Poppa's Got an Old Bag

Growing up in Sacramento, when someone promised you something and they really super meant it, they promised on "their white hide." It meant that if they broke their promise, you were well within the code of adolescence, far crueler than that of Hamurabi, to find the whitest spot on their body, and hold a bic lighter to it for five seconds. Of course no one ever did it, but even the possibility of such a dire fate was enough to hold you to your word.

According to Bush administration underlings, softening the ground for tonight's speech, the President wants to send more troops Over There because the Iraqi government, "has promised a 'fundamental' change in policy."

The thing is, I don't think Bush asked them to swear on their white hides. I don't think he even asked them to pinky swear to a fundamental change in policy. If that's the case, I dare Bush to come up with a new Iraq policy that isn't half baked or based on the crumbling pretenses that this war is about anything other than a premeditated power grab. No, strike that; I double dog dare him.

Bush will also make his own promise that the 22,000 more troops he wants are only going to Iraq to support Iraqi troops as they secure Baghdad. Yeah, and I wanted that Christmas cash only to help pay my rent.

Every time I watch Bush speak I swear to myself it'll be the last time. Yet every time there's an address, a speech, a briefing, I can't help but watch. It's like a car accident that I can't take my eyes off of, only it's my President and not a Hyundai Tiburon, and he's caused a lot more death than a pile up on the Mass Pike. When he last spoke at the United Nations, I snuck into my office's conference room and tried to take notes, but ended up just trying to keep myself from gouging out my eyes with a stray easy-grip stapler.

Lately, Tony Snow has been on a kick of trying to explain that the President doesn't form foreign policy around public opinion. Tonight speech, according Snow, will about winning back the good will of the country, and gathering us around the cause of Victory. In other words, it's the same faulty product with new, shiny packaging. Well, if there's one thing about the Bush League, at least they're consistent. They've always loved a good PR stunt. ("Mission Accomplished" anyone? ) Another bit of slang from my (not so distant youth), was "old bag," which was used when something was tired, or lame. Trying to re-sell this war to a public that's giving you a 30% approval rating? That's old bag, POTUS.

So, tonight, I'll sit on a friend's couch, try to keep it from it turning into a Fifteen Minute Hate, and watch my President try and win me over. Shucks, Georgie, I would, but Murtha just sent me a note in study hall, and I think he's starting to look pretty good.

Meanwhile, Tony Snow can continue on about how the President doesn't have to answer to families who have lost their loved ones, or to a generation of limbless veterns. I know what you're gonna say Tony, "The President is confident of victory." Jinx, no backsies!