I wish I had a video of my reaction to something I saw on the internet yesterday. It was something partly foul, partly insulting, and it was so ridiculous, it verged on the satiric. I'm not talking about "2 Girls, 1 Cup." Note: That's not a link to the video, don't worry! I'm talking about Angela Epstein's article in yesterday's Daily Mail, "I'm A Female Chauvinist Pig And Proud Of It."
A lot of this hogwash so fantastically hogwashy ("Every girl inherits the princess gene which dictates her desire for a strong male role model to cosset and comfort her,") I'm not going to address most of it, but I would like to take a look at this little nugget:
Power means convincing those you protect that everything's under control. For this reason, I have always had a male obstetrician oversee my four pregnancies.
And though female midwives help you through labour, when your blood pressure goes into overdrive how wonderful it feels when the male doctor dashes in to sort things out.
I wanted the key decisions about my unborn children to be in male hands.Do I think female doctors are less able? No, but I know who I'd rather have looking after me.
I'll try to stay away from one of my baser reactions (I don't know any guys who are into "dashing in to sort things out," which is fine by me) and move on to how badly Ms. Epstein needs to come to terms with her S&M kink.
"Wha Whaaaaa?" you say. That's right, I said it. Ms. Epstein is the "M" in the S&M. She doesn't have a "princess gene" that dictates her "desire for a strong male role model to cosset and comfort her" - what she has is a "kink" that makes her "want" to have her "boo boo's kissed."
She's been a bad, bad girl, and she wants Daddy to come and tell her she's going to be punished. She needs a man with a paddle to "look after her," and then draw her a bubble bath for her good behavior. She wants her Protector to show her that he's got "the power" and she's about to come (cough cough) "under [his] control."
Ms. Epstein and the doting flocks of the Surrendered Wives (Including Mrs. Huckabee?) have this in common: their sexual fantasies have leaked out of the bedroom and into the rest of their lives. You don't need to be Dan Savage to see that a kink, if ignored, can be the trussed Pink Elephant hanging from the gimp rope in the corner.
But rather than act out her own fantasies of waiting upon her bed of pink taffeta, her ball gag attached to her bonnet, her Bo Peep shepherd's staff looming threateningly over cherubic skin, she feels the need to attribute her fetish for weakness, submission, and "innocent" coyness to all women.
Our proud chauvinist's belief that we all just want to be rescued is a classic stream of women-hating: the condescension that women are too flighty, too childish, too emotional, too silly or too angelic to handle something like giving birth in this case.
If being helpless is your kink, then more power to you. Just don't foist your jollies on to me, and the rest of womankind.
And, I have to say, she may not be having sex once a week (I have no idea one way or the other...don't want to know) but she's definitely doing most of the rest of the surrendered wife routine. And not because she started off a feminist but wanted to save her marriage. She's been on the surrender train from day one. And I have to say, she seems to me to be one of the least happy people I know.
How do I know this? Because she cries a lot. At lunch. With me. About Jesus. (We don't do lunch often.) She's sick a lot. She's stressy and twitchy and seems to my eye, to be struggling with an internal need to both obey and control. She wants EVERYONE to fall into their proper spots in the pecking order and everyone's not agreeing to do that.
A rotten outcome, given that she agreed to that deal a long long time ago.
It's pretty awful.
And its the very very dark side of this surrendered wife thing. Surrender may be fun if you've spent years kicking the shit out of your spouse, but this whole idea seems to be aimed at women who are probably religious and therefore already at a significant disadvantage because of their gender both in their marriage and in their presumably conservative churches. AND IT IS THOSE WOMEN who never got the opportunity to Surrender. Its not a choice for them.
Satisfyingly ironic, isn't it?
All Epstein (along with the Hillary bashers)did was confirm that misogyny is still alive and seething in the 21st century. Epstein's mental illness is just another symptom...
EGAD! Hey, I like skirts and all and am proud of being a woman, but I wish I had a eraser gene so I could get rid of some pretty crazy notions, kwim???
Ms. Epstein needs to get her self some edumacation.
But she may just have an issue with her own youth and while her comment about everyone having the "Princess Gene" is probably overstatement it is reasonable to believe that she has the gene in question.
This idea that little girls are somehow "special" and "different' does a great diservice to both the girls and the men or women that will try to become their companions.
Our media and marketing is constantly pushing the message that girls are different, special, deserving of considerations that are based upon their gender and the expectations that are manufactured to go with it.
Walk into any store that sells to youth (and many adult venues as well) and you will find constant pandering to the idea that women are delicate little flowers to be pampered, wear ridiculous clothing to emphasize their femininity, etc... I saw a box of "Princess Flakes" in the breakfast aisle of the supermarket this am...
If we believe, as a society, that gender does not imply entitlement then it is really important that we re-examine how we raise our children. It isn't possible for every girl to be a princess any more than it is reasonable to expect every man to be a knight in shining armor.
I looked for a female obgyn who had already dropped a baby of her own when I was pregnant. Not only was she wonderfully knowledgeable but she was also empathic. I know there are great male obgyns but none of the ones I've met have given birth.
I'd like to think that if I'd had daughters, they'd be strong and confident. They would have good roll models among my sisters and my hubby's sister. I know that my sons expect all women to be that way since that's the only kind of women they know. Neither of them would be what Angela Epstein is looking for in a man since both would scoff at her weakness.
I'm horrified by the notion that any woman would try to convince other women to reclaim their status as chattel and avoid challenging male authority.
My wife is my companion, not my servant.