When I was younger, I played competitive tennis. As a teen, I lived, dreamed, and thought about tennis all the time. When I wasn't playing on my high school tennis team, I was at the courts practicing with my father, who was my early coach. I taught tennis in the summers to young children at the neighborhood courts down the street from my house. My parents encouraged me to play tennis, but they also wanted me to play other team sports year-round at my high school. So I also played on the badminton team in the winter and ran for track and field in the spring.
As a result of being an athlete, I learned coordination, leadership, team spirit, physical strength, and interpersonal skills. I learned how to cope with loss, frustration, and sheer exhaustion. I was taught to respect my coaches, support my team members, and challenge myself.
In fact, sports taught me lessons and skills I would not have easily learned elsewhere. Besides, being an athlete was fun.
That's why I was saddened to read that, according to the National Alliance for Sports, 20 million kids register each year for youth hockey, football, baseball, soccer, and other competitive sports, but about 70 percent of these kids quit playing these league sports by age 13 -- and never play them again. The number one reason they quit, says Michael Pfahl, executive director of the National Youth Sports Coaches Association, "is that it stopped being fun."
Research finds that when children participate in sports, it helps them learn coordination, leadership skills, how to work in a group, cope with frustration, acquire physical strength, and develop communication skills. Studies even show that participation in organized sports delays the age of first sexual intercourse for girls. With information like this and the fact that I have two young adolescent children (aged 14 and 17), I began to wonder, how can we as parents help our children have fun being athletic? Here are some guidelines.
Play to your child's strengths.
Not all kids perceive themselves as athletic or oriented toward team sports. Help them see that being active is an important part of growing up. In every culture throughout human history, active play is what kids have been programmed to do! The key is to identify an activity that resonates for your child, and to have a nonrigid notion of the word sport. For example, does you child love to sketch? Then maybe hiking and birdwatching with a portable easel is the ticket. Is your child noncompetitive? He might consider biking or skateboarding. Is your child theatrical? Think about hip-hop dance studio. From cheerleading and marching band to archery and rock climbing, there are so many "sports" for kids that you and your child should be able to come up with something she loves that develops physical skills. As for competitive team sports, think outside the box: ping-pong, badminton, ultimate Frisbee, and bowling are some examples. If it's not offered at school, find a community organization that sponsors one of these teams.
Find out what's not fun, and why.
Competitive team sports can be incubators for negative feelings. Kids may get hassled by older or better players. They get routinely benched or chastised by overzealous coaches. They feel too much pressure to perform -- both from their teammates and even from parents, who may be overly invested in raising a future varsity athlete, just like they were. If your child suddenly wants to quit a team or becomes anxious when it's time to go to practice, these are signs that something's not right. Sit down with your child and ask him what's happening. How do you feel about the other kids on the team? How's the coach treating you? How do you feel about your skills and how you're doing on the team? Is it fun? If not, why not? Such questions can give you insights into your child's emotions and help you get to the root of the problem.
Get involved.
Just like anything else your child does, your involvement is key to their success in that activity. You don't have to be the coach, but try to go to their games, practice with them at home, help them pick out the right equipment or clothes, and make sure they get to practices. Other options to get more involved are manning the snack bar, or being a volunteer scorekeeper, team photographer, or equipment manager. If you suspect bullying by peers or unfair treatment by the coach, consider attending some practices to see if you can observe the problem firsthand. This way you can monitor what's going on to see if it requires some appropriate intervention on your part. Don't forget that children who are happy in their chosen sport need support too. You can encourage them to stay on course by getting involved and taking interest. Even though they may love to play, they want you to feel proud of them too.
Be positive.
Your child's participation in sports is strongly affected by your attitude and behavior toward the sport, the coach, and other kids on the team. Enjoying the sport should never take a back seat to winning! Kids observe and sense your feelings toward what they are doing. You want your child to love and enjoy playing their sport, so remember, it isn't whether they win or lose but about playing their best, growing, meeting new people, being a part of a team, and having fun. When you have a positive attitude about their participation (even if they lose, sit on the bench, play people who are way out of their league, or fail miserably), stay positive. Your view on their coaches, the referees, the other kids on the team, and the other kids they are playing will all be observed and imitated. Don't be the parent who yells at the coach or refs either. And be proud of your child for giving it "their best," even if they lose. The best phrase I have heard to respond to a loss: "I understand your frustration. Now, what can you do next time to improve?"
The key is to keep your child playing the sports they enjoy -- if not on school or youth teams, then informally with friends. Keeping your child connected to sports they enjoy and helping them become passionate about physical activities they love is a gift from you that keeps on giving. Just as kids who grow up eating healthfully eventually adopt these good habits later in life once they're on their own, being physically active and having positive associations with sports during youth encourages children to remain physically active as adults.
Follow Dr. Terri Orbuch on Twitter: www.twitter.com/drterrilovedr
One night late, on the way to my boat, I was attacked by a male on the street with a knife and due to a combination of these sports, esp. football and rubgy, I was used to men running at men speed. As a result, I was calm about chopping his legs, putting him in the air, and repeatedly kicking him in the face (soccer/rugby) until he was semi conscious and then wrenching his arm/shoulder (wrestling) in such a way that I made it clear I could break it with a few more pounds of preasure, and left him with a broken nose and bleeding laying on the street.
People can say what they want about this event or contact sports but they can help young boys develope skills that will keep them from being run over by a man with a knife saying "I am going to cut you, I am going to kill you."
Life is a contact sport.
;-)
I advocate bicycling. It's a physical activity that the entire family can participate in together beginning at an early age. Toss your toddler in a trailer and take them along on rides. As they get older and more skilled, attach them with a tag-a-long and eventually let them ride along on their own bikes. Smaller children can enjoy doing the exact same thing as mom, dad, and their siblings.
Bicycling develops coordination and cardiovascular strength. It also builds self-confidence, self-reliance, and teaches responsibility. It gets a kid outside and can stimulate his/her imagination. It doesn't have to be competitive or structured in order to enjoy.
I enjoy cycling today just as much as I did when I was a kid. Back then, every ride had the potential for adventure and it still does today. I stay fit by playing.
IMHO, that's what we should be teaching our kids - a love of physical fitness through play. It's as easy as riding a bike!
There are certainly kids who discover a particular sport and want to play it all the time. But my sense, especially with my own kids, is that they're happy to play it for awhile and after a few months, they want a break or just to play soccer instead of baseball or tennis instead of basketball.
I think always offering kids the option to do something else is good. Plus, playing different sports or doing different activities can be healthier (working different sets of muscles, for example) and it exposes them to a different set of kids now and then.
And then there's hockey. Thousands a year, ice time at 5 a.m... Completely insane.
I'm all for recreational, even local travel teams, but it can get completely out of hand.
Another guy I worked with had a daughter who was a swimmer. Same thing. Basically non-stop. Then, after she was getting interest from colleges for scholarships, she decided in her junior year of high school she was through with swimming. Her dad tried to persuade her to re-think it, given the scholarship possibilities, but he realized she was ready for something else and let it go.
I think he still grumbles a little when he writes her tuition checks and thinks about how many hours and how much money he spent with swimming since she was about 5. He told me once if he had it to do over, he would have encouraged her to try other activities throughout the year. She seemed to really enjoy it, but like a lot of teens, she woke up one day and had a whole different perspective.
We agreed to a contract during that exchange: She would go to the first softball practice session and if she didn't like it, I would drop the subject. After that first practice session, she came home and said, "Dad that was fun. Many of my friends are on the team. Thanks for convincing me to show up for the practice." Today, that not-so-young woman enjoys playing competitive tennis two or three times a week while helping young people's perceptions to evolve as an elementary school teacher.
Isn't it funny how our perceptions can keep us from living a passionate life? Anthony de Mello once said, "There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them."
A belief system is the foundation upon which we build our lives. For today's career woman, it is important to know that there is no such person as Superwoman...and that only Superwoman can juggle it all in the movies. We need to change the outdated belief system that tells a woman it is her responsibility to do it all. For more information, go to: www.SuperwomanSecrets.com
He is starting rifle now. I take him to the range and he practices. In the spring I will run him through a marksmanship class and he can get good. But the marksmanship program is not about who is the best shot, but developing their skills so that they can rate at the higher skill levels. He is happy with a skill / competency approach.