It's one of those life paradoxes, one of life's ironies that too much of a good thing can actually become a not so good thing. Point in question, can the kind of compulsive acquisitiveness that we have been engaged in as a country, while increasing our outer resources, weaken our inner resources? There are many ways to be bankrupt. We apparently have been engaged in several. For starters we were focused on having everything we wanted whether or not we could afford it. What went along with that was (1) Stress: that sense of never having quite enough and running fast just to stay in place, (2) weakened interpersonal values: an over focus on things and an under focus on more simple, available and often more nourishing pleasures like walks, time relaxing with friends and family. (3) future anxiety: a constant, gnawing preoccupation with the future e.g. "where will I end up, how much can I get?" at the expensive of being able to live in the present and enjoy all that it has to offer. Maybe these trying times are forcing us all to take a step back and a deep breath. If there is any silver lining to the financial chaos and all of the fear that it is engendering in so many of us, maybe it's the opportunity to reexamine our values, reevaluate our life goals and realign our priorities. As a clinician there are a couple of social trends that I have observed to be maladies increasingly on the rise over the past ten to fifteen years. Loneliness and a feeling of disconnection in our relationships is one. It's easy to point to technology as one significant causes of human disconnection; we're simply spending a lot of time with machines at the expensive of spending time with other people. Watching TV, hanging on the internet, texting, phoning and playing video games all in our own little world can preclude us from reaching out for more human company. In many ways the internet allows us to stay connected more easily and that's a good thing, but other forms of technology, if over used can be substitutes for more interpersonal experiences and may foster isolation and disconnection. While technology is an astounding boon of our era, we don't want it to so dazzle us that we forget that we're people who are built by nature to need other people. The other trend I see is this pervasive sense among Americans that we need so many "things" in order to be happy. We are working so much as a nation to have the things we think we need to be "OK" that we're shorting our time with ourselves and with family and friends.
Reevaluation is being forced upon us at head spinning speed. If there are lessons to be learned during this financial crisis, maybe they are that living more simply has some clear upsides and spending less time acquiring and more time enjoying has some deep wisdom to it that many other less "advanced" cultures have known about for some time now. It's not so bad really. Like most Americans I am going through my expenses figuring where I can trim fat and cut excess. I am finding that living more simply is not only pleasant but comes with all sorts of fringe benefits that I hadn't really considered. My husband and I are good cooks, for example and we're having a lot of fun planning and cooking delicious dinners and eating in front of our own fire or by candle light in the dining room. I'm finding that I am actually dressing better because I am aware of all of the clothes and jewelry that I have in my closet but normally overlook. And I am starting to remember all of the little, daily pleasures that come when one isn't preoccupied with creating the perfect, next, exquisite experience but rather enjoying the day as it unfolds naturally. Less can, sometimes, feel like more. This too shall pass, but while financial uncertainly is surrounding us, maybe one thing we can do that's positive is to take a moment to reexamine our lives and reinhabit our own days and take a deeper look at what's driving us and what's important.
by Tian Dayton PhD
author of Emotional Sobreity: From Relationship Trauma to Resilience and balance emotionalsobreity.info
