavior, but also as a mother. Recently my family and I had to deal with an incident concerning my son. It provoked a discussion about what we need to communicate to try and extract valuable lessons, to ease the pain and support him through this transition. I dedicate this article to those who may know of or have an adolescent yourself who could benefit from some words of wisdom woven together to alleviate the emotional stresses of our younger generation and to highlight what really matters. Hope it's helpful.
Whispers of a Mother to her Son
I've seen you master crawling, walking, running and talking. I can't wait to see you fly.
As long as you speak the truth, we can make it through the bumpy terrain of youth.
When confused, seek clarity from those you trust -- NEVER suffer in silence.
Follow kindness and lead against cruelty.
It's not about natural talent or inborn abilities. Everything of real value in life is achieved through hard work, determination and effort.
When you suffer, I may look strong, but I break from within. Each dimension of my heart and soul feels tortured until you smile again.
Words matter and they can hurt so choose them carefully. Release the daggers and be generous with what might delight. Never allow anyone to harm you with their cruel and malicious sentences.
Trust us enough to know that our rules and decisions come from a place of pure love and protection, even though it may not always seem obvious.
Independence is earned, not stolen. As you responsibly and appropriately encounter situations in life, greater independence will be your reward. You can start by making your bed and picking up your clothes everyday!
When unsure about whether or not to do something, imagine the action being published in the newspaper the following day. Would you be proud to see it or cringe from embarrassment?
You don't need to look or act like anyone else. Be unique. Be YOU.
Share your stories with me; I am genuinely interested in your world.
It's OK to say NO to your friends -- try it, no great disaster will ensue... I promise.
When someone hurts you, don't forget all the joy they've brought into your life so that you can have a fair and balanced reaction.
Don't be fooled by the endless images of your friends having "the best time of their lives!" as depicted in social media. No one uploads a picture of themselves crying in a corner, do they?
Be slow to judge and quick to forgive.
Be deaf to gossip and rumors. Don't listen, remark, laugh or spread it.
Self-respect is much more important than peer approval.
Let me know if I've made a mistake. I too am on a journey of developing and very capable of apologizing, especially to my son.
Learn to listen when people are talking to you. You never know what you might learn that will be useful later in life.
Don't let anyone convince you that there's only one right way of seeing, believing, living or dreaming. Carve out your own values and beliefs based on objectivity, and moral practices.
People will test your boundaries and try and get away with what they can. Don't blame them for being mean, for example. Instead, learn to defend yourself because what isn't permitted will not persist.
My father once told me, "the hardest part of parenthood is watching your kids make mistakes, even thought you know sometimes they need to learn the hard way." He was right.
You're whole, resourceful and capable of great things -- don't ever underestimate your potential. But remember it won't happen over night nor will it come easy.
There's nothing wrong with making mistakes. Not learning from those mistakes is a psychological sin.
Live in a way that when you reflect back on your life at the age of 90, your spirit will be filled with contentment, not regret.
Respect women and treat them courteously. Being a gentleman never goes out of fashion.
Follow instructions -- they're there for a reason.
You'll truly understand all that I'm sharing here with you when you have your own kids. Till then, trust me.
I speak to my angels everyday to protect you, to help you make the right decisions and to never take you too far from me. I pray that they're always by your side. Don't forget to thank them from time to time.
More than wanting to shield you from all that is dysfunctional and depraved in this world, I want you to know how to protect yourself so that if one day we aren't around, I'm comfortable knowing that you'll do the right thing.
With abundant adoration, your mother and biggest fan xo